Think on Such Things

Today is one of the hardest days to date. And yet, I can always sense when we are being prayed for. How? In the midst of insurmountable circumstances, I am calm. My depression hasn't kicked in. My heart still has such great hope that things will all turn out. Promises from God's word are readily on my lips. It may seem chaotic, but there is calm in the middle of the storm. That is how I know people are praying. That is how I hear, see, feel God near. I am so sure that there are a thousand other ways that He is. That's just my finite view. Today, we had to get rid of a ton of stuff. I went into today so hopeful that we would get to keep so much stuff and it didn't end up that way. It made so much more sense to get rid of a ton. I am a bit in shock right now to be honest. It is hitting me that so many sentimental things are gone. I don't honestly know what is kept and what got thrown away. Are Dan's love letters still with us? Did the last card that my grandp

Writer's block. Write. Erase. Thoughts swirling around. Maybe, if I write them down they will somehow make sense. Erase. What if that is what I should write about? Erase. But, I feel the need to write, the urgency to make something with my words. Thoughts. Erase. What if they are too raw? This year hardly makes sense. It seems as though it has been one thing after another. Sure the doctor's appointments don't stop. That is a part of life that I have learned to adjust to. PTSD from tons of bad news in a doctor's office can take a toll on a person. Thankfully, I have had the opportunity to go to some counseling and work through how to cope. One person for him. One person for me. Lots of breathing. Recording the appointment is a necessity because I am hardly the advocate that I used to be. It takes me time to process now. It takes removing the pressure to have it all together at that moment to advocate. Last year was a year of crazy aggression. Lots of scratching, biti