What a week and your mothering task is just as significant!

This week has been a doozy! We’ve gone through weeks like this before and we thought that they were just the new normal that we had to get used to. Weeks where Moses has these crazy highs and lows. A week where we batten down the hatches and kick into survival mode. No budgets. No showers. No breaks. These weeks make me see the wonder of dry shampoo, wet wipes, credit cards and early bedtimes. They happen about once a month or maybe every 6 weeks. Truthfully, I’m not too sure about the timeline because these weeks are a blur.

With everything that has been under concern with Moses's GI tract, I wondered if this were another ileus. That thought drove me to email his specialist and ask for an x-ray. I felt like he was in a lot of pain, besides the fact that he kept saying “owie.” When he’s in pain, he seems to make raspberry sounds with his mouth a lot, like 90 percent of his waking day. Which then causes bleeding lips. His stimming activity is at it’s peak and he can’t seem to break out of the broken record of activity that he gets stuck in. Flipping through books, page, by page, by page for hours. “Mommy, mommy, mommy” , “Hannah, Hannah, Hannah.” Over and over and over again.

Back to the specialist…she ordered the x-ray so that we could get it outpatient instead of heading into the ER, again. I had this sneaking suspicion that it was his stomach. He was hurting bad. So, we upped his normal GI meds like we did when he had another episode and the next morning we heard from the Dr. He was in a lot of pain because things were just not working properly. I’ll spare you the details and hopefully preserve some of his privacy. Let’s just say he had to have morphine in the hospital the last time this happened! Today, we’re currently trying to manage what is going on and just hoping that this doesn’t turn into something life threatening.

Who am I kidding, it is life threatening. I’m still coming to terms with that. The doctor made that clear on his last visit with using the word “morbidity.” More and more, I’m seeing that my little boy’s life is hanging in the balance on a regular basis more then I ever realized before. First, he is at risk for sudden cardiac arrest. Now he is at risk for I don’t know what yet. (That’s what San Diego testing may tell us.) It’s strange to give word to the fact that this week, I was fighting for his life.

You know though, that’s what all moms are doing. We are all fighting to nurture life. That is our mission here. That is us fighting back the darkness. My fight will no doubt look different from another moms, but it in no way makes my fight more significant. My fight may be more stressful but it does not make it more important. Mommas, keep on fighting to nurture life! Keep on changing those dirty diapers, even if you change them for 40 years. Keep on having those difficult conversations, even if they don’t get it. Keep on teaching them to value other people no matter how different, even though they are just being kids. Keep showing them what it means to work hard, even though they aren’t seeing the rewards of it yet. Keep giving them kisses at night, even though they don’t ask for them anymore. Keep showing them how to get thru the pain of loss, even though they see you hurt. Keep fighting to have a child, even when there is no child in your womb. Keep telling them they are loved, even when they physically attack you. Keep teaching them respect, even when they make a poor choice. Keep praying for them, even though they are still using. Ladies, we are fighting back darkness with every doctors visit, every therapy, every insurance call, every overdue bill, every home cooked meal, every discipline, every word of affirmation.

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And, if you don’t have the energy to keep fighting, know that you are enough. Just you! We are all going to fail. We are all going to get tired of the fight! That’s what good soldiers do. They get tired because they have been doing their job! After you have rested for a while, get back up and get in the fight. That’s what I’m doing right now, taking a rest at a local coffee shop.

And for those who are in Christ Jesus, remember that we were called not only to believe in him but also to suffer for his sake. It was never promised to be easy but it is promised to be rewarding. Remember how highly God values this calling. I was totally blown away by how God values the role of a woman in the home. Micah 2:9-10 talks of how a place without a mom for her children, a woman in the home is not a place of rest. It is a place where splendor has been removed. Now, the point of this is not to belittle the daily fight of a single mom or a struggling family! It is however, to encourage the moms at home that God sees that your role brings His splendor and rest! And, this is in the midst of God pronouncing woes. In short, God will fight for His splendor to be displayed in the home, a place that is supposed to bring rest.

Dear mommas, many of us don’t feel like our home is a place of rest. Many of us are fighting just to get rest. Many of us don’t see that we are fighting back darkness in the mundane. Beloved, we are! Walk by faith and the truth of God’s word. We are displaying rest and God’s splendor by nurturing life in our homes.  Keep at it today! You are only called to think about today. One day of nurturing at a time! Don’t worry, I’m waiting for bedtime too.