Unanswered Prayer
Unanswered Prayer
I remember the dark days of unanswered prayer. The feeling of abandonment was so very real! When it just seemed to be one thing after another and I thought God wasn't answering my prayers of relief for me or my child.Those days have come and gone, then come and gone again and come and gone again. I'm sure they will make another appearance at some point. Maybe now they come more in moments then in seasons.
I remember the deep pain of those initial days. My child was in the hospital for 5 weeks and each hospital visit to the NICU meant potential gains only to see him regress. Up and down, every day for 5 weeks. Every down seemed to challenge my faith more and cause me to wonder, "Are you really hearing me?" I remember coming home to my husband and 21 month old girl just weeping. I was breaking. I remember my little girl coming up to my husband saying, "Daddy is mommy ok?"
I couldn't breathe. My heart felt too dead from seeing tubes in my baby, hoping that he would come home. He told her, "Let's pray for mommy."
They began to pray and I told him, "What's the use? He doesn't hear. He doesn't care about us."
The wise and great father that he is, swooped my daughter out of the room to let me mourn without her. He could see that my pain could begin to hurt her. Now I know, hurting people are very susceptible to hurting people.
But those days of silence amidst the storm felt so deep. So personal. Who knows what type of issues it can bring up from someone's past? Vulnerability? Lack of a protector at a young age? Abandonment? Neglect? Sin harboring deep in our hearts?
These days of unanswered prayer continue to be hard. These are some things I have learned along the way to navigate through them. Am, I perfect at these? By all means no! But they have preserved me as I wait for the Lord to open my ear.
- The gospel has been the only strong cord to tether me to the love of God. During times of silence, it is easy to drift in thought. Perhaps you can empathize with these thoughts. A devastating thing happens...God please heal, fix or make right...God please intervene...Lord, your will be done...Why aren't you intervening...Are you listening...Why didn't you heal...Don't you care...Do you hear...Ultimately, do you love me? I don't know why He chooses to heal in some situations. He healed me of thyroid issues but hasn't healed my son's heart. I don't know why some prayers get answered and some don't. I have no idea what effectual role our prayers play in God's plan. I just know He wants me to pray. But, what I do know, what I have learned to lean on, what I don't ever have to ask him, "Do you love me?" That question was put to rest when he laid down the life of his only Son to die for me, for the world. My dire circumstances can't change his solid demonstration of love accomplished on the cross thousands of years ago. May that bind your wandering heart to him my friends. His love for you still reigns! So, because He loves you, you can trust him.
- Despair can be a lonely place that causes you to forget the truth. Do not trust the certainty of despair and remember to stop and preach the truth to yourself. Despair, silence, struggle can isolate you from the community that speaks life into you. Fight to stay in community but I know that sometimes life doesn't allow for an hour long cry session with a friend. So, practice speaking truth to yourself, everyday. What does that mean? Well, you have to know the one who is the truth first. Jesus said, I am the way, the truth, and the life. Truth isn't a set of rules to live by, it is a person to know. Open your bible and ask God to enlighten your heart to see the glory of God in the face of Jesus. What does Jesus tell us about our suffering? He weeps with us. He may not do what we expect, be who we expect, but He is good. He promised to never leave us. He has left a helper, the Holy Spirit, to promise his return. He started a work of making sad things come untrue. He pounded those who were insensitive and judgmental to others pain. He didn't want to go through pain either. He walked through the deepest struggle known to man, physically and being separated from God, for joy. There is joy at the end of all this my friends. Remember to tell yourself the truth my friends! He is alive and still on the throne.
- This may be obvious for a seasoned Christian. It may be a companion to those battling through struggles for the first time as a believer. The Psalms give voice to my pain. A counselor that has poured into my life has let me know that once I can name an emotion, it loses large degrees of power. The Psalms show me that I am free to name those emotions. I do not have to keep them in the dark, where they gain momentum. I also do not have to fear them.
- When I don't feel his presence, I can see it. I remember so vividly a time when my questions were so heavy. I was telling God, "I just don't feel like you are here." I was doing the dishes. As I dried a plastic container, I realized it wasn't mine. Then I started to look through the cupboard to see if there were more containers that weren't mine. Sure enough, there were a ton. Why do plastic containers remind me of the presence of God? These containers were all dishes that I had forgotten to give back to friends. We had them because they had worked to lighten a heavy load during a time of hardship to bring us a meal. There He was! There was evidence of Him sustaining me. At a time when I was struggling to see His tangible care for me, I began to look around my house. Plastic containers, couches, a bed, shoes, backpacks, help moving and so much more evidence of God showing Himself through people tangibly loving us. Paid bills, gifts of face scrub, nails from a night out with girls, so so much more. He is here my friends! And more than just in my life. Step outside and ask yourself, "Who keeps the trees standing? Who keeps the sun rising? Who forms a baby in the womb? Who causes the sun to go down and not stay up to burn the earth? Who keeps the planets rotating in the exact orbit they need to be?" Oh dear friends. He may feel distant from you, but look around and see that He is not absent. For whatever reason, and I am sure there are thousands, this may just be a really awful season.
Dear friend, as you wade through these silent and turbulent waters, may you remember who made the river. May that bring comfort and rest, even if for a moment. Wait dear friend. Not on healing, not on resolution, but on the Lord. He delights to give us good gifts but what we deem as good, may not be the same as what He deems as good. May we bow our expectations of good to him and recognize our frailty of understanding. May that frailty be a reminder that we can rejoice in all trials because it keeps us in a posture of dependence upon the one who gives and sustains life. Amen.
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