tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39808795364601984092024-03-12T16:44:19.436-07:00Think on Such ThingsMelissa Stonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13425435627001426681noreply@blogger.comBlogger53125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3980879536460198409.post-62739114242799636332020-05-27T07:02:00.001-07:002020-05-27T07:02:58.448-07:00His second coming<br />
This is the season of Advent, a season of waiting. This is a time of year where in the the tradition of the church we visibly remind ourselves that we are waiting for Jesus to come again. His first coming as a baby was to take care of sin. His second coming that we long for, that we remember is ahead of us, is for those who eagerly wait for him.<br />
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I read this phrase this morning, "so, Christ, have been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time, not to deal with sin but to save those who are eagerly waiting for him."<br />
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I don't know why I am surprised sometimes that reading God's word so poignantly aligns with the thoughts I have been battling. Particularly, "God, my friend is struggling. Right now, her life is not easy and she is watching her child suffer. Why?"<br />
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This question I have of, "Why?" has been treated so differently from so many different people. They have told me that question is so hard and it will drive you insane. Don't dwell on it too long. They have told me, no one knows why. They have told me, there are millions of reasons why. And, the list goes on. Quite honestly, I wonder if this question scares people who feel like they have to have the answers. I know it does me.<br />
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Then, I read the aforementioned verse from Hebrews and wonder if in it there is an answer to a why question. Let's look at it again. When Jesus comes this second time, this time that we are anticipating in Advent, he is coming for those who are waiting for him. Here is a question, why would they be waiting for him?<br />
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I have heard other authors say that we are living in the now but not yet period of redemption. We have seen the first coming where he has handled sin, but we haven't seen the completion, the eradication of sin and its effects. It's a time of his redemption being here, but not yet.<br />
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There are many reasons why people long for Jesus to return. There is injustice endured for so long. There is a dream to see a loved one again. There is a longing for intimacy that will be fulfilled in the presence of Jesus. There will be no more disobedient children. There will be no more tears, no more death, no more injustice, no more separation. What I see wrapped up in all of these desires for a return of Jesus is that they all come through an enduring of suffering. This longing for Jesus is often born out of adversity.<br />
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Maybe this morning that is the answer to one "why" today? Suffering increases our longing for the return of Jesus and it is those who are waiting for him, who he is longing to return for. He is waiting to return for those who are crying out, "Come Jesus. Fix all the brokenness. Heal the sick child. Make the sickness and pain never return."<br />
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Advent is a season for the suffering. He will come again.<br />
<image alt="post signature" class="right" src="http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm196/eggebrechtprincess/Signatures/TOSHSignature.jpg"></image>Melissa Stonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13425435627001426681noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3980879536460198409.post-26894125578157793292019-05-25T21:35:00.000-07:002019-05-25T21:35:28.982-07:00Mold and Moving<br />
Today is one of the hardest days to date. And yet, I can always sense when we are being prayed for. How? In the midst of insurmountable circumstances, I am calm. My depression hasn't kicked in. My heart still has such great hope that things will all turn out. Promises from God's word are readily on my lips. It may seem chaotic, but there is calm in the middle of the storm. That is how I know people are praying. That is how I hear, see, feel God near. I am so sure that there are a thousand other ways that He is. That's just my finite view.<br />
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Today, we had to get rid of a ton of stuff. I went into today so hopeful that we would get to keep so much stuff and it didn't end up that way. It made so much more sense to get rid of a ton. I am a bit in shock right now to be honest. It is hitting me that so many sentimental things are gone.<br />
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I don't honestly know what is kept and what got thrown away. Are Dan's love letters still with us? Did the last card that my grandpa wrote to me still with us? Did the kids baby slippers get kept? But, all these things have remnants of mold that we don't want to take to our new house, when we get one. Did I really need to do this? Am I living in reality or is this some alternate universe? Shock. It's hitting now, late in the night, after all the movement has stopped.<br />
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But then...guys there always has to be a "but then" or a "but God." Do you see? This is the power of the resurrection in front of us!<br />
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Bad things happen. They happen to everyone and it is no respecter of persons. If we were still living in a world where death reigned, bad things would always lead us down to the worst possible outcomes. Death would reign. But that isn't the reality that we live in. Jesus rose from the dead, guys! Death doesn't reign!! New life, resurrection, gets to spring from the worst possible things because Jesus conquered death. I can have hope that this awful experience we had today will have some light in it, throughout it and at the end of it. The resurrection guarantees for me that there is hope even in the darkest of days, when all around has been stripped away.<br />
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That has to be my hope. It has to be the ground on which we stand or death will overtake. Despair will take root in our hearts and it can lead down a dark and painful road. But don't get me wrong. It still hurts. It still felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest.<br />
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So where was the evidence of death being conquered today? It was found in seeing an army of people circle the wagons around our family to move, clean and pack our house. It was seen in us finding a $250 emergency fund that we lost 4 years ago. Man, God has a sense of humor with that one. It was found in the community that formed over shedding tears. It was found in the disinfectant that could kill mold spores. It was found in little kids learning to serve. It was found in people choosing to give up their Saturday to help. It was found in our trash being someone else's treasure.<br />
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Guys, God's resurrection power of fighting back darkness is all around you! And somehow, I am sure by the power of God's spirit, there will be more and more and more to come in this journey to seeking His glory. It will not be found in man made perfection. I will not be found in our meager efforts to control everything. It will not be found in a vendetta for revenge. It will spring forth from us losing our life to gain His. And that will not be easy. It will more than likely be painful. But it will be worth it!<br />
<image alt="post signature" class="right" src="http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm196/eggebrechtprincess/Signatures/TOSHSignature.jpg"></image>Melissa Stonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13425435627001426681noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3980879536460198409.post-23901553160111585552019-05-25T20:27:00.000-07:002019-05-25T20:27:24.113-07:00There is no quota of sufferingWriter's block. Write. Erase. Thoughts swirling around. Maybe, if I write them down they will somehow make sense. Erase. What if that is what I should write about? Erase. But, I feel the need to write, the urgency to make something with my words. Thoughts. Erase. What if they are too raw?<br />
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This year hardly makes sense. It seems as though it has been one thing after another. Sure the doctor's appointments don't stop. That is a part of life that I have learned to adjust to. PTSD from tons of bad news in a doctor's office can take a toll on a person. Thankfully, I have had the opportunity to go to some counseling and work through how to cope. One person for him. One person for me. Lots of breathing. Recording the appointment is a necessity because I am hardly the advocate that I used to be. It takes me time to process now. It takes removing the pressure to have it all together at that moment to advocate.<br />
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Last year was a year of crazy aggression. Lots of scratching, biting, hitting, running across the room to pull hair for no reason. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't take being assaulted in my own home anymore so we started looking into different specialists, ones who don't do medicine the conventional way, but are covered by insurance. Needle in a haystack! More like a grain of sand on a beach. We found one who then promptly started her own practice which meant, no insurance coverage. But, I couldn't take it anymore. We had to go and see if she could pull a Dr. House and help us.<br />
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It starts the way all new specialists start, intake forms and "let me order these tests." Don't ever expect to get news on a first appointment. 9 times out of 10, they will just order tests. But this time, she ordered a ton of tests. She even admits to being a vampire with her patients. That's ok because we know that whatever is going on, is a big picture.<br />
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Results come back several weeks later. Possibly Lyme, MTHFR, deficient in several supplements, genetic condition that doesn't process molds, immune issues, and oh yea, "His results have high levels of blah, blah, blah. You need to get your house tested for mold." (Remember I have it recorded.) With each results I could hear the proverbial cling of an old cash register. Results like that mean lots of bucks! We will tackle one thing at a time. First thing...mold.<br />
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So, first step is getting our rental tested. Does the landlord do this? Apparently, they don't have to in the sunny state of Arizona. Why would any landlord want to cast a dark shadow of mold on their property. According to our rental company, it was probably coming from the McDonald's that we go to 3 times a week. Convenient that they called to tell me and didn't respond to the email I sent them. Oh and if we wanted to, we can just break our lease. What?!! Doesn't that seem shady? No, maybe it's just the desperate plea of a landlord to not figure out more that may financially ruin them.<br />
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But what are we supposed to do?! Do we uproot our family from our wonderful neighborhood if we don't know there is mold in the home? No! So, we get it tested.<br />
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You guessed it. Mold. Lots of it. Oh and don't worry about the 2x the national average amount of black mold in your home. It probably is not affecting you. Well, it is certainly affecting our immuno-compromised kiddo. Fit and habitable. The state of Arizona states that a rental must be fit and habitable. But what if fit and habitable is defined differently? What if something is not dangerous for the general population but critically dangerous for some? Where are they supposed to live? Where are we supposed to live?<br />
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So, we pray. Cry. Look for answers on Google. Cry. Maybe pray some more. Call a family member who is a lawyer. Then, cry really hard.<br />
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Best choice. Move. Pack it up and get the heck out of dodge. Don't even mess with trying to get the house fixed because that will open pandora's box. We could try but it will be a long process.<br />
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<image alt="post signature" class="right" src="http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm196/eggebrechtprincess/Signatures/TOSHSignature.jpg"></image>Melissa Stonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13425435627001426681noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3980879536460198409.post-85546802470251332832018-12-14T13:41:00.001-08:002018-12-14T13:41:49.938-08:00Unanswered Prayer<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Unanswered Prayer</span></div>
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I remember the dark days of unanswered prayer. The feeling of abandonment was so very real! When it just seemed to be one thing after another and I thought God wasn't answering my prayers of relief for me or my child.Those days have come and gone, then come and gone again and come and gone again. I'm sure they will make another appearance at some point. Maybe now they come more in moments then in seasons.<br />
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I remember the deep pain of those initial days. My child was in the hospital for 5 weeks and each hospital visit to the NICU meant potential gains only to see him regress. Up and down, every day for 5 weeks. Every down seemed to challenge my faith more and cause me to wonder, "Are you really hearing me?" I remember coming home to my husband and 21 month old girl just weeping. I was breaking. I remember my little girl coming up to my husband saying, "Daddy is mommy ok?"<br />
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I couldn't breathe. My heart felt too dead from seeing tubes in my baby, hoping that he would come home. He told her, "Let's pray for mommy."<br />
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They began to pray and I told him, "What's the use? He doesn't hear. He doesn't care about us."<br />
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The wise and great father that he is, swooped my daughter out of the room to let me mourn without her. He could see that my pain could begin to hurt her. Now I know, hurting people are very susceptible to hurting people.<br />
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But those days of silence amidst the storm felt so deep. So personal. Who knows what type of issues it can bring up from someone's past? Vulnerability? Lack of a protector at a young age? Abandonment? Neglect? Sin harboring deep in our hearts?<br />
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These days of unanswered prayer continue to be hard. These are some things I have learned along the way to navigate through them. Am, I perfect at these? By all means no! But they have preserved me as I wait for the Lord to open my ear.<br />
<ul>
<li>The gospel has been the only strong cord to tether me to the love of God. During times of silence, it is easy to drift in thought. Perhaps you can empathize with these thoughts. A devastating thing happens...God please heal, fix or make right...God please intervene...Lord, your will be done...Why aren't you intervening...Are you listening...Why didn't you heal...Don't you care...Do you hear...Ultimately, do you love me? I don't know why He chooses to heal in some situations. He healed me of thyroid issues but hasn't healed my son's heart. I don't know why some prayers get answered and some don't. I have no idea what effectual role our prayers play in God's plan. I just know He wants me to pray. But, what I do know, what I have learned to lean on, what I don't ever have to ask him, "Do you love me?" That question was put to rest when he laid down the life of his only Son to die for me, for the world. My dire circumstances can't change his solid demonstration of love accomplished on the cross thousands of years ago. May that bind your wandering heart to him my friends. His love for you still reigns! So, because He loves you, you can trust him. </li>
</ul>
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<ul>
<li>Despair can be a lonely place that causes you to forget the truth. Do not trust the certainty of despair and remember to stop and preach the truth to yourself. Despair, silence, struggle can isolate you from the community that speaks life into you. Fight to stay in community but I know that sometimes life doesn't allow for an hour long cry session with a friend. So, practice speaking truth to yourself, everyday. What does that mean? Well, you have to know the one who is the truth first. Jesus said, I am the way, the truth, and the life. Truth isn't a set of rules to live by, it is a person to know. Open your bible and ask God to enlighten your heart to see the glory of God in the face of Jesus. What does Jesus tell us about our suffering? He weeps with us. He may not do what we expect, be who we expect, but He is good. He promised to never leave us. He has left a helper, the Holy Spirit, to promise his return. He started a work of making sad things come untrue. He pounded those who were insensitive and judgmental to others pain. He didn't want to go through pain either. He walked through the deepest struggle known to man, physically and being separated from God, for joy. There is joy at the end of all this my friends. Remember to tell yourself the truth my friends! He is alive and still on the throne. </li>
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<ul>
<li>This may be obvious for a seasoned Christian. It may be a companion to those battling through struggles for the first time as a believer. The Psalms give voice to my pain. A counselor that has poured into my life has let me know that once I can name an emotion, it loses large degrees of power. The Psalms show me that I am free to name those emotions. I do not have to keep them in the dark, where they gain momentum. I also do not have to fear them. </li>
</ul>
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<ul>
<li>When I don't feel his presence, I can see it. I remember so vividly a time when my questions were so heavy. I was telling God, "I just don't feel like you are here." I was doing the dishes. As I dried a plastic container, I realized it wasn't mine. Then I started to look through the cupboard to see if there were more containers that weren't mine. Sure enough, there were a ton. Why do plastic containers remind me of the presence of God? These containers were all dishes that I had forgotten to give back to friends. We had them because they had worked to lighten a heavy load during a time of hardship to bring us a meal. There He was! There was evidence of Him sustaining me. At a time when I was struggling to see His tangible care for me, I began to look around my house. Plastic containers, couches, a bed, shoes, backpacks, help moving and so much more evidence of God showing Himself through people tangibly loving us. Paid bills, gifts of face scrub, nails from a night out with girls, so so much more. He is here my friends! And more than just in my life. Step outside and ask yourself, "Who keeps the trees standing? Who keeps the sun rising? Who forms a baby in the womb? Who causes the sun to go down and not stay up to burn the earth? Who keeps the planets rotating in the exact orbit they need to be?" Oh dear friends. He may feel distant from you, but look around and see that He is not absent. For whatever reason, and I am sure there are thousands, this may just be a really awful season. </li>
</ul>
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<span style="background-color: whitesmoke; color: #111111; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "San Francisco", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Ubuntu, Roboto, Noto, "Segoe UI", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: start; white-space: nowrap;">Photo by </span><a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/vhi_LM334sM?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText" style="background-color: whitesmoke; box-sizing: border-box; color: #999999; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "San Francisco", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Ubuntu, Roboto, Noto, "Segoe UI", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: start; transition: color 0.2s ease-in-out 0s, opacity 0.2s ease-in-out 0s; white-space: nowrap;">Annie Spratt</a><span style="background-color: whitesmoke; color: #111111; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "San Francisco", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Ubuntu, Roboto, Noto, "Segoe UI", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: start; white-space: nowrap;"> on </span><a href="https://unsplash.com/search/photos/dishes?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText" style="background-color: whitesmoke; box-sizing: border-box; color: #999999; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "San Francisco", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Ubuntu, Roboto, Noto, "Segoe UI", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-align: start; transition: color 0.2s ease-in-out 0s, opacity 0.2s ease-in-out 0s; white-space: nowrap;">Unsplash</a></div>
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Dear friend, as you wade through these silent and turbulent waters, may you remember who made the river. May that bring comfort and rest, even if for a moment. Wait dear friend. Not on healing, not on resolution, but on the Lord. He delights to give us good gifts but what we deem as good, may not be the same as what He deems as good. May we bow our expectations of good to him and recognize our frailty of understanding. May that frailty be a reminder that we can rejoice in all trials because it keeps us in a posture of dependence upon the one who gives and sustains life. Amen.<br />
