Healing
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So, this is my fourth go around at trying to write down what
has happened to me today. No matter how I write, I can’t seem to find the words
to describe my awe and wonder. I can’t seem to adequately explain how I feel
about what God did for me today. I’ll try though, because I want to praise Him
with my lips, or my fingers.
Today, I went to the doctor to have a follow-up on the
nodules that have developed on my thyroid over the past several months. About
six weeks ago, I went through a pretty scary time of thinking my heart was
literally going to fail because my thyroid was so out of wack. Doctors were
confounded. Tests were coming back strange and what I was left with was, “Let’s
just wait and see how this goes for the next several weeks.” That’s always what
you want to hear when you think that you may be dying right? WRONG! I walked
away from all those appointments six weeks ago with a diagnosis of Hashimotos
Thyroditis and possibly cancer. The cancer was the wait and see part.
Naturally, it was hard to settle into a short season of waiting, but soon it
became comfortable. It actually turned into an out of sight, out of mind
circumstance. I wasn’t going to tons of appointments anymore so I just wasn’t
entertaining the thought that I may have cancer. That time of waiting really
was a form of God’s favor to give my worried heart time to just rest.
It wasn’t until this past week that I started to think more
about the possibilities that were before us. A biopsy, cancer, surgery,
radiation, taking medication for the rest of my life, shorter life span, rates
of survival. All that stuff and much more running through my head again. The
time of waiting God used to help me see that I needed to just take one step at
a time or the list of possibilities would soon be too overwhelming and throw me
into a state of fear.
So, what was before was a follow-up appointment. It was at
this appointment that I would have an ultrasound and a possible biopsy. The
biopsy would be immediate if the doctor saw something concerning in the
ultrasound. We were waiting in the office and I was lying on the examination
room table just staring at the ceiling. It was kind of a numb feeling for me.
“Just one step at a time.” The doctor came in and started talking about what
would happen and I honestly don’t remember much of the conversation. All I
wanted to know was if there were still nodules on my thyroid. Somehow, I
suspected that there may not be. Was it real? Had God truly healed me? I just
wanted him to confirm what I thought may be true. He put that cold gel on me
and started poking around.
NO WAY!! That was where the big nodule was! Ok, what about
the other side? He put the ultrasound wand down and I asked him, “What about
the right side?”
“Nothing to stick a needle in. There’s nothing there. You
have a perfectly looking thyroid.”
WHAT! Ok, is this really happening? I just need to know if
the blood tests are normal? “What were my blood test results?”…. Looking
through results…
”They look perfectly normal.”
I didn’t have words. I just started crying and the doctor
said, “I thought that was good news?” It is good news! It is some of the best
news that I have had in years. God healed me! There it is. God healed me!
The doctor kept on saying, “Sometimes this just happens and
the body just heals itself.” We responded with, “We believe that God healed
me.” My heart then hurt for this doctor because it was very apparent that he
was strictly just a man of science. What I saw in this doctor was amazing grace
in that moment. Even though he had no apparent love for God or recognition of
the miraculous, he was still being used by God to bring hope and healing to
others through his excellent care. He was being used as an instrument of
redemption, even though he may not even believe in a good and personal God
making things right.
Grace was all over this day!! Unmerited, undeserved and
ridiculous grace. And what makes God so good is not that He healed me. It’s
that He is still worthy of praise and honor even if He hadn’t healed me! Why?
Why is He so good even when things go down hill and not the way I had expected?
The answer my friends is found in Jesus. It’s always found in Jesus. He proved
His love for me by dying on the cross in my place and living the perfect life
in my place. That’s what makes Him amazing. My hope and prayer is that this
healing will be a reminder to all of us that Jesus lived and died to make
things right some day. We may get to see it here, but many of you will have to
wait to see it when we are with Him one day. But know that it will happen! Let
us not grow weary friends in hoping for His glorious healing of all bodies!
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