There is no quota of suffering
Writer's block. Write. Erase. Thoughts swirling around. Maybe, if I write them down they will somehow make sense. Erase. What if that is what I should write about? Erase. But, I feel the need to write, the urgency to make something with my words. Thoughts. Erase. What if they are too raw?
This year hardly makes sense. It seems as though it has been one thing after another. Sure the doctor's appointments don't stop. That is a part of life that I have learned to adjust to. PTSD from tons of bad news in a doctor's office can take a toll on a person. Thankfully, I have had the opportunity to go to some counseling and work through how to cope. One person for him. One person for me. Lots of breathing. Recording the appointment is a necessity because I am hardly the advocate that I used to be. It takes me time to process now. It takes removing the pressure to have it all together at that moment to advocate.
Last year was a year of crazy aggression. Lots of scratching, biting, hitting, running across the room to pull hair for no reason. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't take being assaulted in my own home anymore so we started looking into different specialists, ones who don't do medicine the conventional way, but are covered by insurance. Needle in a haystack! More like a grain of sand on a beach. We found one who then promptly started her own practice which meant, no insurance coverage. But, I couldn't take it anymore. We had to go and see if she could pull a Dr. House and help us.
It starts the way all new specialists start, intake forms and "let me order these tests." Don't ever expect to get news on a first appointment. 9 times out of 10, they will just order tests. But this time, she ordered a ton of tests. She even admits to being a vampire with her patients. That's ok because we know that whatever is going on, is a big picture.
Results come back several weeks later. Possibly Lyme, MTHFR, deficient in several supplements, genetic condition that doesn't process molds, immune issues, and oh yea, "His results have high levels of blah, blah, blah. You need to get your house tested for mold." (Remember I have it recorded.) With each results I could hear the proverbial cling of an old cash register. Results like that mean lots of bucks! We will tackle one thing at a time. First thing...mold.
So, first step is getting our rental tested. Does the landlord do this? Apparently, they don't have to in the sunny state of Arizona. Why would any landlord want to cast a dark shadow of mold on their property. According to our rental company, it was probably coming from the McDonald's that we go to 3 times a week. Convenient that they called to tell me and didn't respond to the email I sent them. Oh and if we wanted to, we can just break our lease. What?!! Doesn't that seem shady? No, maybe it's just the desperate plea of a landlord to not figure out more that may financially ruin them.
But what are we supposed to do?! Do we uproot our family from our wonderful neighborhood if we don't know there is mold in the home? No! So, we get it tested.
You guessed it. Mold. Lots of it. Oh and don't worry about the 2x the national average amount of black mold in your home. It probably is not affecting you. Well, it is certainly affecting our immuno-compromised kiddo. Fit and habitable. The state of Arizona states that a rental must be fit and habitable. But what if fit and habitable is defined differently? What if something is not dangerous for the general population but critically dangerous for some? Where are they supposed to live? Where are we supposed to live?
So, we pray. Cry. Look for answers on Google. Cry. Maybe pray some more. Call a family member who is a lawyer. Then, cry really hard.
Best choice. Move. Pack it up and get the heck out of dodge. Don't even mess with trying to get the house fixed because that will open pandora's box. We could try but it will be a long process.
This year hardly makes sense. It seems as though it has been one thing after another. Sure the doctor's appointments don't stop. That is a part of life that I have learned to adjust to. PTSD from tons of bad news in a doctor's office can take a toll on a person. Thankfully, I have had the opportunity to go to some counseling and work through how to cope. One person for him. One person for me. Lots of breathing. Recording the appointment is a necessity because I am hardly the advocate that I used to be. It takes me time to process now. It takes removing the pressure to have it all together at that moment to advocate.
Last year was a year of crazy aggression. Lots of scratching, biting, hitting, running across the room to pull hair for no reason. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't take being assaulted in my own home anymore so we started looking into different specialists, ones who don't do medicine the conventional way, but are covered by insurance. Needle in a haystack! More like a grain of sand on a beach. We found one who then promptly started her own practice which meant, no insurance coverage. But, I couldn't take it anymore. We had to go and see if she could pull a Dr. House and help us.
It starts the way all new specialists start, intake forms and "let me order these tests." Don't ever expect to get news on a first appointment. 9 times out of 10, they will just order tests. But this time, she ordered a ton of tests. She even admits to being a vampire with her patients. That's ok because we know that whatever is going on, is a big picture.
Results come back several weeks later. Possibly Lyme, MTHFR, deficient in several supplements, genetic condition that doesn't process molds, immune issues, and oh yea, "His results have high levels of blah, blah, blah. You need to get your house tested for mold." (Remember I have it recorded.) With each results I could hear the proverbial cling of an old cash register. Results like that mean lots of bucks! We will tackle one thing at a time. First thing...mold.
So, first step is getting our rental tested. Does the landlord do this? Apparently, they don't have to in the sunny state of Arizona. Why would any landlord want to cast a dark shadow of mold on their property. According to our rental company, it was probably coming from the McDonald's that we go to 3 times a week. Convenient that they called to tell me and didn't respond to the email I sent them. Oh and if we wanted to, we can just break our lease. What?!! Doesn't that seem shady? No, maybe it's just the desperate plea of a landlord to not figure out more that may financially ruin them.
But what are we supposed to do?! Do we uproot our family from our wonderful neighborhood if we don't know there is mold in the home? No! So, we get it tested.
You guessed it. Mold. Lots of it. Oh and don't worry about the 2x the national average amount of black mold in your home. It probably is not affecting you. Well, it is certainly affecting our immuno-compromised kiddo. Fit and habitable. The state of Arizona states that a rental must be fit and habitable. But what if fit and habitable is defined differently? What if something is not dangerous for the general population but critically dangerous for some? Where are they supposed to live? Where are we supposed to live?
So, we pray. Cry. Look for answers on Google. Cry. Maybe pray some more. Call a family member who is a lawyer. Then, cry really hard.
Best choice. Move. Pack it up and get the heck out of dodge. Don't even mess with trying to get the house fixed because that will open pandora's box. We could try but it will be a long process.
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