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<image alt="post signature" class="right" src="http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm196/eggebrechtprincess/Signatures/TOSHSignature.jpg"></image>Melissa Stonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13425435627001426681noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3980879536460198409.post-90047014866235389972018-04-18T11:14:00.000-07:002018-04-18T11:23:55.850-07:00Learning to ride the roller-coaster<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDkblIDb1OryHaNSs5I_QxaBJXvaH4fONsUOOTaKr3u_XBnm9BkzIWI4_-Os2Q0tNckw-JqKy93OOFLa5C4EXp8w9rsfg6Poaqbx3EJrnRMjf9ih_ksxQ-N4qKVERL-MIiKMysHJ9rbWrF/s1600/roller+coaster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="467" data-original-width="824" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDkblIDb1OryHaNSs5I_QxaBJXvaH4fONsUOOTaKr3u_XBnm9BkzIWI4_-Os2Q0tNckw-JqKy93OOFLa5C4EXp8w9rsfg6Poaqbx3EJrnRMjf9ih_ksxQ-N4qKVERL-MIiKMysHJ9rbWrF/s400/roller+coaster.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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I've never been one for amusement parks. Maybe I was when I was younger or when the idea of being tossed to and fro from a big metal machine was a novelty, but not now. Cue Debbie Downer music. <i>How can you not like amusement parks?! Are you always such a downer?</i> It just doesn't appeal to me as fun. It's probably due to the fact that my body is starting to feel older, more worn. My recovery from things that I used to do in my twenties is not hours anymore. It's more like days. I bet that means I should work out more, take some sort of supplement, heal my gut, rest more, wake up before my kids to run and so goes the list of self-care that I need to figure out how to accomplish so that I can ride a roller-coaster again.<br />
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Truth is...I am on a roller-coaster. Come on, you saw that metaphor coming. <i>What do you mean Melissa? </i>Thanks for asking my friend. That metaphor actually started when my little man was born. I was in the hospital for 6 weeks on bed rest before he was born and he had his own stay in the NICU for close to that length of time. When he was in the NICU, a mom who had gone before me in that surreal space gave words to the days that I was enduring. She told me, "I'm praying for you. It's such a roller-coaster in the NICU!" One day your baby is making great strides. Their doctors start to tell you they can go home in a few days. Finally, you may get back to your cave, your space, your nest where nurturing and growth take place. Then, a bump or a u-turn or a flip happens. Your baby's sats drop, a test result comes back inconclusive, body temps drop, that feeding just wasn't a good one and the ng tube has to go back in. You then find yourself waiting for another day, another visit or another round from the doctor that gives you a good report. You may find yourself waiting for the words that you will get to go home and get off that roller-coaster that is the NICU.<br />
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For some, for those who later come to understand that they have entered the world of special needs, their roller-coaster continues.<br />
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From the very beginning, we knew our guy was unique. His birth was unique. He spent his first year going to more appointments then most go to in a lifetime. We knew he processed the world differently from the beginning. He never liked to be held. He couldn't fall asleep when I was holding him. To be honest, those first several years are marked more by doctors notes then scrapbook pages.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIg61QwU1lEcE3LY6B847fd8vbi1utapFUpb2CAIkfNEU7vjM71TZkar4T6m9od4zANrzrNaax-1Fk4q0IZK7xcyEoiVfXNLNjxEaoYwsI34bXScRWu_VB93EKXWuzhS1-PvWxjR_12AO4/s1600/appointment+book.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="383" data-original-width="683" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIg61QwU1lEcE3LY6B847fd8vbi1utapFUpb2CAIkfNEU7vjM71TZkar4T6m9od4zANrzrNaax-1Fk4q0IZK7xcyEoiVfXNLNjxEaoYwsI34bXScRWu_VB93EKXWuzhS1-PvWxjR_12AO4/s320/appointment+book.jpg" width="320" /></a>In all of those appointments, we still had hope that things would get better. By better I mean, he would interact with us more. He would get used to the sounds. He wouldn't have to go to the doctor as much. We were told by specialists, he is in a marathon but keep at it; some kids grow out of this; we will just have to wait and see. In my mind, I heard, "The roller-coaster may have an end."<br />
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When he was diagnosed with autism at 2, there was such a sigh! It was such a relief! I knew there was a community of support. I learned that autism was not a disability but rather a different way of viewing the world. I knew that our lives would adjust and we would figure out this new normal. I thought the roller-coaster was over.<br />
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Then, the rare heart diagnosis 2 years ago. Then, the genetic diagnosis. Then, treatment for heart. Then, the hard to treat GI diagnosis. Then, the seizures. Then treatment for GI disorder. Then, treatment for heart diagnosis is not effective. Then no seizures.<br />
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Then, it clicked. Thanks to a mom who has walked this road before me in a different arena said, "Let's face it. There is always going to be a next thing. There is always going to be a new way of fighting for health with your Moses." Get used to the roller-coaster missy. You will not get off it. Acceptance, maybe.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAqVpyZ83lQLu1gIgAPRfdN5BPYWsw2VAK35HP8tT3c9SZ9Qf5yIRilNM-bPvsl4Apa4UAQdN9KnJhYmQCiAv7lhVYzUa-I5fVykWtQQmFGpGWGlXoonPiQF-BFWB7GeTekWw-MHSr_Grz/s1600/defib.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="251" data-original-width="350" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAqVpyZ83lQLu1gIgAPRfdN5BPYWsw2VAK35HP8tT3c9SZ9Qf5yIRilNM-bPvsl4Apa4UAQdN9KnJhYmQCiAv7lhVYzUa-I5fVykWtQQmFGpGWGlXoonPiQF-BFWB7GeTekWw-MHSr_Grz/s320/defib.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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So, our next loop is seeking for a better heart treatment. In December of this past year, we were told that his heart treatment isn't working. Medication isn't doing what it needs to do in order to keep him from going into a fatal arrhythmia. So, he needs a defibrillator, a tiny machine placed into his heart to shock him back to life in case his heart stops. The problem with this course of treatment is that these machines are not programmed to our son's rare heart condition. Because of that, he will develop PTSD from being unintentionally shocked. To help reduce the amounts of shocks, he will have to endure subsequent surgeries to alter the message to the machine. This puts us in a new arena of care. We are being asked to make decisions for him that will dramatically alter his quality of life while affecting his quantity of life. Not a place any parent wants to find themselves in. If I make this choice, my child's life will endure less peace. Or if I make this choice, my child's life will be shorter. Who can choose between that, harder or shorter?!<br />
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Now before you look at our life with pity, just wait. We have come to understand a small glimpse of what Jesus talked about in losing our life to save it, even though we still try to hold on. Of how God's power percolates in weakness though at times we try to change our weaknesses. Of how beautiful life can be when you are surrounded by a life that is not comfortable, even though we still try to search for rest in broken hammocks. That life is too short to live inauthentically, even though we still bend toward a fear of what other people think. That Jesus is present in the darkest of places, even when they don't change.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqabQoNZRt6aiDgHxLgzKZc-36AwL2nqqsCIp7LETJqsPBmb5fpr5Qb00vncuLFHKem_OTMvxgplAxe_4mrPKznUhZOw1t0tEhfxEQUlRP4wtmdQLbwbOFGRUl7_aZqs7F_9W_JEUnnEIg/s1600/dark+chocolate.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="259" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqabQoNZRt6aiDgHxLgzKZc-36AwL2nqqsCIp7LETJqsPBmb5fpr5Qb00vncuLFHKem_OTMvxgplAxe_4mrPKznUhZOw1t0tEhfxEQUlRP4wtmdQLbwbOFGRUl7_aZqs7F_9W_JEUnnEIg/s1600/dark+chocolate.jpg" /></a></div>
Maybe being on this roller-coaster has opened our eyes to a world that tastes more bitter and more sweet all in the same bite. So that's it. This roller-coaster has shown us that life is dark chocolate. A really smooth, enticing, expensive bar of dark chocolate. Wow! Too many metaphors in one sentence.<br />
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So, I wonder. What roller-coaster are you on? What wave are you learning to ride? What if letting go of the idea that the ups and downs will end is actually the best place to land. After all, we are in the age of the already but not yet. God has already started the process of redemption but it is not yet fully realized. What if He put us here, in this time zone, this time of history to be ok with the tension?<br />
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">Photo credit: </span><br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">http://amusementrides.org/information-big-roller-coaster/</span><br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">https://www.caraghchocolates.com/products/dark-chocolate-bar</span><br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">https://www.ataglance.com/ataglance/browse/product/Weekly+Appointment+Book/70950</span><br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/17165-lead-extraction</span><br />
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<image alt="post signature" class="right" src="http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm196/eggebrechtprincess/Signatures/TOSHSignature.jpg"></image>Melissa Stonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13425435627001426681noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3980879536460198409.post-70468476576797675432018-04-02T13:03:00.000-07:002018-04-02T13:03:04.672-07:00Dirty Sheets <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2z30uCxwtpSd_MbgGd-zOZr1rJWSwGY7c35bu0Jk_1dX1VExql9arnR1pFF3Le6dhjxEsbpRSSp5LoBts5iN_5qVYVsLMOu1MxIk64_uHFuBjnhqI0zwjNrQgG4AFzwycsvbO50e-aErF/s1600/sheets.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="512" data-original-width="1024" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2z30uCxwtpSd_MbgGd-zOZr1rJWSwGY7c35bu0Jk_1dX1VExql9arnR1pFF3Le6dhjxEsbpRSSp5LoBts5iN_5qVYVsLMOu1MxIk64_uHFuBjnhqI0zwjNrQgG4AFzwycsvbO50e-aErF/s320/sheets.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face",serif;">I can’t
remember the last time I changed my sheets. Sorry to burst your bubble of sanitation,
but it’s true. Many weeks, just getting the family’s clothes cleaned is an Olympic
worthy event. Sheets are often the last thing on my mind to get clean. “Nasty!”
you say. “Doesn’t she know that will help them to not get sick as often?!” you
say. “There has to be some time to work out for cleaning them! I mean, she is
writing right now?!” you say. I know. Those thoughts plague me too. But most
days, my head is too tired. My head is content to just have a bed. No matter if
it’s clean. Most days, I just don’t have the mental energy to think about how I
am going to rearrange my schedule to clean the sheets. If they get done, they
get done. Too me, they are neutral in the span of eternity. I’m pretty sure
that Jesus wouldn’t mind laying his scarred head on my dirty sheets if he needed
a place to stay. I’m sure he would see much more behind those dirty sheets than
a lack of education about germs, or a complete disregard for family care. I’m
pretty sure he would look past the surface of germs and see an exhausted mama. A
mom who works 10 hours a week just to supplement a child’s grocery bill because
of a special diet. A mom who chose not to clean the sheets but instead chose to
take a nap so that she wouldn’t snap at her kids when they got home from
school. A mom who is making sure that her child hasn’t learned how to open
doors and unknowingly walked out into the world with no sense of danger or sense
of a need to return. A mom who has a fiery toddler that loves the sensation of
making an absolute disaster of mommy’s lotion. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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I have no doubt that people have looked into our life and
assumed a lack of education or willful disregard for what is a best practice. On
more than one occasion I have had people educate me on doing my hair or keeping
the house clean. Yes, I grew up with a loving mother who taught me how to do
those things. No, I do not choose to live this way. I live this way to survive
many days. If it’s a choice between clean sheets and self-care, I pick self-care.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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So, next time you see someone doing things that may not be your
version of “best,” maybe you should give some grace. Maybe that mom who has her
tired kids at the grocery store at 10pm isn’t ignoring her child’s need for
sleep. Maybe she has to make a choice between having food for them or getting
them a good night’s sleep because she works 60 hours/week to put a roof over
their head. Maybe she is just trying to survive. <o:p></o:p></div>
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We all need grace and we all need a helping hand. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">Photo taken from https://thewirecutter.com/reviews/best-cotton-sheets/</span></div>
<image alt="post signature" class="right" src="http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm196/eggebrechtprincess/Signatures/TOSHSignature.jpg"></image>Melissa Stonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13425435627001426681noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3980879536460198409.post-34396559302055284552017-11-15T14:57:00.000-08:002018-02-04T21:45:05.933-08:00New Diagnosis, New Treatment and What Will Really Stick<br />
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<div dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-22148b3e-c1e1-5c0d-5418-c96076a6d756" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">So, we have this incredibly insurmountable week before us. At least, it seems insurmountable to me. You see, we have a little boy who, to say the least, is incredibly medically complicated. His diagnoses have left him famous, but for not the reasons that most parents want their kiddo famous for. Most parents may admit to wanting their child to gain some sort of notoriety. Doesn’t that explain the rise of tv shows in which kids are highlighted for their rare talents? I mean, someone has to drive and apply for that child to be on TV. Maybe it isn’t that type of fame you are seeking for your kid. Maybe you want them to be the best dressed at school. Or maybe even you have nobler aspirations, like you take great pride in them being known for their kindness. Hey, I’m not pointing an fingers here. I’m right there with you. I absolutely swell when someone tells me that they love hanging around my kid. Or, that they want to have a playdate with them. But what happens when your child becomes known for how complicated they are. I actually overheard one of our specialists making a comment about our kiddo, “That right there is the case of the century.” Oh, sweet! That’s exactly what we were shooting for, stumping the medical professionals. Ha, ha, jokes on you doctors. You aren’t all knowing after all and we get to be the family to prove it. </span></b></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Are you kidding me?! No one aspires to that! But, nonetheless that is where we find ourselves. We find ourselves on the what seems like a cusp of yet another diagnosis of some sorts. Yet another way in which this rare genetic makeup that God has given my son is fleshing itself out in real life. That’s the hard part about rare genetic stuff, you just don’t know what may be around the bend. Healthy lungs? Who knows. Ability to walk? Glad that one worked out. Functioning heart? We’ll see. And now the question that is before us, ability to clean out his system, process toxins? Maybe. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">You see, in August of this year we headed to San Diego to do a series of medical tests called manometry. It’s crazy how doctors could take this test to measure how strong his digestive system was functioning. Did he have muscle weakness in his digestive tract or is it a malfunction because nerves are not firing properly? Maybe both. We would have to get more testing for that. Either way, his digestive tract is not working to the point where we have to take extra measures to help his body. One of those measures was surgical to treat one portion and another route of treatment involved medication. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">When we started the treatments after we got results, we were told, “Let’s start with the lowest risk.” </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Ok. Absolutely. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">“Then, if this medication doesn’t work out, there are not many other options. You see, your child has Chronic Intestinal Pseudo Obstruction. There are not many options for what is going on with him. If the medication we start him on doesn’t work, we may have to consider higher risk medications.” </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">At that point with the doctor, we weren’t ready to process anything else. It was almost like we were frozen with the idea that there was another diagnosis, let alone what the next steps were. We didn’t ask, “So, what will happen down the road? What does this mean for his future? What are the indications of these treatments? Are there any side effects?” We just froze. We didn’t know what to ask. We just took one step forward and started with an invasive surgery and a medication. We didn’t want to google anything. Learn anymore on our own. We have been through several diagnoses with autism, heart conditions, seizures and now this. We have seen from experience that it can send me into an utter tail spin. So, this time was different. We decided that we were going to just take one step at a time. We had to so that we didn’t live in fear of the future. We chose not to learn more so that we could enjoy today. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Well, this step that we took with medication isn’t working. What we know from here is that further treatment involves higher risk. Higher risk means dangerous indications for his heart. We find that our God has placed us in this position of asking questions about quality of life. Do we treat the heart or digestion? Do we think about function or pain? Does treatment mean better life or not? </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Hard questions. What parent can ever prepare for that? Answer, none! You aren’t made for this. You aren’t chosen to handle this because you are strong. You handle this because you have to. You become strong because you love your child. You’re choices are man up, or let your child suffer. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">So, with those questions before us, I have admittedly been avoiding, living in denial. I haven’t made hotel reservations to travel to San Diego. I haven’t made arrangements for our other children. The reality of what is before us is just too great. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Then, I think about that phrase, “reality.” What is real. What is really before me? I think that I know but I don’t know. I don’t know what life will be like in a year, let alone next month. That’s not my reality. That’s my unknown. I’m afraid of my unknown. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">What really is my reality before me then? What can I can I count on to be true? I can surely count on the fact that all of our bodies are wasting away. That may depress some of you, but for me it actually brings comfort. It levels the playing field. Hearing that my son’s body may be wasting away shouldn’t be a shocked. The part that stings is that it seems unfair for it to be sooner rather than later. But, the reality is that some parents bury their children. Not all parents experience full lives with their children. They may have a few hours, weeks, months or years with their child. It sucks! It more than sucks. It was never meant to be this way and we feel the sting of its abnormality. Life was meant to be forever. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">And here is what I find to be the beautiful thing...life is forever. There is a reality beyond the pain that my son is experiencing. In the book of 2 Corinthians in the bible, chapter 4 verse 16, the author Paul says, “So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our sinner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">So, while my boy’s body is wasting away, his heart can actually be living! While I may see his body get weaker, it does not mean that his inner being, what will last forever, is being touched by this condition. That’s where I find my joy! That is where hope resides, in a view of the eternal. That is what is real!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">In Joni Eareckson Tada’s book, A Place of Healing, she writes of a friend who was experiencing a debilitating case of diabetes…</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">“ Melinda has not lost heart. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">The diabetes may be taking much away from her, but it can’t take that away. The doctors can’t amputate that. The woman is quite literally wasting away, week by week, day by day. But she has not lost heart because she places her trust and confidence in Christ. Melinda knows that no one - no disease - can take away the real Melinda, because He is actually renewing her day by day.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">What a beautiful thought for my boy! No disease, no condition can rob you of who you really are. You are a boy who makes everyone smile! You are a boy who can sprint through life, literally. You are a boy who lets NOT ONE person go unnoticed. Everyone matters to you! You are a boy who loves music and cannot contain his joy. You are a boy of ingenuity as you learn how to get your points across without words. You feel deeply. You love freely. You are brave in an unaccepting world. You don’t give a rat’s butt what other people think of you. And I want the world to get to see so much more of you! I want you to be around for a very long time so that everyone else can taste the beauty of diversity, hard work, long battles, small celebrations, and life just not turning out like you thought. Oh no sweet boy. It is nothing of what I thought it would be. It is far better! You have taught me that. God has used you as a vessel to change my life. No doctor’s appointment, test or diagnosis can change that! </span></div>
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<image alt="post signature" class="right" src="http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm196/eggebrechtprincess/Signatures/TOSHSignature.jpg"></image>Melissa Stonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13425435627001426681noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3980879536460198409.post-16512502780648239412017-08-15T21:00:00.000-07:002018-04-18T14:32:16.362-07:00The miracle of today<br />
