Think on Such Things

For me, the last post on anger was a musing of the past. It was emotions that have taken me years to work through and at times, still work through. It began when our family lived in North Carolina several years ago and this journey of having a medically complicated son began. I found myself more and more angry at what God was doing with our life, about how He was orchestrating everything for His glory. I didn’t get it! I still don’t in many ways. That anger that I experienced so frequently turned to bitterness and distance. I just didn’t want to read the Bible. I didn’t feel like going to church. I didn’t want to teach my kids about God because I just didn’t trust him. It was a dark season. At times, it still is. My heart felt so sick and what was worse is that I could see where I was. I have grown up surrounded by the Church all of my life and I knew that my heart was growing cold. Honestly, I don’t remember what the turning point was. I don’t think that there was a big e...

I’ve often wondered, how in the world do some families who are affected by disability say, “Autism is such a blessing!” It’s almost frustrating when I hear a person say that because in my mind I’m thinking, “Yay, cleaning up poop that has been smeered all over is a HUGE blessing!” or “Not being able to hear how my kid’s day is, HUGE blessing!” It’s made me mad because I am so far from saying that! Or when someone says, “I wouldn’t change my child for anything!” Well, you know, right now I would. I would really love for him to not scream all the time. I would really love for him to answer my questions. I’m just not able to say those things…YET. I have a feeling that those sayings may come in the future. At least, I hope they do. Right now, we are in a season of heavy grief. We are seeing a lot of the experiences that our family will probably never have and it’s hard saying goodbye to those things.   Things like going to my son’s football, soccer or baseball games. Things lik...