When healing doesn't happen or does it?

I’ve grown up in a faith, a “religion,” a community that believes in miracles. Jesus did miracles. Fed 5,000 people from 5 loaves and 2 fish. Raised people from the dead. Made the lame man walk. Caused the blind man to see. Healed lepers. Cast out demons. Healed a man who seemed to be having seizures. Disappeared from crowds. Caused a hemorrhaging woman to stop bleeding. His disciples did miracles. Raised the dead. Healed the sick with a touch of their cloak.

My question for so long was…would that ever happen to me? Would I ever be the recipient of healing, a miracle? I would venture to say that we all might want that. We all have something in our life that we would want God to look at and just fix, on the spot, no waiting, no mistakes. Hurt made whole. Then, God answered that question for me several years ago. I still can’t believe that He would grace me with a glimpse of His glory in that way! Praise be to God who would have been just as good if He hadn’t healed me. I know many who haven’t been healed in that way and still believe in the goodness of God.

What I struggle with now is…what about Moses? If God can do miracles, which He can, why wouldn’t He do one for Moses? I’ve heard of Him healing genetic disorders, heart conditions, stomach conditions, people who couldn’t talk but suddenly start doing so. Why not for Moses? For so long, that was my prayer. “God please, just help him. Give him a voice. Take away his autism. He has such a hard life right now, make it easier.” Anger and a huge feeling of disappointment filled my soul because He wasn’t answering. Silence. That’s all I got……(                                   ). 

Then, I began giving God my anger. Telling Him how mad I was at Him for not healing our son. I still have to do that. I began hitting Him with my hard questions. This came in the form of several journal entries. I started to realize that God was not afraid of my questions. That He really was answering me in my time of need. I understand that people think differently about how God speaks but I know that the voice I heard that day was filled with His words. I will give you a snipit of that conversation.

            August 29, 2016

Me: Should I stop praying for You to heal Moses or at least relieve some of the struggles for him?

God: YES!! Pray for my glory to be revealed. That is love, that is fullness. That is a courageous and bold prayer.

Me: Oh LORD, I am scared, fearful to pray for your glory.

God: Oh Melis…My glory, shakes mountain. It’s ok to be scared.

There it was, on that day, that I stopped praying for God to heal Moses. I didn’t know what that meant but I was going to obey. I was going to settle in. I was going to start planting crops in this field of autism. I was going to start building a home in this grove of disability. I was going to let go of healing. I needed to really. My expectations of life needed to die to make room for growth.

It wasn’t until recently that the subject of healing came up for me again. My husband and I have been reading an excellent book called, The Life I Never Expected. In it, a husband and wife share some of the things they have learned, grieved and embraced from having two children on the autism spectrum. The chapter on healing hit me like a ton of bricks! Andrew Wilson explains how biblically there are really four different kinds of healing that God works through. Healing done by our own bodies. Healing done through the medical field. Healing in an instant. Healing in eternity. Before August 2016, my desire for Moses was always for that instantaneous healing. The one that I had experienced. The one that our instant culture wants. What I failed to take into account was that God is healing Moses everyday!

Dr Christiannese who saved him from having a Gtube when he was 5 weeks old.

Dr. Walsh who noticed an irregularity in his heart.

Dr. Papez who diagnosed his Short QT Syndrome.

Jeannette Silver who showed me what an amazing therapist could be like and set the bar for choosing all other therapists.

Insurance providers who have approved hundreds of thousands of dollars to provide medical care.

The leg braces that he used to wear when he was 2 years old. 

The thickening agent he used to have added to his milk so that he wouldn’t choke as a baby.

The doctor who told us he was not going to live long which started the ball rolling for him getting transferred to a better hospital. (And that doctor was wrong.)

The medical equipment that has been used to place his heart monitor.

The person who invented laxatives.

The thousands of dollars that have been given to our family to help with unexpected expenses.

The countless hours of therapy that have been supplied to us by a generous state.

The therapists…oh the therapists!!

The person who invented a Samsung tablet so that Moses could learn how to communicate in a different modality.

The chairs that were purchased for the waiting rooms in the hospital.

The pharmacists who have put together life saving drugs.

A car that has taken us to each appointment.

People who have helped take care of our girls while going to those countless appointments.

CPR training from our church.

The crazy amount of people who have held up our arms in what has been a Red Sea road for us.

And the list could go on...

The materials to build the hospital, the oil that fuels the ambulance and enables me to get there before I die from blood loss, the image of God in the paramedics that makes them give themselves to rescuing people they’ve never met, the wisdom of the surgeon, the intelligence and skill of the thousands of individuals whose discoveries have made operating rooms and anesthesia possible – all these are gracious gifts of a loving God whose mercy enables healings to take place across the world that would, in any other generation, have been considered quite miraculous. No wonder they call him Yahweh-who-heals-you (Ex. 15:26)  - The Life We Never Expected, The Wilsons.

 

Guys…get this…Moses has been being healed! My fear, my anger at God’s lack of action was inaccurate, misplaced. Don’t get me wrong. I will still look forward to the day that I can sit down with Moses and have a true heart to heart. I can’t wait for the day that he will be made whole! But I take comfort in knowing that his healing has already begun! And, in all reality, so has mine.