One after another it just keeps coming. Miracles. Trust me friends that we are not deserving of these. Our faith has been stripped and crazy challenged by this life. We have always said that God would still be good even if things never changed for us, even if these tests came back devastating. But for reasons only He can fathom, He has given us gift after gift during this trip.<br />
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Yesterday we had to do another day of getting ready, a cleanse. More liquid. Then we met our GI doctors and we saw God's grace on us again. Our main doctor walked into our room and immediately commented about all the verses that we had put up in our room. With going through several hospitalizations, I knew that the hardest battles in the hospital for me was the war waged in my mind. That was by far the most exhausting! So, I spent time with my mom writing out verses...putting our armor on. I knew we would need reminders in his room. Little did I know that those verses God would use to not only protect my mind but bring me allies in the battle. Our doctor said, "I love all the verses!" She explained the procedures ahead and then asked to pray with us. I said yes right away, all the while thinking, "oh shoot, what if she is praying to a foreign God?!" She prayed, "God we know you are the Great Physician. We know you can heal Moses and we ask for your healing hand to be on him. In Jesus name, Amen."<br />
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When she walked out of the room, I ugly cried. I mean hands over my face snort crying. I was so overwhelmed that God tangibly revealed his hands in all this!<br />
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Moses stunned all the doctors with how well he did taking down all the fluids, 80oz in 5 hours. That's my man!<br />
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Then, this morning he started his day at 7:30 being taken up to radiology. It was in this department where he would get probes placed that would measure the contractions in his GI tract. Tough, tough stuff. We got a chance to pray over all the people that were doing the procedure and thank God for the skills that he has given them. It took us almost three hours to be taken back to recovery. It was in those three hours that I was getting flashbacks of his time in the NICU as a baby. For all those parents who have had babies in the NICU, it is a scary and sobering thing to see your child for the first hooked up to machines that are helping them to stay alive. I was terrified that seeing Moses today would be the same. Except this time, he could show me how scared he was with his eyes. It was scary, but when you are a mom of a special needs child, you learn to stare scary in the face and keep walking. How? You have no choice. It is either walk through the scary or walk away. I am so thankful that, as a follower of Jesus, I know God is walking right with me through it.<br />
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After recovery, it was back to the room where his probes would be hooked up and that's when the real work would start. We would have to keep him still for 8-10 hours! For those who know Moses, you can hear the anxiety in our voice. Plus during that time he could not have any type of sedation or it would affect the results of the tests. So, you prayed that God would be his sedation. And he was!!! Moses laid still for 6 hours without protest!!! The doctors said that he did better than his their teenage patients. It amazes us. I am still in awe as a write this. He kept reminding himself all day to leave everything in. He had 5 X-rays and so many people touching him but no freaking out. Guys, he had peace that surpasses all understanding!<br />
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We didn't quite get all the data that was needed and so we will try again tomorrow with very little to fuss with. He pretty much just has to be still again.<br />
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We are just so amazed at how mellow and coherent Moses is. Our Doctor said, it is obvious that he has been living in so much distress. Hopefully they can find something that will help to bring healing to Moses in some way. He is still unique but less anxiety. So grateful for this team of doctors and your prayers! You are being heard by Almighty God!<br />
<image alt="post signature" class="right" src="http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm196/eggebrechtprincess/Signatures/TOSHSignature.jpg"></image>Melissa Stonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13425435627001426681noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3980879536460198409.post-60570207160935430772017-08-13T21:52:00.001-07:002018-02-04T21:46:53.047-08:00I knew there would be miracles!What was ahead of us today seemed daunting. We had to get Moses"cleaned out" for his big procedure on Tuesday. He has been on a liquid diet since Friday night so he is starving! Normally, when he gets hungry, he gets really angry. That started out being my first worry and then God started to knock out my worries one by one. He was in a fantastic mood all day!!! Like one of his best days ever! Not frustrated, not hangry, no screaming, no hitting. In fact, it was better than just avoiding difficult behavior. God abundantly blessed us with lots of affection from Moses. Something we don't often get.<br />
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Next I was wondering how he would do in this new environment, since newness can cause him high anxiety. Like I said, amazing! His hospital room has two things that has brought him so much peace...a balcony and a bathtub. A warm bath and access to the sun are often super calming! Praise God!! Most hospitals do not have baths. </div>
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Then, of course I was wondering how in the world we could avoid a feeding tube being placed to clean him out. For those who aren't familiar with that miniscual procedure it involves being awake and having someone shove a tube up your nose and then asking you to swallow it. In order for him to avoid this invasive little tube that is supposed to be "no big deal," he had to drink 8oz of laxative every 30 minutes. That's 80 fluid ounces of laxatives! They warned us that kids often start refusing because it gets to be too much. They often throw up because they are too full. And Moses completed it!!!!! Doctors were amazed and God got glory! No feeding tube for this kid! No taped face. No gagging or being restrained. Wahoo!!</div>
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Another crazy miracle!!! Moses looked at the clock in his room and said loud. Often times, clocks that tick agitate him. Not even joking guys, it just shut off. What?! It did! Granted it has since turned back on by itself but God used it to remind us that he is taking care of the little stuff.</div>
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Then, my worry was that Moses wouldn't be able to sleep. There are a bunch of windows in his room that shine the light of the outside hallway and nurses station. He sleeps at home in a pitch black room. I realized that I had packed a bundle of black construction paper that we could use to cover the windows. Don't ask me why I packed it! Couldn't tell ya. I wasn't being super thoughtful and thinking ahead. I just saw it laying on our counter and thought, maybe I should pack that. Why?! God knew exactly why, to cover Moses' windows. And now we have a fast asleep little boy! </div>
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Moses also has a fantastic nursing staff that is super accommodating. They have done anything to make Moses comfortable, even if it meant bending the rules. True patient care and not hospital bureaucracy. It has helped me to relax and not have to feel like I have to continually fight for Moses. I can focus on just being there for him.</div>
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Oh and the place we are staying is a sweet reminder of God's extravagant love. Undeserved, beautiful, big and free!</div>
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Tomorrow should be a pretty chill day and we are looking forward to that! Thanks for your prayers!! You helped make miracles happen for our little man today. Tuesday morning is our big procedures. These are invasive and can't be avoided. Pray for answers and that God would be his sedative! </div>
Melissa Stonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13425435627001426681noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3980879536460198409.post-38289973410261225922017-08-11T22:44:00.001-07:002018-04-18T14:32:50.645-07:00Headed to San Diego tomorrow<div class="MsoNormal">
This week has been a whirlwind of preparation. Making sure
we have the right and enough medications. Double checking to-do lists. Laundry.
Cleaning. Paying all the bills before we leave. Laundry. Making sure the girls
are taken care of. Talking to teachers, therapists, doctors to let them all
know we will be gone. Laundry. </div>
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Then there is making sure that he is prepared for the
procedures that we will undertake this coming week. My son, who has a severe
genetic mutation, will be undergoing some pretty crazy tests out of state to
see what is going on in his stomach. You see, his genetic mutation is newer.
Only two twins in Italy have similar symptoms to his. What does genetic
mutation mean? It means that we don’t know the scope of his disabilities. It
means that we don’t know which parts of his body could breakdown or at what
point. It also means that we can’t put our faith in doctors because they know
almost as much as we do. It means that our hope and our strength lie in the One
who formed him when he was in my womb. He is the only one who knows the
complexities of our son. </div>
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I remember four years ago when our first official diagnosis
came, autism. I was relieved. I actually felt like we could have support from a
community of people who had gone before us. It felt manageable (cue laughter
from other special needs moms). Then, the next diagnosis, heart condition.
Then, seizures. Now, GI disorder. When we get back, possibly vision. Who knows
what else. Doesn’t seem so manageable anymore. </div>
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How has God used Moses to teach me about life? Don’t hold
tightly to your successes. Every breath is a gift. The joy of the Lord is my
strength. I am weak but He is strong. Seeing the people of God love on someone
who is hurting is a beautiful sight to witness. Do everything as unto the Lord,
even if that means its hard. Contentment does not come in getting what I want.
Hard things, the insurmountable things of life is where I see God most clearly.
Struggle makes you brave. Disease or a disorder is not my worst enemy, sin is and
God has already conquered that. Rest does not just mean doing nothing. I have
idolized comfort over real community for far too long. And the list could go
on. </div>
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Why do I share these things with you now as we are getting
ready to embark on what seems like a traumatic nightmare? And trust me, I am
not over exaggerating traumatic when my child hates to be touched. I share
these things because I so desperately want you to know how good our God has
been through it all! We have had our rough days, months and years, no doubt. I
know that those rough days will return, ebb and flow. But that’s just it, they
do lighten. The hard days don’t stay hard. And the hardness often shines a
light to a path of greater depth in my relationship with God. The more we
suffer, the more God widens our borders of influence so that He can receive
greater glory. Does that mean I should hope for greater suffering? By no
means!! It does mean though, that I do not have to fear it when it comes. It
means that I can rest in knowing that just as much suffering means even equal
or greater compassion and suffering. </div>
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I have cried many tears this week with the thought of what
we will go through in San Diego. I have been tempted to and worried about what
results will be, what will change. But, for now, at the end of the day I can
rest in the promises of God. I had my mom help me write these out today to post
around his room. I know that we are heading into an arena of anxiety and worry,
fatigue, frustration. I have been in this hospitalization scenario, to some
degree, to know how I will probably respond. I can be a little more prepared
this time. THESE preparations are what really matters. We battle not against
flesh and blood. Clean toilets won’t matter when we are getting results. Mopped
floors won’t matter. Matched outfits for my girls. Home-baked goods. Those
preparations won’t guard my soul, although I have heard from some that a clean
house helps their mind. It won’t for me. Here has been the prep work that has
breathed life: </div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
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<ul>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is
the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow
tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He give strength to
the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and
weary, and young men stumble and fall; But those who hope in the LORD will
renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and
not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Isaiah 40:28-31</span></li>
</ul>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do
not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9</span></li>
</ul>
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<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
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<ul>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">May the God of hope fill you with all joy and
peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of
the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13</span></li>
<li><br /></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self
is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light
momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all
comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that
are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are
unseen eternal. 2 Corinthians 4: something</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><br /></span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">You keep him in perfect peace who mind is stayed
on you, because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3</span></li>
<li><br /></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">I will turn the darkness before them into light,
the rough places into level ground. These are the things that I do, and I do
not forsake them. Isaiah 42.16</span></li>
<li><br /></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">He gives power to the faint, and to him who has
no might he increases strength. Isaiah 40:29</span></li>
<li><br /></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">He will be the stability of your times. Isaiah
33:6</span></li>
<li><br /></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">He will surely be gracious to you at the sound
of your cry. As soon as He hears it, he answers you. And though the Lord give
you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will
not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher. And your ears
shall hear a word behind you saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you
turn to the right or when you turn to the left. Isaiah 30:19-21</span></li>
<li><br /></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. Not
as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither
let them be afraid. John 14:27</span></li>
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I know by now that we will be attacked from within during
this hospital admission. It is scary because there are several insurmountable
tasks ahead of us. The placement of a feeding tube. Other tubes placed after
surgery and leaving them in. Not being allowed to have a sedative because it
will affect the test results. Not being able to move for 8-10 hours. Oh did I
mention no sedative. These all seem insurmountable. I actually called a doctor
to ask, “Do we really need to do this?!!!” “Yes, this is the only way.” For a
kid who has a rare genetic disorder, it is the only way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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But then, I also know that God will abundantly supply grace
in our time of need according to Christ’s riches. So, God will show up. He
already has in so many ways! So God will comfort. He already is! Keep praying.
So, however deep the wound, God’s grace will run deeper. Our hurts, your hurts
cannot outrun God’s grace! He wins. And I know this, I stand firm in this,
because God gave of His only Son Jesus to show me that He would put it all on
the table. He would go to the mat for me, for Moses. And my circumstances, my
feelings cannot change that. I am not that powerful to induce that kind of
change and there is freedom in not having that type of control. This will all
end well, even if it involves an incredible amount of pain. Praise God almighty
for that victory!!</div>
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So prayers.</div>
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<ul>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">That God would be his sedative.</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">That doctors would be wise.</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Procedures would be successful and end quick</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Results would be favorable</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">The tubes would be inserted and stay put until
the proper time</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">That our little guy would have a real and overwhelming
experience of God’s presence</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">That he would not be scared</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">That he would let people touch him</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">That our girls would feel lavished in love</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">That our home would be protected from attacks
from the enemy</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">That nurses, doctors, janitors, child life
specialists, anesthesiologists, volunteers would come to see the glory of God
and be overwhelmed with God’s goodness found in Jesus</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">That we would be quick to give reason for the
hope that we have</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">That we would be a beacon of light to other
hurting families in the hospital</span></li>
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But, though He slay me, yet I will trust Him! Stayed tuned to
see how God reveals Himself to our family and wins!! Rejoicing will come from
this. It has to, or Jesus’ died for nothing. And trust me, He didn’t! </div>
<br />
<image alt="post signature" class="right" src="http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm196/eggebrechtprincess/Signatures/TOSHSignature.jpg"></image>Melissa Stonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13425435627001426681noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3980879536460198409.post-51882690093083741192017-08-01T14:49:00.001-07:002018-04-18T14:33:48.013-07:00Greater things than these<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiduzFffQKPl10qvTnC1HjziQ10Y7e2kF1VWQbfR57UuguFJ1f40qB-bcIufNSG19FxmV4xQ-Qvru8dnEX8L3wyzYz4TP90lqNdC9EEPspWw2KQz9pt70Zikjlnmr2nBRd3gMujnu-ordJG/s1600/greater+things.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="233" data-original-width="704" height="105" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiduzFffQKPl10qvTnC1HjziQ10Y7e2kF1VWQbfR57UuguFJ1f40qB-bcIufNSG19FxmV4xQ-Qvru8dnEX8L3wyzYz4TP90lqNdC9EEPspWw2KQz9pt70Zikjlnmr2nBRd3gMujnu-ordJG/s320/greater+things.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
This past month, I have been changed. It seems as though a
shift is happening in this road of autism, living with the pain of disability,
learning to love the journey. Just looking at those words makes me a little
disgusted because they sound so cheesy, “learning to love the journey”. What?
How do you learn to love cleaning up poop? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyway, things are changing in my mind. The gospel is coming
to bear on my thoughts and I’m starting to see a tiny glimpse, perhaps, of what
Jesus told Nathaniel in John 1. See, Jesus is in the midst of gathering his
dream team, his posse, his community. He is traveling around saying to guys,
“Come and follow me.” Drop everything you have, all you’ve known, all you
thought life would be and follow what I say life is. I’m life. Be with me. Obey
what I have to say. You’ll find life here. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Scary right? Here he is telling these guys to leave their
professions, leave their homes, leave all they know and you’ll see. Right from
the get go, he is giving a call to faith. He called rich people, poor people,
smelly people, grieving people, thieves, religious, loud mouths, skeptics. It
didn’t matter who they were or what they had done. He threw out his net wide. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Some followed and some didn’t. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Stepping out and letting go of all you thought life would be
is scary as hell! Sometimes God is gracious enough to force us to step out. At
least, it has been scary and forceful for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would have never chosen this world of medical complexity
for my child or myself.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY5KWmGg4H0Qw3ZdLiQyQ2tz34Eqder0YlSBDYu6EkhWTNzrTee5Nhj2htbNGKgzwZSy5V2rDlNPBgsR25yuzrC-suPt5FdzoH2RKmfnGWInis5XoveQVzMEfVuv4e6sWqgmTG2DWRxK2C/s1600/keep-calm-second-baby-s-coming.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="700" data-original-width="600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY5KWmGg4H0Qw3ZdLiQyQ2tz34Eqder0YlSBDYu6EkhWTNzrTee5Nhj2htbNGKgzwZSy5V2rDlNPBgsR25yuzrC-suPt5FdzoH2RKmfnGWInis5XoveQVzMEfVuv4e6sWqgmTG2DWRxK2C/s320/keep-calm-second-baby-s-coming.png" width="274" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When we were pregnant with our second child, I was like any
other experienced mom, hopeful that this time around would be a little easier.
