Joy comes in the morning but grief sucks!

I’ve often wondered, how in the world do some families who are affected by disability say, “Autism is such a blessing!” It’s almost frustrating when I hear a person say that because in my mind I’m thinking, “Yay, cleaning up poop that has been smeered all over is a HUGE blessing!” or “Not being able to hear how my kid’s day is, HUGE blessing!” It’s made me mad because I am so far from saying that! Or when someone says, “I wouldn’t change my child for anything!” Well, you know, right now I would. I would really love for him to not scream all the time. I would really love for him to answer my questions. I’m just not able to say those things…YET.

I have a feeling that those sayings may come in the future. At least, I hope they do. Right now, we are in a season of heavy grief. We are seeing a lot of the experiences that our family will probably never have and it’s hard saying goodbye to those things.  Things like going to my son’s football, soccer or baseball games. Things like having a mother/son dance at his wedding.  Things like having your excited child wave at you from the stage of a school performance. Things like passing on the family name. It’s been a heavy season letting go of those dreams.

I know that many people are scared of disability hitting their family because they know that grief is a part of the deal. No one wants to endure that type of pain, that type of suffering. In fact, I even had a mom tell me that she was glad that her life wasn’t ruined. Harsh, I know. But, don’t we all think of grief and sorrow as a ruining? It is. It tears away the hopes that you had, the values you had, the dreams that you expected to come true. I wonder though, is that how God views grief?

The Bible gives me a picture of how God does view grief and suffering.

Blessed are those who mourn (Mt. 5:4).  You mean, this feeling of sadness is a blessing in God’s eyes?!

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. (Ps 51:17) You mean, God wants me to offer him my broken heart?

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Ps 34:19) You mean, my brokenness actually secures a promise of God’s nearness? And all God’s promises find their “yes and amen” in Christ.

A man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief…surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows (Is 53:3,4). You mean, God was not afraid to get messy by grief?

Although he was a son, he learned obedience through what he suffered (Heb. 5:8). You mean, even Jesus went through a school of suffering?

For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake (Phil. 1:29). You mean, suffering is actually a gift, a grace?!

Way different from the way we view the suffering brought about by grief! One of the challenges of the Christian life is bringing every thought captive to Christ, every thought under His scrutiny and submission. That means even my views and hatred of the suffering brought about by grief. According to the Bible, I should not despise my suffering. I should see it as a grace, as a gift. This is where I daily have to ask God for faith to believe that what He has said is true.  There are many days that it seems more like a gift that I want to return. I want to believe that my grief is a gift to keep. Maybe once I accept that truth, I will be able to say with those families, “Autism is a blessing.”

I’m starting to get a very small taste of that faith given by God. My suffering from grief makes me believe that I “share in his sufferings” (Phil 3:10).  If I can know how my Jesus, who died for me, felt a tiny bit better, I see that as a gift! If I can learn to be content in all situations, I consider that  gift. If I can learn to do all things as unto Jesus, even if it’s cleaning a bathroom floor after a child’s accident, then I consider it a gift.

What I do know about seeing suffering as a gift is that it makes me so much braver! I don’t fear the difficult as much. God will be near me! He will never forsake me. He is not scared of the difficult. He is not scared of my fears and pain. What I do know is that this cycle of grief won’t be forever. God will turn my sorrow into joy…even if that joy is found when I am in His presence after death. These are the promises I must hold to during this season of grief. Joy will come in the morning.