Sure, I knew that they would be different personality wise but at least I knew
how to clip baby nails and give a bath. At least I knew how to breastfeed and
transition to solid foods. At least I didn’t have to look in a book when any
tiny thing changed or a new stage came. We were so hopeful and overjoyed when
we found out we were having a boy! My picture of our perfect family was coming
true. One girl and one boy. Tea parties and football games ahead! Daddy’s
little girl and a mama’s boy. I couldn’t have been more delighted. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And we had great spiritual hopes for our kids. Even before
we had our first girl, we knew that if we ever had a boy, we wanted to name him
Moses. Years before we were pregnant with him, we had read the biography of a
man. A man who boldly went into a different country and
shared the good news of Jesus to a people very different from his own. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We admired his faith and knew that we
wanted our son to have a name that reminded him of this man’s bold faith. I
remember praying while I was pregnant, “God use this boy’s mouth to be a
megaphone for the gospel, to many nations, to the far reaches of the earth.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Follow me and you will
see greater things than these.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And then, God gave us a beautiful, brave little boy who has
great difficulty communicating and can’t hold a conversation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A boy who has spent his life in
therapies and doctors visits. The dreams and the spiritual prayers that I had
for our boy changed and died. I stopped dreaming about football games and
started to pray for an “m” sound. I stopped praying that God would use his
mouth for the gospel and started praying that God would use his mouth to just
swallow and chew food safely. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You see, I started this parenting journey with a hidden
ideology that my kiddo’s worth revolved around <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">how many</i> people he could impact for the sake of the gospel. I had
dreams that God would use him to reach hundreds and even thousands. Not a bad
prayer from a parent right? I wanted him to be a world changer. Now, I’m not
saying that he won’t be that or God can’t use him in a different capacity. God
will do as He pleases with the impact of my son’s life. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_LiDbqBL-BkieDDJklXGpSU4r9BISdG-Nn9ku4CZ7ilI0q_IbHWrymRDMYxZX_lXTy0LjS2Acu3MVf2NvYv0HgIqDPY6Q9V02bBR_xtkd62W6eJ-41W_zAjV4a5uWK2BWHg0vqbCbYBqU/s1600/shepherd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_LiDbqBL-BkieDDJklXGpSU4r9BISdG-Nn9ku4CZ7ilI0q_IbHWrymRDMYxZX_lXTy0LjS2Acu3MVf2NvYv0HgIqDPY6Q9V02bBR_xtkd62W6eJ-41W_zAjV4a5uWK2BWHg0vqbCbYBqU/s1600/shepherd.jpg" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What I know now is that while I was praying for God to use
him in others, I failed to realize that God does things differently than I
would plan. I forgot that He is also the God who leaves the whole flock, the
big impact, to go after one. That one has been me. I will forever be a
different person because God gave me Moses. Moses has changed my world. He
has been a mouthpiece for the gospel in my life. I know God better because he
is in my life. What more could I hope for Moses? I can only hope that God will
use my life to impact someone else’s for God’s glory and he has already
accomplished that and continues to do so! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And so, God is continuing to shape and mold my prayers
toward my children. As far as I see it, Moses' namesake is more true now then
I ever thought it would be. He is being called into an unknown world. Every
time he talks or has a scary new experience, he is displaying faith and
boldness. He is teaching me and the world new ways to look at this place that
God has created for us. He has a unique experience of God and I can’t wait for
the day to hear all about it. </div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Truly, God is showing me greater things than I had ever
hoped for in those early days. My dreams were way to small in those days.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">These are the links that I got the pictures from. I do not endorse these sites. Just like the graphics. Credit due: </span><br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">https://armysgeneralcorner.wordpress.com</span><br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">https://www.lds.org/bible-videos/videos/jesus-declares-the-parable-of-the-lost-sheep?lang=eng</span><br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">https://www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/p/keep-calm-second-baby-s-coming/</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<image alt="post signature" class="right" src="http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm196/eggebrechtprincess/Signatures/TOSHSignature.jpg"></image>Melissa Stonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13425435627001426681noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3980879536460198409.post-20796973285524171622017-07-19T23:05:00.000-07:002017-07-19T23:05:48.374-07:00My Undoing - When a parent gets hit<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am undone. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What is your undoing? Is there something in your life that
has just laid you out bare, stripped you of all you thought you knew? What
caused you to become unglued at the seams and your whole world is threatening
to fall apart? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://fineartamerica.com/images/artworkimages/medium/1/fetal-position-sarah-biondo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="376" data-original-width="600" height="200" src="https://fineartamerica.com/images/artworkimages/medium/1/fetal-position-sarah-biondo.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was thinking about this question today as I worked
outside. Yep, I was working outside in the heat of an Arizona summer and …dun,
dun, dun…I liked it. I like the feeling of sweat. It feels like a cleansing to
me. Like all the impurities of my week are leaving my body and I have a chance
to just sweat it out. I don’t exercise, other than chasing around my four kids.
But, I assume that this is one of the reasons why people enjoy working out. Or
maybe, this is the reason that some of my Native American people do the sweat
lodge. Or maybe, the Finnish have an answer to life that we, in America, don’t
yet understand when every house is equipped with a sauna. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I needed that cleansing today because I started my
day with being hit. That was my undoing. Disability has various moments of
undoing. It can come with every missed milestone and every persistent behavior.
Today it was hitting. I know that I am not alone in this undoing. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, don’t go calling the authorities. My son has autism.
Most days he is very sweet but just doesn’t know his own strength. Then, there
are other days where he hits on purpose. You know it’s on purpose because you
can see it in his eyes and in the snicker of his smile. Today was one of the on
purpose days. We have tried everything in the book to figure out why he does
it. Attention? Needs not being met? Medication change? Did we do something in
the wrong order? Weather? Gluten? Dairy? Parasites? And the list could go on.
We don’t know why he gets aggressive and neither do the specialists. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On the days when he hits, how do I respond? Most days, I try
to move on with a straight face. Not give him negative reinforcement. I try to
distract him or start the routine over. I try to communicate what appropriate
touch is like. Today was different. Today, I just had to walk away because
being hit by a 7 year old is not just a love tap anymore. And did I mention
that he is really fast. He will swipe at a moments notice. Sometimes I think
the shock of it is more assaulting than the actual hit. If you see me with bruising and scratches, that is why. Dan and I have already talked about how it may not be safe for me to be a stay at home mom, if he gets stronger than me. </div>
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<br /></div>
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So, I had a hard time returning to the routines as usual,
making breakfast, getting ready for summer school, getting the kids dressed. It
was difficult to reengage and I told my husband, “I have given my entire life
for this kid and what do I get in return? Being hit! What's the point?” </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I see the flaw in my service to my family. “What do I get in
return?” My love today was conditional. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Don’t get me wrong. I believe that it is wrong for him to
hit me. I will keep trying to figure him out. We will keep trying to teach him
that hitting others is not funny. But it is immensely hard to do when you don’t
understand what is being understood. Is it that he doesn’t know what gentle
means? Is it that he just wants to be funny but doesn’t understand that two
people have to enjoy something for it to be funny? Is he possessed? Is he overwhelmed?
Does he just need attention? </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://etc.usf.edu/clipart/68000/68005/68005_119_w1-11_s_lg.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="602" data-original-width="800" height="240" src="https://etc.usf.edu/clipart/68000/68005/68005_119_w1-11_s_lg.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God was gracious to reveal the nature of that conditional
love and move me toward repentance. Still working that one out. Running from
the ideology that I can have joy when my kids are performing correctly. Even
when it is the basic performance of “come here” or “stop.” My joy will falter
if that is my hope. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://cdn.instructables.com/FLM/3S9N/IC37BDLE/FLM3S9NIC37BDLE.MEDIUM.jpg?width=614" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="465" data-original-width="620" height="240" src="https://cdn.instructables.com/FLM/3S9N/IC37BDLE/FLM3S9NIC37BDLE.MEDIUM.jpg?width=614" width="320" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Working outside today reminded me of my true joy! God not
only used sweating in the blistering heat to give me a cleansing of the
physical body but used pulling apart pallets to help cleanse my mind. As I was
taking a crowbar to wood, I started to think about Jesus. He was a carpenter.
(Man, am I glad he chose that as a profession and not a politician) He would
have taken apart old pieces of furniture or wood pieces and refurbished them
into something new. He would have felt the pride of making something well. I
wonder if he thought of the joy in refurbishing a broken life? I wonder if he
thought of taking a human life and turning it into something different? He
would have gotten bruises on his hands breaking down the wood. I wonder if He
thought of the beatings that He would get going to the cross? Or the emotional
bruises He would get by being abandoned? He would have done the hard work of
pulling out nails. I wonder if He thought of the nails that were going to go
into his hands? I wonder if He thought of my undoing? He would have sanded down old pieces to make them smooth again.
I wonder if He thought of the worn life of His child, me, and how He was
smoothing out the rough spots?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
bet that his profession prepared him to love better. </div>
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Yep, breaking down pallets today helped remind me of my true
joy, Jesus. It has to be found in Him or I will perish. It has to be grounded
in the good news that He has already conquered my worst enemy and that is not
autism. My worst enemy is sin. Nothing, not autism, can ever take that away.
What can separate me from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus? Autism can
bring some pretty hard days but it will never bring a day of eternal separation
from God. It is not that powerful! </div>
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For that, I rejoice that I have been called an overcomer.
Not because I have the ability to overcome autism, but because God, in Christ
Jesus, has conquered sin and death. Oh death where is your victory?! Oh death
where is your sting?! </div>
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<image alt="post signature" class="right" src="http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm196/eggebrechtprincess/Signatures/TOSHSignature.jpg"></image>Melissa Stonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13425435627001426681noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3980879536460198409.post-82104419373539353162017-07-11T15:00:00.000-07:002017-07-11T15:00:49.005-07:00How mom's can love their kids when it is hard<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 25pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">How mom’s can love their kids </span></div>
<span id="docs-internal-guid-ebfa433a-33a3-4ac6-d5ea-d39e1655686f"></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 25pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">when it is hard </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 25pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 25pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><img alt="Image result for mom holding child's hand" height="416" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/c-jZCSm7KoOJHRJ1tlhzQRo5ZdxoA0xDcww-bWNiyAHAgU946TgmGslgwGMFacM5Z7mmPiB2dKQSVajiB09F2zpPtUmT2qI3n1fNx1FijwGgXjHni7hRiE2O8Me_CJsxjzkCS7IZ" style="-webkit-transform: rotate(0.00rad); border: none; transform: rotate(0.00rad);" width="613" /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 25pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-ebfa433a-33a4-e914-12d3-3a589c92d2d7" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><br /><br /></b></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 25pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> By Hannah Stone</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 25pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 25pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 25pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 25pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Chapter 1 Loving God</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 25pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 25pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When kids get in trouble it can be hard when you have lots of kids to take care of or when you are stressed out. But when you trust in Jesus everything is possible. Trusting in Jesus can be hard sometimes but when you do he will strengthen you to do anything. Jesus can do miracles in your life when not expected at all. Like when you accept Jesus into your heart. When you die you will go to heaven and see Jesus there and everything will be perfect.When your kids are stressing you out or you are having a hard time trust in the Lord and He will give </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 25pt; text-indent: 36pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">you strength. When you love the Lord He will give you the power to take care of your kids. One year olds,two year olds and I could go on and on. I love the Lord very much and you should to. If you don’t love Jesus I will pray for you and I hope you will ask Jesus into your life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 25pt; text-indent: 36pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">You know what would make your life even better? Praying for your kids! So I hope you will love Jesus and all of the people around you. That would please God very much. God is the best King you could ever ask for if you ever want one. God will answer your prayers with a yes,no or a maybe. And if you don’t know how to pray start with saying Dear Jesus or Heavenly father,then you say something that you need help with or something that you need or someone that needs help then when your done say Amen or in Jesus Name Amen. Loving God is very important because He wants everyone to know Him so that he can come back to earth and there will be a big party and it will be the best party ever. I want to go to that party and you should to. Loving God is the thing that you should do most. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 25pt; text-indent: 36pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 25pt; text-indent: 36pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"> And it also </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 25pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> what matters</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 25pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 25pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> MOST.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 25pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<image alt="post signature" class="right" src="http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm196/eggebrechtprincess/Signatures/TOSHSignature.jpg"></image>Melissa Stonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13425435627001426681noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3980879536460198409.post-33681698459251228302017-05-29T14:37:00.000-07:002018-04-16T14:36:41.716-07:00What has gotten me through the anger or When God absorbs my anger Part 2<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBGQSI5dirm722xixq4LLBxHW2iBGWPX5a7u5rCd154Wl31oBgwXYrHJQm_PfhRcETu2tHia-MihOb5MFkVOeBTqG1ewo1p0AoQcpdoiMzVw2SB_iNqgHK9YzR9v4pmQYjq_20HpI7wmxV/s1600/turning.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="279" data-original-width="279" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBGQSI5dirm722xixq4LLBxHW2iBGWPX5a7u5rCd154Wl31oBgwXYrHJQm_PfhRcETu2tHia-MihOb5MFkVOeBTqG1ewo1p0AoQcpdoiMzVw2SB_iNqgHK9YzR9v4pmQYjq_20HpI7wmxV/s1600/turning.jpg" /></a></div>
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For me, <a href="http://thinkonsuchthings.blogspot.com/2017/05/im-teenager-and-i-hate-you.html">the last post on anger</a> was a musing of the past. It
was emotions that have taken me years to work through and at times, still work
through. It began when our family lived in North Carolina several years ago and
this journey of having a medically complicated son began. I found myself more
and more angry at what God was doing with our life, about how He was
orchestrating everything for His glory. I didn’t get it! I still don’t in many
ways. That anger that I experienced so frequently turned to bitterness and
distance. I just didn’t want to read the Bible. I didn’t feel like going to
church. I didn’t want to teach my kids about God because I just didn’t trust
him. It was a dark season. At times, it still is. </div>
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My heart felt so sick and what was worse is that I could see
where I was. I have grown up surrounded by the Church all of my life and I knew
that my heart was growing cold. </div>
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Honestly, I don’t remember what the turning point was. I
don’t think that there was a big event, a life changing conversation with a
friend or a conference that I went to that changed anything. </div>
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What I do think that has sustained my faith, delight and
sheer joy in my God is continuing to read the word even though it felt empty at
times. Those empty times have not been a few days or a few months. They have
been years at times. It makes me think of the people of Israel and how they
waited and waited…400 years for God to reveal himself to His people again.
That’s about the time between the Old Testament, when the presence of God left
the temple, and when God revealed Himself to Zechariah, John the Baptist’s dad.
Or what about the waiting of God’s people to bring them out of slavery? </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWfFAm7hOqUD9rD9SRQnPHfrLUOlxggoCo32Rl9XG7X-KEBVu3h-e6x36Csq7P05Rw20qYiLMrOvUU6DSvW1r2eaMzy2gsbMr1g_WIwJy_RQgFicomSfzZr9Nb5iECJRRJvZk9OEFvhmSS/s1600/bible.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="159" data-original-width="318" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWfFAm7hOqUD9rD9SRQnPHfrLUOlxggoCo32Rl9XG7X-KEBVu3h-e6x36Csq7P05Rw20qYiLMrOvUU6DSvW1r2eaMzy2gsbMr1g_WIwJy_RQgFicomSfzZr9Nb5iECJRRJvZk9OEFvhmSS/s1600/bible.jpg" /></a></div>
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6 years ago, I read a book called, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Together-Growing-Appetites-True-Woman/dp/0802404480">Together: Growing Appetites for God's Word by Carrie Ward. </a>There were different times while reading it that I was crying and laughing.
It’s a great quick read for young moms! It was then that I decided that I was
going to read through the Bible. I can’t say that I have faithfully done it
with my kids. I can say that God has sustained me to keep reading all these
years later. In the book, she talked about how she was in her 30s as a person
who grew up in the church and had still never read through the Bible. I was
with her. And I had even graduated from a Christian university with a degree in
Bible exposition!! I knew I had read the parts as a whole, but never read
through the whole thing. I always committed too, started in Genesis and fell
off somewhere around Numbers or Leviticus. Carrie’s own testimony fueled me to
know that I could take my time and that God didn’t care if it didn’t take me a
year. He just wanted me to keep going. So, here I am. 6 years later and I am
about to finish Revelation. I just kept reading. No matter how long it had been
since I stopped, no matter how empty I might have thought it was…I just picked
up where I left off. And there have been pivotal times in this journey the past
6 years that God knew exactly where He wanted me in my reading. There have been
times when I thought that the word wasn’t true and it was returning void on my
heart. Boy was I wrong!! God always, always, always used it. Many times it just
took time…sometimes years. </div>
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What has also sustained my joy is
NOT trusting my emotions. When you are in the thick of a depressive state, of
an angry season, of distance it can feel like that season is never going to
end. It can make you wonder if things are ever going to get better. It can make
you drum up regrets from the past and fears of the future. It can seem so true
and certain. But, several years ago, I read this fantastic little <a href="http://www.desiringgod.org/books/when-the-darkness-will-not-lift">booklet</a> by Desiring God. You can download it for free. In it, the author reminded me to not trust the
certainty of despair. Thankfully, when I hear myself and my emotions casting a
very grim view of my future and its ensuing demise, I remember that those
thoughts are not to be trusted.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0D41liuVY99AOq0t1aKEXFtTxOGvAD_4OSIz_8QV22NVmq4Za2BZ5d_2CvpIMSVtU7ori9HkcMgZ21lR5h-7UyJgNni_8fNM7VqbR1gXivgN7Qj0eiwuckKqAdZF5s391_iStxVyXLFGf/s1600/praying.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="621" data-original-width="933" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0D41liuVY99AOq0t1aKEXFtTxOGvAD_4OSIz_8QV22NVmq4Za2BZ5d_2CvpIMSVtU7ori9HkcMgZ21lR5h-7UyJgNni_8fNM7VqbR1gXivgN7Qj0eiwuckKqAdZF5s391_iStxVyXLFGf/s320/praying.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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What has also sustained my
relationship with Jesus has been the grace of other people’s prayers! I don’t
even know who has been praying for us. There has been so many times along this
journey that someone has said, “Oh you’re Moses' mom?! We have been praying
for you.” It astounds me to think of where my faith would be now if not for the
prayers of other individuals who have been praying for our faith to continue.
And to even think that Jesus is praying for our faith to continue is
mind-blowing! We truly feel them and thank all of you reading for praying for
our family. We would be lost without the earnest prayers of the saints! Keep
praying for the people in your life who have no strength to go to Jesus on
their own. I continually remember the story of the man who Jesus healed and
forgave his sins when his friends lowered him down through the roof of a
building. This man did not have the strength to go to Jesus himself and yet his
friends did. Talk about loving earnestly! They brought him to Jesus and tore
open a roof to get him there. Then it says in Luke 5:20, “And when he saw their
faith, he said, ‘Man, your sins are forgiven you.’” He saw THEIR faith, the
friends faith. There have been many, many times that I have had to lean on the
prayers and faith of others to bring me to Jesus, because I just didn’t trust
or have the strength to get there on my own. I didn’t have the heart to sing
praise, so I would listen to songs of others. I didn’t have the prayers to
pray, so I would listen to the prayers of others. I didn’t have the words to
say, so I would listen to the sermons of others. Leaning on the people of Jesus
has been a humbling, painful and beautiful thing to experience!</div>
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Most importantly what has
sustained me is the gospel. I have asked God many, many times if He loves me
then why? And every time, I am reminded that I don’t have to question if He
loves me. He proved that love for me by having Jesus take my place on the
cross. My emotions don’t change the fact that Jesus died. My doubts cannot
literally change the past. For that, I am so incredibly grateful!! I am so
thankful that I cannot rewrite history. That will remain. That is my constant.
God’s love poured out on this world for you and for me, years and years ago.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9Rce6uLFXE-WyMc3eqrEeyS_7XRhUuEW6is-9XIaZhyi9ghd_jgs01l6k-SFxAOQYwA0MM6ATJH1hwjAiTzw6BxX4968F8PxfdbQidI9s7UYq0esVydkNIi7Chs4Nfy4dMaeoDiqQ3945/s1600/hold+on.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="276" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9Rce6uLFXE-WyMc3eqrEeyS_7XRhUuEW6is-9XIaZhyi9ghd_jgs01l6k-SFxAOQYwA0MM6ATJH1hwjAiTzw6BxX4968F8PxfdbQidI9s7UYq0esVydkNIi7Chs4Nfy4dMaeoDiqQ3945/s1600/hold+on.jpg" /></a></div>
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Those questioning times, those
angry times are still hard. But, I am so thankful that I don’t have to remain
there anymore. For those that are still waiting, just hold on. Peace will come!
Peace that passes all understanding is coming. It is walking down the halls of
our hearts and the door will be opened soon. Just wait a little longer. You
will not be stood up! </div>
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<image alt="post signature" class="right" src="http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm196/eggebrechtprincess/Signatures/TOSHSignature.jpg"></image>Melissa Stonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13425435627001426681noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3980879536460198409.post-54557832517480614502017-05-26T22:17:00.000-07:002017-06-04T23:09:51.586-07:00When God absorbs my anger toward Him, Part 1<div style="text-align: center;">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I just realized something a few days ago, I’m a teenager
right now. I may be 34 but my new life with Jesus actually began 16 years ago.
I was a freshmen in college when God awoke my heart. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t have a teenager yet, but I definitely remember being
a teenager so many years ago. I remember the awkwardness of those times. I was
still trying to figure out the world and I thought I had so much figured out. I
thought I knew what I was doing. I thought that I knew what was good for me.
Wow, was I dumb! How can I be so harsh with myself? Well, when I was 16, I was
in my first relationship…if you can even call it that. I was working at Marie
Callendar’s restaurant and crushing super hard on one of the servers. He was
22. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As a mother now, I realize the terror that my mom had in her eyes when she
found out I was seeing this boy off and on. I remember her telling me, “You’re
never going to see that boy again.” He had gotten fired from the restaurant…I
knew how to pick the good ones. So, not seeing him was a reality while getting
to keep my job. She made me tell her where he lived, then drove me to his
trashy apartment to say goodbye, while she waited in the car. While I can say
now that I thank God my mom saved me from making some majorly stupid mistakes,
at the time I did not feel that way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>At the time, I was heartbroken. At the time, I thought I knew what was
best for me. At the time, it made me so angry. I remember telling her, “I hate
you.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I find myself in my teenage years again, except this time
it’s not a quarrel between me and my mom. It’s a quarrel between me and my dad,
my heavenly Father. I think I know what’s best. I think I know what I'm doing. I think that having a
stress-free life is what I need. I think that I shouldn’t have to go to all
these doctors appointments. I think that my child shouldn’t have to experience
the type of pain that he has experienced. I have looked at my circumstances and
at times felt, this is too much. You have screwed me over. Why are you doing
this to me? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have felt like the author in Psalms 39:13, “Look away from
me, that I may smile again, before I depart and am no more!” In other
words, I don’t want you anymore God. I would be much happier without you. I get
what the psalmist was saying. I have said it before… “Here I am, trying to
serve you with my life, and this is what I get in return?! Just go away from
me. I can survive without you.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Teenager, “Dad, I hate you!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Then, the truth of God’s character shines through the
darkness. I remember the love of my mother even after I told her that I hate
her. I have this God-given picture in my mind. All I can see is this big,
strong, weeping dad holding His daughter in His arms while she flails and
yells, “I hate you! Why are you doing this me?” That’s all He does…He just
holds her and absorbs her anger. Why? Why doesn’t He lash out? Why doesn’t He
explain everything to her? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember Psalm 39. It tells me something about the
character of God that He would even allow something like that in His word. He
wanted the psalmist’s suffering and anger against Him to be remembered. But,
why? It doesn’t say explicitly, but I’d like to think, He left his pain in
their because God can take it. He can absorb it. He is the strong dad, who
isn’t afraid of our anger and who isn’t going anywhere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is the dad holding onto the teenager
who is wailing on Him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My anger,
my lack of understanding at the time, my belief that I have it figured out does
not scare Him away. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How great is my God that He will let me cry to Him like that!
How wonderful is the Lord that He wouldn’t walk away from me, when I may be
hurting him in my doubts! How merciful and humble is my God that He doesn’t
strike me dead, though He has every right to! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I think of leaving Him behind because of my current
pain, I think “Where would I go? Only you have the words of eternal life.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
So, my dear friends who are angry at God…I do not know your
pain. I do not understand what God is doing. I don’t have the answers. I sure
do want them. If you are struggling with God and wanting Him to just leave you
alone, maybe you are in your teenage years as well. If you are, can I encourage you? Can I encourage you to let God have it... all your anger. He can take it. He is not scared of it. He wants relationship with you more than perfection. He sure does want your holiness, but He understands your limitations. Do not be afraid of His response when you are angry at Him. He is a weeping dad, holding His angry teenager. Maybe we will love better
because we understand how much we have been loved, even at our lowest…even when
we told Him, I hate you. And, I am so sorry that you are going through deep
pain. You are not alone.<br />
<br />
My friends, there are so many layers to this issue. There are so many things to unpack. There are many imperfections. But, let's cast our cares upon Him because He will sustain us during this difficult season!<br />
<br />
To hear more about how God has sustained me through this anger, gotten me through it and continues to do so, check out <a href="http://thinkonsuchthings.blogspot.com/2017/05/what-has-gotten-me-through-anger-or.html">Part 2</a> of this post. </div>
<image alt="post signature" class="right" src="http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm196/eggebrechtprincess/Signatures/TOSHSignature.jpg"></image>Melissa Stonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13425435627001426681noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3980879536460198409.post-8852465956511664562017-05-21T20:45:00.001-07:002018-02-04T21:52:51.719-08:00What a week and your mothering task is just as significant!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
This week has been a doozy! We’ve gone through weeks like
this before and we thought that they were just the new normal that we had to
get used to. Weeks where Moses has these crazy highs and lows. A week where we
batten down the hatches and kick into survival mode. No budgets. No showers. No
breaks. These weeks make me see the wonder of dry shampoo, wet wipes, credit
cards and early bedtimes. They happen about once a month or maybe every 6
weeks. Truthfully, I’m not too sure about the timeline because these weeks are
a blur. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With everything that has been under concern with Moses's GI
tract, I wondered if this were another ileus. That thought drove me to email
his specialist and ask for an x-ray. I felt like he was in a lot of pain,
besides the fact that he kept saying “owie.” When he’s in pain, he seems to
make raspberry sounds with his mouth a lot, like 90 percent of his waking day.
Which then causes bleeding lips. His stimming activity is at it’s peak and he
can’t seem to break out of the broken record of activity that he gets stuck in.
Flipping through books, page, by page, by page for hours. “Mommy, mommy, mommy”
, “Hannah, Hannah, Hannah.” Over and over and over again. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZcUQR7FfNobL7LRgHEkGBwA7ZMsYD0i52qwbsaSaXF0KsEfhjEs1czvQryYAWcYjTM3d7sxNJwTqzaTL1xtitvjkIka6uqpSCClVyPe8wI_z9hoHnkvGB5SNyCX24lBrt7Rf6qUk_HF1q/s1600/abdominal+xray.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZcUQR7FfNobL7LRgHEkGBwA7ZMsYD0i52qwbsaSaXF0KsEfhjEs1czvQryYAWcYjTM3d7sxNJwTqzaTL1xtitvjkIka6uqpSCClVyPe8wI_z9hoHnkvGB5SNyCX24lBrt7Rf6qUk_HF1q/s1600/abdominal+xray.jpg" /></a>Back to the specialist…she ordered the x-ray so that we
could get it outpatient instead of heading into the ER, again. I had this
sneaking suspicion that it was his stomach. He was hurting bad. So, we upped
his normal GI meds like we did when he had another episode and the next morning
we heard from the Dr. He was in a lot of pain because things were just not
working properly. I’ll spare you the details and hopefully preserve some of his
privacy. Let’s just say he had to have morphine in the hospital the last time
this happened! Today, we’re currently trying to manage what is going on and
just hoping that this doesn’t turn into something life threatening. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Who am I kidding, it is life threatening. I’m still coming
to terms with that. The doctor made that clear on his last visit with using the
word “morbidity.” More and more, I’m seeing that my little boy’s life is
hanging in the balance on a regular basis more then I ever realized before. First,
he is at risk for sudden cardiac arrest. Now he is at risk for I don’t know
what yet. (That’s what San Diego testing may tell us.) It’s strange to give
word to the fact that this week, I was fighting for his life. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You know though, that’s what all moms are doing. We are all
fighting to nurture life. That is our mission here. That is us fighting back
the darkness. My fight will no doubt look different from another moms, but it
in no way makes my fight more significant. My fight may be more stressful but
it does not make it more important. Mommas, keep on fighting to nurture life!
Keep on changing those dirty diapers, even if you change them for 40 years.
Keep on having those difficult conversations, even if they don’t get it. Keep
on teaching them to value other people no matter how different, even though
they are just being kids. Keep showing them what it means to work hard, even
though they aren’t seeing the rewards of it yet. Keep giving them kisses at
night, even though they don’t ask for them anymore. Keep showing them how to
get thru the pain of loss, even though they see you hurt. Keep fighting to have a child, even when there is no child in your womb. Keep telling them they are loved, even when they physically attack you. Keep teaching them respect, even when they make a poor choice. Keep praying for them, even though they are still using. Ladies, we are
fighting back darkness with every doctors visit, every therapy, every insurance
call, every overdue bill, every home cooked meal, every discipline, every word
of affirmation.</div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
And, if you don’t have the energy to keep fighting, know
that you are enough. Just you! We are all going to fail. We are all going to
get tired of the fight! That’s what good soldiers do. They get tired because
they have been doing their job! After you have rested for a while, get back up
and get in the fight. That’s what I’m doing right now, taking a rest at a local
coffee shop.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And for those who are in Christ Jesus, remember that we were
called not only to believe in him but also to suffer for his sake. It was never
promised to be easy but it is promised to be rewarding. Remember how highly God
values this calling. I was totally blown away by how God values the role of a
woman in the home. Micah 2:9-10 talks of how a place without a mom for her
children, a woman in the home is not a place of rest. It is a place where
splendor has been removed. Now, the point of this is not to belittle the daily
fight of a single mom or a struggling family! It is however, to encourage the
moms at home that God sees that your role brings His splendor and rest! And,
this is in the midst of God pronouncing woes. In short, God will fight for His
splendor to be displayed in the home, a place that is supposed to bring rest. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Dear mommas, many of us don’t feel like our home is a place
of rest. Many of us are fighting just to get rest. Many of us don’t see that we
are fighting back darkness in the mundane. Beloved, we are! Walk by faith and
the truth of God’s word. We are displaying rest and God’s splendor by nurturing
life in our homes. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Keep at it
today! You are only called to think about today. One day of nurturing at a
time! Don’t worry, I’m waiting for bedtime too. </div>
<image alt="post signature" class="right" src="http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm196/eggebrechtprincess/Signatures/TOSHSignature.jpg"></image>Melissa Stonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13425435627001426681noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3980879536460198409.post-62650130822312359912017-05-12T22:52:00.001-07:002017-05-28T20:40:25.760-07:00Happy Mother's Day to those who don't want to think about Mother's Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5tQMAAaXIR73DN6EjBm82W66D1R6U2ry8t22E9ZQjlZylf49QArVkZBZiI5c3Q7D4b1C6Vqk4w-cOdlQyJ1mbVNWyVw_EqFnv-JghlQx_IB248KoZqBFffedoi7By_AqSvo2aQ-lV8RIl/s1600/Happy+mother%2527s+day.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5tQMAAaXIR73DN6EjBm82W66D1R6U2ry8t22E9ZQjlZylf49QArVkZBZiI5c3Q7D4b1C6Vqk4w-cOdlQyJ1mbVNWyVw_EqFnv-JghlQx_IB248KoZqBFffedoi7By_AqSvo2aQ-lV8RIl/s1600/Happy+mother%2527s+day.jpg" /></a> </div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Happy Mother’s Day! So glad for you if that congratulatory
statement brings you pride, joy, and happy memories. I am truly thankful that
you can spend this weekend celebrating. Take some good time to think back on
the blessing of being a mother. There is a little one or ones in your life who
treasure you! You have people in your life who love you no matter how many
wrinkles you have. No matter how many dimples in your thighs. No matter the
level of education that you attained. No matter the job that you gave up. No
matter the moments that you lost your patience. No matter the clothes you wear,
the perfume you buy. No matter the level of clean that you keep the house. No
matter the amount of money you make. No matter the nutritious food you make.
You are valuable. You are loved. You have made a huge contribution to this
world just by loving your family. You have been given A TASTE of unconditional
love. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To those who are hiding in their home on this day of
celebration because it brings too much pain,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to those who are grieving the loss of a child, to those who
are hating this journey of motherhood, to those who desperately want to be
called “mom”, to those struggling through postpartum depression, to those who
are spending this Mother’s Day without their mom, to those who never had a mom,
to those who wish they never had a mom, I also say… you are valuable! You are
loved! You have and may yet make a huge contribution to this world just by
sharing your pain. Someone once told me, God will never waste our tears. He
hates our pain and sorrow just as much as we do! He wants to bring purpose to that pain. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEih_K0Hb2iZ6oOhiT81yf6P2OfPQzFGmTlTxN96Gclh5etLjmGdnpad_P7DFCIy5tZQVYawX1G91n9KAFAoj4VlcLIS1tCaPBztzoW4wzs528gtfYUsGVl_vtjpnW8TFiO3rYnw4FB3oz2Q/s1600/mother%2527s+hug.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEih_K0Hb2iZ6oOhiT81yf6P2OfPQzFGmTlTxN96Gclh5etLjmGdnpad_P7DFCIy5tZQVYawX1G91n9KAFAoj4VlcLIS1tCaPBztzoW4wzs528gtfYUsGVl_vtjpnW8TFiO3rYnw4FB3oz2Q/s320/mother%2527s+hug.jpg" width="238" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We have this beautiful assurance because of the
resurrection of Jesus that pain and death is not the end of the story. For
those who believe in the covering, justifying, sanctifying work of Jesus, you
can be assured that this pain is not the end of the story. One day, you will
see your child again (2 Sam 12:23). One day, your mourning will be turned into
rejoicing (Ps 30:11). One day, you will have more children then those of a
woman with a husband (Is 54).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One
day, your sadness will <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>be turned
into rejoicing(Ps 30:5).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One day,
you will experience the tenderness of a mother (Is 66:12-13).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To the hurting and broken, you have
been given the REALITY of unconditional love! You may not have the love of a child
or a mother, but you have the love of a gracious and good God. How do we know
that? He gave of His Son…His only child. What you so desperately miss, desperately crave…He gave freely. You get it don’t you? You, perhaps more than those who
have children, get the treasure that was given up when losing a child. You have
partnered in His pain. </div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
So, for that pain…I say, Happy Mother’s Day. You know deeply
the loss of a child, the loss of expectation, the loss of the ideal. That
acquaints you with parenthood more than you may know. That equips you more to
love deeply, just as a mother. May your pain produce faith, endurance and hope. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<image alt="post signature" class="right" src="http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm196/eggebrechtprincess/Signatures/TOSHSignature.jpg"></image>Melissa Stonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13425435627001426681noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3980879536460198409.post-32306012221119076612017-05-04T22:48:00.001-07:002018-04-16T14:35:00.329-07:00When healing doesn't happen or does it?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWTY89cioHwdXQBfnWdmnkkqE1zewz1rCNhKXECdI4kChrxcsVSBUkFUfjb_gxhXdnGxJYTd6TI48CnQFpM6l0X1pyfkMLJq6xlcD83B7i_yOyEtu1KRl6iOOarQM6duRmyWBm6kaOYWVw/s1600/miracles.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWTY89cioHwdXQBfnWdmnkkqE1zewz1rCNhKXECdI4kChrxcsVSBUkFUfjb_gxhXdnGxJYTd6TI48CnQFpM6l0X1pyfkMLJq6xlcD83B7i_yOyEtu1KRl6iOOarQM6duRmyWBm6kaOYWVw/s320/miracles.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve grown up in a faith, a “religion,” a community that
believes in miracles. Jesus did miracles. Fed 5,000 people from 5 loaves and 2
fish. Raised people from the dead. Made the lame man walk. Caused the blind man
to see. Healed lepers. Cast out demons. Healed a man who seemed to be having
seizures. Disappeared from crowds. Caused a hemorrhaging woman to stop
bleeding. His disciples did miracles. Raised the dead. Healed the sick with a
touch of their cloak.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My question for so long was…would that ever happen to me?
Would I ever be the recipient of healing, a miracle? I would venture to say
that we all might want that. We all have something in our life that we would want
God to look at and just fix, on the spot, no waiting, no mistakes. Hurt made
whole. Then, <a href="http://thinkonsuchthings.blogspot.com/2014/08/healing.html">God answered that question for me several years ago</a>. I still can’t
believe that He would grace me with a glimpse of His glory in that way! Praise
be to God who would have been just as good if He hadn’t healed me. I know many
who haven’t been healed in that way and still believe in the goodness of God. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What I struggle with now is…what about Moses? If God can do
miracles, which He can, why wouldn’t He do one for Moses? I’ve heard of Him
healing genetic disorders, heart conditions, stomach conditions, people who
couldn’t talk but suddenly start doing so. Why not for Moses? For so long,
that was my prayer. “God please, just help him. Give him a voice. Take away his
autism. He has such a hard life right now, make it easier.” Anger and a huge
feeling of disappointment filled my soul because He wasn’t answering. Silence.
That’s all I got……(<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-QrLHXxjDE8V6fqGacM9c042AcP_E7wWRMhO38XWCOBU3W9ezT0ABNLIqTzOwb5GzZhYU3ET_fTZpd3VeCfe8dFbP_XLjZ7rEgbfMz8TbL3MhtZ1tu0psqQAfCpmCWExMvR5BLfZ11gHS/s1600/silence.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-QrLHXxjDE8V6fqGacM9c042AcP_E7wWRMhO38XWCOBU3W9ezT0ABNLIqTzOwb5GzZhYU3ET_fTZpd3VeCfe8dFbP_XLjZ7rEgbfMz8TbL3MhtZ1tu0psqQAfCpmCWExMvR5BLfZ11gHS/s1600/silence.png" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then, I began giving God my anger. Telling Him how mad I was
at Him for not healing our son. I still have to do that. I began hitting Him
with my hard questions. This came in the form of several journal entries. I
started to realize that God was not afraid of my questions. That He really was
answering me in my time of need. I understand that people think differently
about how God speaks but I know that the voice I heard that day was filled with
His words. I will give you a snipit of that conversation. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>August
29, 2016</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in;">
Me: Should I stop praying for You
to heal Moses or at least relieve some of the struggles for him? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in;">
God: YES!! Pray for my glory to be
revealed. That is love, that is fullness. That is a courageous and bold prayer.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in;">
Me: Oh LORD, I am scared, fearful
to pray for your glory.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in;">
God: Oh Melis…My glory, shakes
mountain. It’s ok to be scared. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There it was, on that day, that I stopped praying for God to
heal Moses. I didn’t know what that meant but I was going to obey. I was going
to settle in. I was going to start planting crops in this field of autism. I
was going to start building a home in this grove of disability. I was going to
let go of healing. I needed to really. My expectations<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>of life needed to die to make room for
growth. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It wasn’t until recently that the subject of healing came up
for me again. My husband and I have been reading an excellent book called, The
Life I Never Expected. In it, a husband and wife share some of the things they
have learned, grieved and embraced from having two children on the autism
spectrum. The chapter on healing hit me like a ton of bricks! Andrew Wilson
explains how biblically there are really four different kinds of healing that
God works through. Healing done by our own bodies. Healing done through the medical field. Healing
in an instant. Healing in eternity. Before August 2016, my desire for Moses was always for that instantaneous healing. <a href="http://thinkonsuchthings.blogspot.com/2014/08/healing.html">The one that I had experienced</a>. The
one that our instant culture wants. What I failed to take into account was that
God is healing Moses everyday!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzR-n7H0PLB7OPVkIqmYT4rF2g2DPCLW4AsrqJwfdOAXi_bQqxwIGbv61jEAPOYVclVWnp3uD7jzJxjhSvS7zzLqzVQri-Pc2K_fArGlAXkcjY99ouN4KyBubDGQYgA5hnsC2gqF-5il9W/s1600/red+sea.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzR-n7H0PLB7OPVkIqmYT4rF2g2DPCLW4AsrqJwfdOAXi_bQqxwIGbv61jEAPOYVclVWnp3uD7jzJxjhSvS7zzLqzVQri-Pc2K_fArGlAXkcjY99ouN4KyBubDGQYgA5hnsC2gqF-5il9W/s320/red+sea.jpg" width="320" /></a>Dr Christiannese who saved him from having a Gtube when he
was 5 weeks old.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dr. Walsh who noticed an irregularity in his heart.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dr. Papez who diagnosed his Short QT Syndrome.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jeannette Silver who showed me what an amazing therapist
could be like and set the bar for choosing all other therapists. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Insurance providers who have approved hundreds of thousands
of dollars to provide medical care.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The leg braces that he used to wear when he was 2 years
old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The thickening agent he used to have added to his milk so
that he wouldn’t choke as a baby. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The doctor who told us he was not going to live long which
started the ball rolling for him getting transferred to a better hospital. (And
that doctor was wrong.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The medical equipment that has been used to place his heart
monitor.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The person who invented laxatives. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The thousands of dollars that have been given to our family
to help with unexpected expenses.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The countless hours of therapy that have been supplied to us
by a generous state. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The therapists…oh the therapists!! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The person who invented a Samsung tablet so that Moses could learn how to communicate in a different modality.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The chairs that were purchased for the waiting rooms in the
hospital.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The pharmacists who have put together life saving drugs. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A car that has taken us to each appointment.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
People who have helped take care of our girls while going to
those countless appointments. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
CPR training from our church. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The crazy amount of people who have held up our arms in what
has been a Red Sea road for us. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p>And the list could go on...</o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-indent: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The materials to build the hospital, the oil
that fuels the ambulance and enables me to get there before I die from blood
loss, the image of God in the paramedics that makes them give themselves to
rescuing people they’ve never met, the wisdom of the surgeon, the intelligence
and skill of the thousands of individuals whose discoveries have made operating
rooms and anesthesia possible – all these are gracious gifts of a loving God
whose mercy enables healings to take place across the world that would, in any
other generation, have been considered quite miraculous. No wonder they call
him Yahweh-who-heals-you (Ex. 15:26)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>- The Life We Never Expected, The Wilsons. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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Guys…get this…Moses has been being healed! My fear, my
anger at God’s lack of action was inaccurate, misplaced. Don’t get me
wrong. I will still look forward to the day that I can sit down with Moses and
have a true heart to heart. I can’t wait for the day that he will be made
whole! But I take comfort in knowing that his healing has already begun! And,
in all reality, so has mine. </div>
<image alt="post signature" class="right" src="http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm196/eggebrechtprincess/Signatures/TOSHSignature.jpg"></image>Melissa Stonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13425435627001426681noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3980879536460198409.post-73782745642520357862017-04-26T13:20:00.000-07:002017-05-28T20:42:04.127-07:00Joy comes in the morning but grief sucks!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmAxCXOfVfYsvqjILSS49P46iIEpNV9m_XVngVutPYx0OdbsbQO-z0VDjsuUeSv9X5Cx6yPSL9Q1EAdSe9yy-PaKkhR-WspKzzil6dO_xsx4Lb9hi1TUJcGcZR1F8YV49yIEL1wuUpaR_2/s1600/curse+or+blessing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="202" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmAxCXOfVfYsvqjILSS49P46iIEpNV9m_XVngVutPYx0OdbsbQO-z0VDjsuUeSv9X5Cx6yPSL9Q1EAdSe9yy-PaKkhR-WspKzzil6dO_xsx4Lb9hi1TUJcGcZR1F8YV49yIEL1wuUpaR_2/s320/curse+or+blessing.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve often wondered, how in the world do some families who
are affected by disability say, “Autism is such a blessing!” It’s almost
frustrating when I hear a person say that because in my mind I’m thinking,
“Yay, cleaning up poop that has been smeered all over is a HUGE blessing!” or
“Not being able to hear how my kid’s day is, HUGE blessing!” It’s made me mad
because I am so far from saying that! Or when someone says, “I wouldn’t change
my child for anything!” Well, you know, right now I would. I would really love
for him to not scream all the time. I would really love for him to answer my
questions. I’m just not able to say those things…YET. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have a feeling that those sayings may come in the future.
At least, I hope they do. Right now, we are in a season of heavy grief. We are
seeing a lot of the experiences that our family will probably never have and
it’s hard saying goodbye to those things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Things like going to my son’s football, soccer or baseball games. Things
like having a mother/son dance at his wedding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Things like having your excited child wave at you from the
stage of a school performance. Things like passing on the family name. It’s
been a heavy season letting go of those dreams. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqX0zvk1ohmVnvPCgXINr9LKRKhTdglaX8vAAWMaxAH7A8GxzNMvun9LorNPhAknUI6T4mKGLI1WwhMKs04FFoUazuGvaoAX62hhz2MyZxDjGNgHVeawJ_UD4Sl27MEmzILKF6g5ZNgAsD/s1600/grief.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="128" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqX0zvk1ohmVnvPCgXINr9LKRKhTdglaX8vAAWMaxAH7A8GxzNMvun9LorNPhAknUI6T4mKGLI1WwhMKs04FFoUazuGvaoAX62hhz2MyZxDjGNgHVeawJ_UD4Sl27MEmzILKF6g5ZNgAsD/s320/grief.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know that many people are scared of disability hitting their
family because they know that grief is a part of the deal. No one wants to
endure that type of pain, that type of suffering. In fact, I even had a mom
tell me that she was glad that her life wasn’t ruined. Harsh, I know. But,
don’t we all think of grief and sorrow as a ruining? It is. It tears away the
hopes that you had, the values you had, the dreams that you expected to come
true. I wonder though, is that how God views grief?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Bible gives me a picture of how God does view grief and
suffering. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Blessed are those who mourn (Mt. 5:4).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You
mean, this feeling of sadness is a blessing in God’s eyes?! <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and
contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. (Ps 51:17) <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You mean, God wants me to offer him my broken heart? <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed
in spirit (Ps 34:19) <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You mean, my
brokenness actually secures a promise of God’s nearness? </i>And all God’s
promises find their “yes and amen” in Christ. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief…surely he has
borne our griefs and carried our sorrows (Is 53:3,4). <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You mean, God was not afraid to get messy by grief? <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Although he was a son, he learned obedience through what he
suffered (Heb. 5:8). <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You mean, even Jesus
went through a school of suffering?<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ
you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake (Phil. 1:29). <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You mean, suffering is actually a gift, a
grace?!</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Way different from the way we view the suffering brought
about by grief! One of the challenges of the Christian life is bringing every
thought captive to Christ, every thought under His scrutiny and submission.
That means even my views and hatred of the suffering brought about by grief.
According to the Bible, I should not despise my suffering. I should see it as a
grace, as a gift. This is where I daily have to ask God for faith to believe
that what He has said is true. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are many days that it seems more like a gift that I
want to return. I want to believe that my grief is a gift to keep. Maybe once I
accept that truth, I will be able to say with those families, “Autism is a
blessing.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m starting to get a very small taste of that faith given
by God. My suffering from grief makes me believe that I “share in his
sufferings” (Phil 3:10).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I can
know how my Jesus, who died for me, felt a tiny bit better, I see that as a
gift! If I can learn to be content in all situations, I consider that<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>gift. If I can learn to do all things
as unto Jesus, even if it’s cleaning a bathroom floor after a child’s accident,
then I consider it a gift. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMzAH_aRYbFDcwU66_ceorINdmRbDJeNmNKv1pg_0WoE2RI2koOfkb5mU1OHMk5n66eRuKKPxufZx4buYrra6W2SEbB4aZbr8CamacXy7-x2F-nnxUrLFRL5huIuVYHXbUrmokhlAhf9Ot/s1600/gift.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMzAH_aRYbFDcwU66_ceorINdmRbDJeNmNKv1pg_0WoE2RI2koOfkb5mU1OHMk5n66eRuKKPxufZx4buYrra6W2SEbB4aZbr8CamacXy7-x2F-nnxUrLFRL5huIuVYHXbUrmokhlAhf9Ot/s320/gift.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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What I do know about seeing suffering as a gift is that it
makes me so much braver! I don’t fear the difficult as much. God will be near
me! He will never forsake me. He is not scared of the difficult. He is not
scared of my fears and pain. What I do know is that this cycle of grief won’t
be forever. God will turn my sorrow into joy…even if that joy is found when I
am in His presence after death. These are the promises I must hold to during
this season of grief. Joy will come in the morning. </div>
<image alt="post signature" class="right" src="http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm196/eggebrechtprincess/Signatures/TOSHSignature.jpg"></image>Melissa Stonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13425435627001426681noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3980879536460198409.post-26336926191682357612017-04-18T13:28:00.001-07:002018-04-16T14:33:38.312-07:00San Diego and Living in a world of unknown<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
2017 has been a whirlwind of a year. I remember celebrating
the New Year in January, we were so hopeful for the newness that was ahead, for
the fresh start. 2016 was the year that Moses was diagnosed with a wicked rare
heart condition and we were looking forward to falling into a new normal of
maintenance. We no longer had to give him medication after 4 hours (waking him
up in the middle of the night). It seemed as though we had finally adjusted to
this new diagnosis and were thankful to take some deep breaths to lick our
wounds. After a diagnosis that rocks your world, you may often only start to
see how your family, kids, marriage has been affected till after the doctors
visits have calmed down, therapies been put into place, insurance been taken
care of. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That feeling of newness, freshness, anticipation of
good…somehow I think we should celebrate more often. Not just one day of the
year. As Christians, I think we get a taste of that again at Easter. We
remember that the old has passed away, the worst enemy has been defeated, the
sad is coming untrue. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At least, I
know my heart needs a more frequent reminder that I can put the past behind us
and move on for the good things that are ahead. It can be easy for me to live
in the past hurts, the past pain, the Good Friday of life. So very glad that
Friday wasn’t where things ended for Jesus! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In January, we headed into another health battle that is yet
to be clarified. Moses' genetic condition is unique. Not rare…as in, no one
else in the world has it. The symptoms he is exhibiting with his genetic
mutation is starting to be a combination of symptoms that doctors have not
seen. This new symptom is manifesting in his GI tract. We have no idea what is
going on! Doctors don’t know yet. We don’t know how serious it could be. We
don’t know how simple or complicated of a fix it could require. We don’t even
know if there is a fix. Lots of ‘I don’t knows.’ Heading into an unknown is
tough. No, not just tough. It’s excruciating. With cancer, you have a course of
treatment. With Down Syndrome, you have a general understanding of what has
been affected, although not to what extent. With Moses, we have been told,
that his genetic condition could manifest itself in his kidneys, lungs, brain
and heart. This GI manifestation is new from what they expected. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, how do you live in uncertainty? I’m still trying to
figure that out. What I do know is that the more I focus on what I don’t know,
the more my heart wavers, staggers, gives out. The more I focus on what I know,
the more stability. Have to stay in the things that I know. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What I do know is that God is good. He is for us and not
against us. He will make all things new one day. Jesus did not just come to
redeem me. He came to redeem the whole world. One day all sickness will be
wiped out. One day, tears will never come from sadness again. Many have gone
before me who never got to taste the fruition of God’s promises but they did
come true, even after those individuals died. I should not be surprised by
struggle. God hears the cries of the afflicted. I am not in control. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
These are just some of the things that I am sure of. The
Bible calls this faith, the assurance of things hoped. Some people don’t
understand that faith involves assurance. It’s not a blind faith. It is a hope
in the never failing promises of God! And God proved his faithfulness on the
cross and throughout the whole of the Bible. Story after story of how God
ALWAYS keeps his word. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The hard part is the timing of it all. I think the hard part
may always be the timing of it all. We just want resolution sooner rather than later. We at least want it in our lifetime. But to be honest, we may not see it in our lifetime. Admitting that frailty is tough! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
From here, we are still living in the unknown. This is a period
of literal testing where we hope to learn more of why Moses is experiencing
great distress in his GI tract. So much distress that he had to have morphine
during his last hospitalization. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Praise be to God though! We just received word from Rady
Children’s Hospital in San Diego that Moses' case was accepted and we received
insurance approval! This is truly a miracle since our doctor told us that
getting an insurance approval could be very difficult. This was a Red Sea
moment! Just one of many to add to our list of God’s faithfulness. We wait for
consultations and more approvals. We wait to hear when we will be heading to
San Diego, most likely at some point in the summer. We wait to see God provide
for the host of needs that will arrive as a requirement of going out there. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Pray for faith to be strong. Pray for us to see God’s hand
as we are walking through heavy grief right now. Pray for us to have wisdom in
guiding Moses through these host of new experiences. Pray for us to trust,
even though He slay me. Pray for hearts to be comforted along our journey. Pray
for insurance to be generous. Pray for wisdom to know our limits and protect
and love the girls through this. Pray for good memories to be built through the
pain. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Thanks for reading friends! We need all the support and love
that people are willing to give. God has us on a marathon and we feel as though
we are often “hitting the wall” and yet He says, “Push on. You are not done
with this race.” </div>
<image alt="post signature" class="right" src="http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm196/eggebrechtprincess/Signatures/TOSHSignature.jpg"></image>Melissa Stonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13425435627001426681noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3980879536460198409.post-88187726201481506722017-03-20T10:06:00.001-07:002018-04-16T14:30:48.636-07:00Girls You Are Heroes - A letter to my girls<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCtLWehcxY2zY3JJM6Ghuc_KQSZVua_4gU45l6LI5s-0Yz22zWPCWUHKo_d0idlycfKqwMBgycmZ2RFnq-V8e2GXSS7mEjaXw_5jJnb_PEM4I7MbPU83HrmGKyiowwYmggVgxrBZCNyvbw/s1600/superhero.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCtLWehcxY2zY3JJM6Ghuc_KQSZVua_4gU45l6LI5s-0Yz22zWPCWUHKo_d0idlycfKqwMBgycmZ2RFnq-V8e2GXSS7mEjaXw_5jJnb_PEM4I7MbPU83HrmGKyiowwYmggVgxrBZCNyvbw/s320/superhero.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh my sweet girls. As I sit here in downtown Gilbert, taking
in the sounds around me, enjoying the sweetness of time to just think, I can’t
help but think of you right now. For so long I have wanted to write you a
letter to tell you more about our life. To explain to you more about why mommy
cries so much. Maybe someday, you will read this and understand better what I
am not sure you may not understand right now, at age 8, 4 and 14 months. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You girls, are my heroes! Our life as a family, it has not
been easy and you are the first ones to see and experience that. However,
because this is all you have known, I wonder how much you see the struggle. I
wonder if your free spirits and flexibility are a result of not having to<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>mourn some of the luxuries that you have
not been able to experience. Some of the things and experiences that I wish I
could give you but can’t at this time because of how difficult Moses' health
makes our day to day. Experiences like going to a restaurant as a family,
taking a family vacation and all sleeping in the same room. Taking a bike ride
as a family. Walking through a store without people looking at you. Getting
time with mommy and daddy that is undivided. And many many more that I know you
want also but mommy often says no. I say no many times because I’m scared that
I will be putting one of you in danger. I’m scared that if we go to the park, I
will not be able to keep Ivory from eating woodchips while Moses is running
into the street. I’m scared of going into the Chik-fil-a to play because in
order for me to place our order, I would have to put Ivory on the ground or let
go of Moses' hand, and then he could run. Or, I’m scared of the tantrums that
he would throw and it would just be too overwhelming for your brother to be in
those places. His tantrum would then result in broken hearts because we could
only stay for 5 minutes instead of 30. So, I often just say no. I want to be
braver for you girls. </div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Then I wonder, are you becoming bitter with me saying no all
the time or is that God’s way of building gratefulness in you. When we say no
to the game system because we have to pay a medical bill, I pray that God is
teaching you to appreciate what we have. Believe me, I want to say yes. I want
to say yes to all the sleepovers, all the bike rides, all the play dates. We
just can’t because our family is experiencing different challenges then other
families. </div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ2nDiUUluWHP1Ur0kd5wBMjTxzgD12odBsBQVorc-p-V396fyZBw8X9yvLhqCI8t2UZ7904nttX_FAfgsreXRe-mhZmHPmjkaIiu-26IRzYEYbfUEcJqLHbFUEcB6kYbDzYQAwOjdlEWC/s1600/o-127877391-570.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ2nDiUUluWHP1Ur0kd5wBMjTxzgD12odBsBQVorc-p-V396fyZBw8X9yvLhqCI8t2UZ7904nttX_FAfgsreXRe-mhZmHPmjkaIiu-26IRzYEYbfUEcJqLHbFUEcB6kYbDzYQAwOjdlEWC/s320/o-127877391-570.jpg" width="303" /></a></div>
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I just wonder what this upbringing is working in your hearts
and I beg, I pray, I plead that it is not a heart of bitterness. In fact, I see
small glimpses of the bravery that it is teaching you. It is teaching you to be
courageous lovers. A few days ago was one of those days where autism is
dangerous, where autism is draining, where it is most difficult to see the good
that comes from autism. Hannah and Izzie, a few days you showed me what it
means to give of your life for someone else. We were riding in the car on the
freeway, headed to an appointment for your brother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had put him in the seat next to your 14 month old sister
and normally that wouldn’t be a big deal. On that day though, it turned into a
nightmare. He started hitting, just smacking her little face over and over
again. I’m not sure if he was trying to get her attention, my attention, was
frustrated with the level of noise in the car, was scared about reflections he
was seeing or if he was just being mean. I just know that he started hitting
her helpless little face and we were on the freeway. The only thing I could do
was maneuver as fast as I could to get off the freeway so that I could
rearrange his seating to prevent this. As I maneuvered and tried to block his
hands, Hannah, you unbuckled and put your body in front of your sister. Izzie,
you did too. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never asked you to
do this. You both just stayed in that position, letting your brother attack you
while I got off of the freeway. You are 8 and 4 years old. By the time I got
off the freeway and he stopped hitting and scratching, Hannah you had been
pretty scratched up. You grabbed your arms and didn’t cry. Of course, I was
crying. Through my tears I asked, “Are you ok?” And your response blew me away!
“Mom, I would much rather get hurt than him hurt my sister. He didn’t mean it.
It’s ok.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Babies, whether you see
it or not… you showed Jesus, embodied Jesus in that moment! He is teaching you
to love, even when it hurts. That is amazing!! That is courageous!!! That is
God in the flesh of my 8 year old and 4 year old girls. </div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I pray that I get better at walking through those moments
with you to show you how God is using you, alive in you. That’s what you were
created for baby! No, not being beat up. I never, ever what you to get hurt. I
never ever want you to walk away from this life thinking that it is ok for
another person to hit you. I tell you that all the time! But that day, you
shared the gospel to me, and now to the world. And girls, the gospel is worth
it! You did on that day, what Jesus has done for this whole world. You laid
down your life for your fellow man, whatever the cost, even when it cost you
your own comfort, your own safety. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even when the person you were saving did not deserve it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hereos girls! You girls are heroes! </div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Again, I must ask that you be brave as we head into a new
type of journey. We got word this week that some of Moses' medical issues, his
tummy problems will require us to get more testing. This testing has to be done
in a different state. There are a lot of pieces that have to fall into place to
make this happen. Insurance, coordinating specialists, finding childcare,
finding another car, making sure someone is there to make meals for you, take
you to gymnastics, take you and pick you up from school. And I am sure a lot of
other things as we go further down this road. We will maneuver it together
though. God will be faithful to our family. He always has and He always will.
We just may have to do an extra hard job of looking for it when we are
apart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please know my sweet girls
that mommy loves you so much! Please know that I don’t want to be away from
you, for our family to be separated. It feels a lot like it did when Moses was
first born and in the NICU for 6 weeks, having to choose who to spend time
with. I hate it. But I am so proud of you! </div>
<image alt="post signature" class="right" src="http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm196/eggebrechtprincess/Signatures/TOSHSignature.jpg"></image>Melissa Stonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13425435627001426681noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3980879536460198409.post-27505072827424627902017-03-01T20:59:00.001-08:002018-03-11T20:53:47.175-07:00The Pendulum is in Motion<div class="MsoNormal">
Here we are again. Writing an update of the medical
happenings in the Stone home. You know, someday we hope that we won’t have to
write these updates. Someday maybe this blog will be filled with posts of
redone furniture or fun new recipes, maybe lessons we are teaching the kids.
Not today my friends. Not today.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgobnBTNajbpK9HeLIJ1cyHK_5Cf1nQlDujBGmqJvLU7P4uZg1nGq88xGvOSnxVzGuOJOxf6mPztiJfvAtuX7mk2NlUzMcYPGDbK20hTd8Jt9Rk4CXLzhAg22Pve4q6OH0BBm1AN5EkkJ5K/s1600/light-switch-off.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgobnBTNajbpK9HeLIJ1cyHK_5Cf1nQlDujBGmqJvLU7P4uZg1nGq88xGvOSnxVzGuOJOxf6mPztiJfvAtuX7mk2NlUzMcYPGDbK20hTd8Jt9Rk4CXLzhAg22Pve4q6OH0BBm1AN5EkkJ5K/s1600/light-switch-off.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Today we invite you into our new journey with Moses. For
the past month, we have been in survival mode, just trying to make it to
bedtime. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Why?</i> You ask. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What is going on?</i> A month ago, something
very strange started happening with Moses and it lasted for eight days! Moses stopped eating and stopped using the bathroom. At first, we didn’t really know
what to think of this. My first reaction as an ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis)
momma was, this might be a sensory issue or a behavior. But, I quickly
dismissed that thought and chose to believe my sane momma instinct. Something
was wrong, very wrong. We would try to give him anything to eat, all his
favorites and he wouldn’t touch a thing. For this kid to not want to eat a
Larabar, Chipotle, or ice cream, we knew. He started losing weight and for
being a tall lanky kid, it made him look even more malnourished. Then, I really
started to worry about the fact that he wasn’t using the bathroom. Could his
body be shutting down?! Does he have an obstruction? Is he going to become
septic? Why is this happening? Am I losing my child? So, mama bear came out and
I demanded that his GI specialist order some tests. Something was wrong and
they needed to figure it out. Well, we got some answers with a simple x-ray. He
had an ileus. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">A what?</i> Temporary
paralysis of a portion of the GI tract. So, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">give
him a laxative</i> you say. No, it’s paralyzed. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Try feeding him all fruits and veggies</i> you say. No, it’s not going
to help. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Try giving him an enema</i> you
say. No, he is paralyzed! The switch is turned off and everything is just
sitting there no matter how much I change or pump into him.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, we waited. We waited because this thing is supposed to
resolve itself. It took a couple of days after we got the x-ray results, but
things started to move again. Why did they resolve? We believe it was the
healing power of God because it started to function again right after our
elders prayed over him. God healed our son?! Wait, we get to experience this
healing again? Yep, it happened several years ago with my thyroid. And yes, I
just got a check up and the nodules are still gone. Why us? Was it because we
had great faith? No. Trust me friends that we waver in faith. No. It was
because we have a great God who every once in a while reminds us all that He is
about the business of making sad things come untrue, of healing the broken, of
binding up the sick, of restoring this world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is delighting to show the world that it will not always
be this way. We are so unworthy to be the recipients of His healing but we are
so grateful that He chose to touch Moses's digestive tract that day! We know
that not everyone gets a taste of that in this life. We know that many people
will have to wait for that restoration a lot longer, and maybe even after they
have passed away. There are pieces of us that are still waiting with you. We
still wait for the day that we will get to have a full conversation with our
son. Or play a game of soccer. Or make a meal without having to worry about
food sensitivities. Or maybe that redemption will be more me seeing the joy of
opening up all the cabinets. Or the joy of looking through every page in a book
without reading it. Or the miracle of every grain of sand. I have a feeling
that it is going to be even better than I hope for! We groan, we wait, we long
for that day to come soon. Man, I am glad that Jesus rose from the dead! Him
defeating the worst enemy, death, ensures that for us. He killed the worst
thing that could ever happen to us, complete separation from all good, all
love, all life…in other words, Him. </div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Brokenness then restoration. Paralysis then function. Times
of sickness and times of health. Tears then rejoicing. Fear then trust. These
are some of the cycles that we live in. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a constant pendulum. Balance doesn’t happen this side of
heaven my friends. We will never find that perfect stillness until we see Jesus
face to face. So, we live in this pendulum of life, constantly moving from one
sickness to another, one emotion to another, one truth to another, one joy to
another. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back to Moses…I get side tracked in my own mind…We now
enter a phase of testing to see why this has happened. We suspect it has been
happening for a while. This episode was just the longest and the most
dangerous. Lots of tests. The first of which is tomorrow. He will have a upper
endoscopy to check for ulcers tomorrow. If that comes back negative, we move
onto motility studies. This my friends, is more scary because it will take us
out of the state for a short period of time. Motility refers to the function of
the intestinal tract. Is it all working as it should? We shall see. </div>
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Pray for our little man to retain his happy, sweet
disposition through this all. Change is not easy for him. New environments are
not easy for him. New touches are not easy for him. Fortunately, new people is
not a problem! He loves him some people!! Pray for wisdom from the doctors to
order the right tests. Pray for money to fund trips, energy to cook meals, wisdom
to pour into our other kids, carelessness about the things that don’t matter as
much. Wisdom to know what those things are. Pray most of God’s glory, His
weight on our lives, to be displayed to everyone He takes us on this journey with
our little dude. Pray that people will see the hope that we have. Pray that we
would be wise to know when to be weak and when to be strong. </div>
<br />
<image alt="post signature" class="right" src="http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm196/eggebrechtprincess/Signatures/TOSHSignature.jpg"></image>Melissa Stonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13425435627001426681noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3980879536460198409.post-41670850410486105512016-02-03T20:59:00.001-08:002018-03-11T20:48:29.802-07:00Our heart for Moses' heart<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
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The month of January, 2016…aka the month of challenge, or
maybe we should call it the month of change. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So much has happened to our family this month that we are
living in survival mode. You know, I really wish that I was more consistent at
blogging. I wish that every time I updated this wasn’t because we were in some
sort of crisis. But, I’m not going to cry too much over that failure. Not a big
deal in the grand scheme of things. </div>
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Back to the reason for this post. </div>
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On December 31<sup>st</sup> at 10:40pm, we had the privilege
of having Ivory Rose Stone join our family. What a joy it has been to have a
little teenie, tiny baby around again. It is so much fun seeing new sides come
out of each of us. Hannah is even more of a mom than I could have imagined. I
am so proud of her instinct and compassion. She is going to be a fantastic mom
one day! I was a little nervous about Izzie. She is my little snuggle bug, so
the whole jealous factor was a big concern. She has definitely had her moments
but what 3 year old wouldn’t? She loves her new role as a big sister and wants
to be just like her big sister. “No Izzie! You cannot bring baby Ivory to
mommy.” She’s a little too confident in her big sister abilities right now.
Moses has transitioned amazingly! So much smoother than when Izzie was born.
It’s fun to see how much he has grown in his ability to adjust. He is doing
great at being a gentle big brother! He still has so much going on in that mind
of his that we need to remind him to slow down and watch out for her, but other
than that, he is good!</div>
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Life with a newborn. Fun family changes and lots of
sleepless nights. Wow, it’s amazing what you forget about having a newborn! It's really hard! I’m just glad that I have the perspective now to know that much of the
hardship will pass very soon. It’s a lot easier to enjoy the hard days this
time around because of that mom experience. </div>
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God decided
that having a newborn wasn’t challenging enough for us right now. He decided
that we needed to trust Him more with Moses's little life. </div>
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<br /></div>
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In the middle of January, we had a routine specialist appointment
set. At this appointment, we were made aware of an abnormality in an EKG that
Moses had had several months prior and were never notified of. We knew that
Moses was born with an abnormality in his heart but after 4 years of
cardiology visits, we were under the assumption that this was not a major deal.
</div>
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<br /></div>
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Well, the wisdom of men is not always right. Our new
cardiologist looked at this EKG, had another EKG done, had an EKG done on me,
Dan, and our girls and we came to find out that this was in fact a very big
deal. A very big and rare deal…rare as in only 100 or so documented cases in
the world. Moses has a heart condition that if left untreated could cause
sudden cardiac arrest. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What?! I can’t
believe he has been spared this far! He is a beautiful little boy with a
disorder called autism. It has been said that individuals with autism will
experience some of the most severe pain because they do not have the adequate
ability to communicate their pain and thus, experience much pain untreated. His
little body has gone through so much stress already! What does that tell me
about him? That tells me that he is a warrior!!!! He is a superhero!!! The fact
that he has not died and endured so much without his heart giving out shows me
that he is the strongest individual I know! I am so proud of you my boy!! Grown
men would have died but you have endured. You are strong, smart, brave, kind,
handsome and tall. </i></div>
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<br /></div>
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This new diagnosis leaves us pursuing new kinds of
treatment. He has been receiving therapies since he was 2 months old and now he
is beginning a new journey of receiving different kinds of treatment. This
includes medication for the rest of his life and possibly, more than likely
open heart surgery for a defibrillator. We’ll take one step at a time. Because
of Moses's diagnoses, he is literally one of a kind. There is no other child
in the world who has been medically treated like Moses. He is blazing a trail.
He is exploring new frontier. He is going where no man has gone before. And, he
has the support and care of the Creator of it all. </div>
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That’s how we are finding comforting in this devastating
news. If God is for Moses, who can be against him? God is working all things
together for Moses's good. God will not withhold any good from him. God will
supply all things for Moses according to Christ’s riches. This knowledge, this
good news can make us brave! It certainly doesn’t keep us from bleeding, but it
can make us fight this battle till the end. We will not give up. We will not
despair! We are infinitely loved and we know this without question because God
gave His most prized possession for us, for Moses…His son. God knows what it’s
like to see a son suffer. He knows what it’s like to wish things were
different. He did this all for you, for me, for Moses. Believing that changes
everything! It makes me able to walk through my fears instead of escape them.
It makes me able to be concerned for the state of others, while I also suffer.
It makes me rejoice in struggle instead of grow bitter. I’m sure that as we
journey in this longer, we will see more and more of how this changes
everything. Jesus changes everything!</div>
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<br /></div>
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So this weekend, we go into testing. We are being admitted
to a hospital to see whether or not medication can help him. We might see him
flatline this weekend, but in that flatlining, we will understand how much is
too much of his medication. We’ll be one step closer to finding the
interventions that will help to save his life in the long run. We are so
grateful that we found this now!!! Many people find this out after they die. He
has a super good prognosis since we found it! </div>
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<br /></div>
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Please pray for us this weekend, everyday, in years to come.
We have a long road ahead of us. </div>
<img alt="post signature" class="right" src="https://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm196/eggebrechtprincess/Signatures/TOSHSignature.jpg" />Melissa Stonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13425435627001426681noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3980879536460198409.post-73118500850479523782014-09-02T13:44:00.004-07:002018-03-11T20:42:15.764-07:00With great struggle comes great victory<br />
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With great struggle comes great victory. If you sow
sparingly you will also reap sparingly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of
glory far beyond all comparison. “If there is no struggle, there is no
progress. Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet depreciate agitation, are
men who want crops without plowing up the ground. They want rain without
thunder and lightning. They want the ocean without the awful roar of its many
waters. This struggle may be a moral one; or it may be a physical one; or it
may be both moral and physical; but it must be a struggle.” </div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeeNVr7SdsoSIum6EMPR2Dw0Ow8FYlw32HG-1Qj0tzWmdaqr5IwFuykODHHkJ8NoQWZhOUhgeaIjHRM4TpTXtZPMQScDKu2DozAprqD_nOwc3RjNFnAa-C_gSCZmXfseGvo6iBaW1xfxyu/s1600/Southern-Ocean-010.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeeNVr7SdsoSIum6EMPR2Dw0Ow8FYlw32HG-1Qj0tzWmdaqr5IwFuykODHHkJ8NoQWZhOUhgeaIjHRM4TpTXtZPMQScDKu2DozAprqD_nOwc3RjNFnAa-C_gSCZmXfseGvo6iBaW1xfxyu/s1600/Southern-Ocean-010.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I hate the struggle of autism. Now don’t get me wrong and
let me be VERY clear. I do not hate my son! I would die for him. Moses is not
autism. He is a happy, empathetic, loving, passionate kid. He is not autism.
That is not his identity. He <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">has</i>
autism. There is a big difference in the way that we say it. I never say that
my son is autistic because that is not who he is. That is definitely his
struggle but it is not his identity. I hate that it can make it so hard for him
to communicate. I hate that it can make it difficult for him to experience
rest. I hate that people misunderstand him because of it. For a while, I have
wanted it to go away. You see, when I was younger, someone once called me the connoisseur
of comfort. Autism makes me so incredibly uncomfortable! But slowly, God is
changing my mind and transforming me to see that I also love this struggle of
autism. Struggle isn’t something to avoid. </div>
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Last week, I volunteered in Hannah’s kindergarten classroom
with another parent. We were having the normal conversation that two moms have when
they first meet each other. </div>
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<br /></div>
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“So, do you have any other kids? Do you have another job
beside being a mom? How is school going for your kiddo?” </div>
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<br /></div>
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Regular stuff. Then we got to the question, “So, why did you
decide to put your child in this school?” </div>
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She told me the usual, “We did our research and really liked
what this place had to offer” and then she reciprocated the question. </div>
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“Well, I really wanted to homeschool Hannah and still do.
However after having my son, we decided that homeschooling wouldn’t be the
optimal environment for Hannah to learn in and we decided to put her here.”</div>
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<br /></div>
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“So, do you mind if I ask what is going on with your son?”</div>
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<br /></div>
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“Sure, he has autism.”</div>
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<br /></div>
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“Oh, I’m so sorry!”</div>
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<br /></div>
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“Well, I’m not.” </div>
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<br /></div>
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In that moment, it felt weird to have that as my first
reaction. There are many times that I have wished that Moses didn’t have
autism. Why did I respond that way? Over the weekend, it really had me thinking
about what has been going on in my heart and the changes that could be taking
place in my thoughts of autism. God has slowly, and I mean over the process of
4 years of appointments, exclusion and grief, been showing me how to understand
a bit of what the author of the book of Hebrews meant when he said of Jesus
that “for the joy set before Him, He endured the cross.” I never quite understood
what that meant but now I think I’m starting to understand. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwqjT67RB_ixKGor2V369CLQFCR2qsV3jAxe6Sr4SKyFrc_xajsgfuvoqaT2h9WzSKU5DyPTVVxC5ON83Wp4PlPq1eqhlJjTQ3ceLr8UQXprzsMtBGsEQ5SSjHB8tgnq3vSzyAm9yKMFfs/s1600/Light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwqjT67RB_ixKGor2V369CLQFCR2qsV3jAxe6Sr4SKyFrc_xajsgfuvoqaT2h9WzSKU5DyPTVVxC5ON83Wp4PlPq1eqhlJjTQ3ceLr8UQXprzsMtBGsEQ5SSjHB8tgnq3vSzyAm9yKMFfs/s1600/Light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Now, I’m starting to see a little down the road when Moses is having one of his hard weeks. A week that could be filled with regression in
potty training, more drooling, more tantrums, screaming, biting, pinching or a
meltdown every time I try to redirect him. Down the road of these hard weeks is
huge successes! Things like taking steps, jumping for the first time, pulling
up his pants, saying “I love you.” All things that we have been working on or
waiting on for years. Now, these hard times are reminding me that there is
great…no, ridiculously awesome ahead of us. For the joy set before us, we
endure and we even are beginning to be thankful for the struggle. Without the
struggle, we wouldn’t appreciate the victory. Without the lows, we wouldn’t
realize how crazy good life is. Without the screaming, we wouldn’t remember to
thank God for the quiet. </div>
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Maybe that’s why I said that I’m not sorry for Moses's autism. If he didn’t have autism, we wouldn’t enjoy life as fully! It’s funny
how most people think that because of his autism, we enjoy life less. I
wouldn’t say we enjoy life less. I would say that we feel life’s struggles more
deeply and maybe more frequently, but I would also say that we experiences
life’s victories more sweetly! I wouldn’t want to take away Moses's autism
anymore. What I would want to take away is my unwillingness to enjoy the ride
when things are tough. Man, I have so much more to learn!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3h6otF-lvKrW50TrRfVqLR4tZhmQUNr3WW-aQR9rjyb_kIxcjCh7HWnZUp_zBgmrDH8ncXQsMO6EfJiLOKERKbEXHFV-R8Fd0DbvCMrQ_7aK8XDgyqrmLXu9kBOLDQNE0fFKMQzcJdEEe/s1600/painting+over+rust.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3h6otF-lvKrW50TrRfVqLR4tZhmQUNr3WW-aQR9rjyb_kIxcjCh7HWnZUp_zBgmrDH8ncXQsMO6EfJiLOKERKbEXHFV-R8Fd0DbvCMrQ_7aK8XDgyqrmLXu9kBOLDQNE0fFKMQzcJdEEe/s1600/painting+over+rust.jpg" /></a></div>
That’s why I’m glad that Jesus did it for me. “For the joy
that was set before him, he endured the cross.” He kept His eyes on what was
ahead to cover and replace my failures to do so. Isn’t God good that He sees
Jesus’ perfection over my failures and all because Jesus’ blood on the cross
covered my sin? The fancy word for that is substitutionary atonement. Jesus is
my atonement. He is the paint over my rust. When I get lost in the struggle and impatience of trying to potty
train Moses, Jesus doesn’t. When I lose my ability to have hope that it’s
going to get better, Jesus doesn’t. When I hate the struggle of autism, Jesus
doesn’t. <br />
<br />
<img alt="post signature" class="right" src="https://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm196/eggebrechtprincess/Signatures/TOSHSignature.jpg">Melissa Stonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13425435627001426681noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3980879536460198409.post-21127160702339117482014-08-14T21:13:00.000-07:002014-08-14T21:14:27.567-07:00Healing<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">
So, this is my fourth go around at trying to write down what
has happened to me today. No matter how I write, I can’t seem to find the words
to describe my awe and wonder. I can’t seem to adequately explain how I feel
about what God did for me today. I’ll try though, because I want to praise Him
with my lips, or my fingers. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Today, I went to the doctor to have a follow-up on the
nodules that have developed on my thyroid over the past several months. About
six weeks ago, I went through a pretty scary time of thinking my heart was
literally going to fail because my thyroid was so out of wack. Doctors were
confounded. Tests were coming back strange and what I was left with was, “Let’s
just wait and see how this goes for the next several weeks.” That’s always what
you want to hear when you think that you may be dying right? WRONG! I walked
away from all those appointments six weeks ago with a diagnosis of Hashimotos
Thyroditis and possibly cancer. The cancer was the wait and see part.
Naturally, it was hard to settle into a short season of waiting, but soon it
became comfortable. It actually turned into an out of sight, out of mind
circumstance. I wasn’t going to tons of appointments anymore so I just wasn’t
entertaining the thought that I may have cancer. That time of waiting really
was a form of God’s favor to give my worried heart time to just rest. </div>
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<br /></div>
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It wasn’t until this past week that I started to think more
about the possibilities that were before us. A biopsy, cancer, surgery,
radiation, taking medication for the rest of my life, shorter life span, rates
of survival. All that stuff and much more running through my head again. The
time of waiting God used to help me see that I needed to just take one step at
a time or the list of possibilities would soon be too overwhelming and throw me
into a state of fear. </div>
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<br /></div>
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So, what was before was a follow-up appointment. It was at
this appointment that I would have an ultrasound and a possible biopsy. The
biopsy would be immediate if the doctor saw something concerning in the
ultrasound. We were waiting in the office and I was lying on the examination
room table just staring at the ceiling. It was kind of a numb feeling for me.
“Just one step at a time.” The doctor came in and started talking about what
would happen and I honestly don’t remember much of the conversation. All I
wanted to know was if there were still nodules on my thyroid. Somehow, I
suspected that there may not be. Was it real? Had God truly healed me? I just
wanted him to confirm what I thought may be true. He put that cold gel on me
and started poking around. </div>
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<a href="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQLJuppl1kKCuLVszCSh8qrr_0QBmiwyAuDqGUnp9SyXEdDW38P" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" class="rg_i" data-src="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQLJuppl1kKCuLVszCSh8qrr_0QBmiwyAuDqGUnp9SyXEdDW38P" data-sz="f" name="xMBRYO84KulRcM:" src="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQLJuppl1kKCuLVszCSh8qrr_0QBmiwyAuDqGUnp9SyXEdDW38P" style="height: 182px; margin-top: 0px; width: 274px;" /></a>After looking at the left side of the thyroid, he said,
“Nothing on that side.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
NO WAY!! That was where the big nodule was! Ok, what about
the other side? He put the ultrasound wand down and I asked him, “What about
the right side?” </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Nothing to stick a needle in. There’s nothing there. You
have a perfectly looking thyroid.” </div>
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<br /></div>
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WHAT! Ok, is this really happening? I just need to know if
the blood tests are normal? “What were my blood test results?”…. Looking
through results…</div>
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”They look perfectly normal.” </div>
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I didn’t have words. I just started crying and the doctor
said, “I thought that was good news?” It is good news! It is some of the best
news that I have had in years. God healed me! There it is. God healed me! </div>
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The doctor kept on saying, “Sometimes this just happens and
the body just heals itself.” We responded with, “We believe that God healed
me.” My heart then hurt for this doctor because it was very apparent that he
was strictly just a man of science. What I saw in this doctor was amazing grace
in that moment. Even though he had no apparent love for God or recognition of
the miraculous, he was still being used by God to bring hope and healing to
others through his excellent care. He was being used as an instrument of
redemption, even though he may not even believe in a good and personal God
making things right. </div>
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Grace was all over this day!! Unmerited, undeserved and
ridiculous grace. And what makes God so good is not that He healed me. It’s
that He is still worthy of praise and honor even if He hadn’t healed me! Why?
Why is He so good even when things go down hill and not the way I had expected?
The answer my friends is found in Jesus. It’s always found in Jesus. He proved
His love for me by dying on the cross in my place and living the perfect life
in my place. That’s what makes Him amazing. My hope and prayer is that this
healing will be a reminder to all of us that Jesus lived and died to make
things right some day. We may get to see it here, but many of you will have to
wait to see it when we are with Him one day. But know that it will happen! Let
us not grow weary friends in hoping for His glorious healing of all bodies!</div>
<br />
<img alt="post signature" class="right" src="http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm196/eggebrechtprincess/Signatures/TOSHSignature.jpg" />Melissa Stonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13425435627001426681noreply@blogger.com0