Think on Such Things

Confession and Response

2011-01-09T18:27:00.000-08:00

Today was corporate gathering. Since we have been at 121 Church we have gotten in the habit of calling it that. Good reminder that going to a service on Sunday doesn't mean that we are going to church. We are the church, hence corporate gathering.

Anyway, went to worship Jesus and saw God the Father in a new light today. Today we had a time of public confession. First of all, I don't know that I have ever been challenged to worship Jesus publicly like that so it was a little weird. Of course there was the typical public silence...no sounds...just breathing. I could tell that my heart was starting to beat faster and normally when that happens it means that God is asking me to speak. Speaking in big groups about Jesus isn't one of my gifts because for some reason I usually start to cry. So, I spoke up. Jesus gave me the strength to speak and the tears started to come. I confessed that my idol can be security. How often do I try to create that feeling of security in my life and in my home. What I fail to recognize and even to ignore is that Jesus is my true security. He is the only one who can control my safety, my kids, my husbands job and Hudson's health. Although I didn't say it, I have been seeking to find security in Hudson getting better. I know that I am not alone in this boat. We make statements like, "When he gets better, then I won't be so stressed...When we have enough money, then we'll have kids...When he gets a good job, then I won't have to worry anymore." I know that we all have that desire to want to feel set. We think that when those things in our life line up, then we'll really have what we want. Hogwash! That's right, I said hogwash. At least that is what Jesus has been showing me. He is it. He is the fulfillments of all the what-ifs, all the when this happens then I'll be happy. He's it and that is enough. He is not after changing my circumstances. He is after me! Isn't that crazy! The God of this universe is seeking after me.

As I was confessing this morning that I have really been seeking my security in Hudson's health, I started to ask a hard question. Maybe not hard, just honest. How can God sympathize with me right now? He never had to live with a sick son. His son was perfectly healthy. He even knew that Jesus was going to conquer death so He knew that He would not lose his son to death. And then God showed me my stupidity. I'm his child. We are all his children. He has lived for thousands of years with children who are sick. Every single one of his children is a child that is broken with sin. Every single child is not how he intended it to be in the beginning. God knows better than I do what it means to have a sick child...He has me. Tainted with sin, not able to think as I should, talk as I should, move as I should. I am sick with this disease of sin. However, God is different and such a better parent than I will ever be. He is a parent who holds a cure for his children's disease. His cure comes not in a bottle nor in a surgery nor in a medical technique. His cure comes through a person. Jesus. When Jesus begins to heals this sickness of sin in my life, I understand the joy that it gives the Father. I see now how He is delighting in His kids finally getting healed, something that I long for with Hudson. What great joy that would be to see our son healed! How we would rejoice to hear the doctors say, "His sickness does not exist anymore. It is gone." Jesus said it in another way on the cross, "It is finished."

He truly is the Great Physician, but in such a different sense then I originally thought. Praise Him for healing me! May we be administers of that healing. May we be about the mission of making our Father rejoice because He is seeing more of His children healed.

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All Creatures Of Our God And King

2011-01-02T21:24:00.000-08:00

Today was a good day. Actually it was more than that. This is what I mean by being more than just good. You know how when you are talking to an acquaintance and they ask you how your day is going? Everyone has been there. What is your response many a times? "It's good. How bout yours?" And you know that you say that it's good even though you may be having the worst day of your life. We've all been there. But that's not what I mean when I say that my day was good. My good means that it was filled with little snippets of praise and just fun.

One of the main reasons for the good day was this morning. I've just recently discovered the pleasure of having a cup of coffee in the morning. I don't necessarily like the sensation of a caffeine jolt in the morning, because I drink decaf, but I do love the act of just sitting down and sipping a nice hot drink, especially when this morning was chilly and foggy. It's a ritual that I'm convinced some people in America enjoy because it can be one of the only moments in the day where we busy Americans just sit and relax. Anyway, having a cup of coffee with Dan, talking and just listening to worship music. Then, my precious two year old girl starts singing one of the hymns that I sing to her at night. Singing hymns at bedtime is one of the ways that I'm trying to teach her about Jesus. I never knew if she was really listening to the words or if she just liked the sound of my voice. "Hallelujah, hallelujah. Oh praise Him, oh praise him." These were the sweet words coming out of her mouth, her own rendition of All Creatures of Our God and King. Then she asked me to sing with her. I wish that you could hear her own little Hannah accent. I think that it went something like, "Mommy sing." Very forthcoming. So, in submission to the two year old queen, I rejoiced to sing with her. I hope that I never forget the wonder of sing with my little to our great God. He truly has perfected praise on the mouths of babes!

What a gift of grace that my daughter is learning the words to these great hymns. Granted I know that she doesn't understand what they mean yet, but it's a start. Those truths are already being implanted in her mind and I pray that one day the Holy Spirit ignites the kindling that Dan and I are placing around her. We cant make her love Jesus. We don't have the power to open her eyes to see his beauty and desire it. But, we are going to do our best to put glimpses of Him before her.

Take heart in your teaching! You may have no idea what is been planted in your child's mind. With that said, be warned as well. We live in an incredibly influential culture. In one breath I can hear my daughter singing praises and in the next I hear her singing Elmo's World. Don't get me wrong to say that these are bad things. I'm just starting to see that my daughter needs more guidance and explanation than I thought. And I don't have to be afraid that I am talking to her too much or being to deep because I never know how much she is listening. Be encouraged that God's grace is sufficient and He is the one to change hearts.

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All of grace!

2010-12-29T11:12:00.000-08:00

All of grace. More than ever before, God is showing me a glimpse of how my life is all of grace. How is He showing me that? Well, through the life of my little 6 month old son Hudson. Hudson has quite the medical history for only being on this planet for almost 6 months. I'd venture to say that he has been in the hospital more than most people will have to be in their life. He's got this problem with his muscles and his feeding. Weak heart, weak arms and back, weak suck and swallow. I guess you could say that weakness is the word to describe him. Weakness has also been the result in my life since he was born. Having a child who has medical problems brings an overall weakness or maybe more just exhaustion. Lots of doctor's visit and therapy.

But enough about the circumstance. Let's get more to the God of the circumstances. You see, through all this and even just a few days ago my question and even anger at times is just why God. Why are you doing this to me? Why are you doing this to our son? This is not how life is supposed to be. There has been this aching in my heart. I believe that Ecclesiastes calls it eternity in our hearts. This sense that this is not what God intended in the beginning. Sure, if Adam and Eve hadn't sinned, maybe this isn't how life should be. But the reality of life is that we live in a sin soaked world. So, as I was looking at my son today and asking God why, He answered me with another question. Why not? Why is it that I am even breathing at all? Day by day, I sin against a righteous and holy God. My God is just. Why is it that there are not more babies and families in this world that are feeling the effects of a broken world? Do you know why? Because God delights in mercy over justice. Why is it that you may have a child who is healthy and I don't? Because God has shown you mercy! The fact that any of us are healthy is a gift of His grace. Every morning that I wake up is a gift from God himself because He knows how wicked I truly am. His mercy is new every morning! How can He show me this great measure of mercy when I don't deserve a shred of it? The answer... Jesus. Jesus took the justice so that we could have the mercy. Jesus took the punishment so that I could have the gift of life every morning and not the justice of death, which is what I deserve.

So, all of life is grace. Grace poured out on me because the power of Jesus' complete sacrifice.

Some people might say that this not fair. God is not fair for "allowing this." I say that God will have mercy on whom He has mercy. And I also trust and delight in the truth that my God delights in mercy over justice. He does not delight in the death of the wicked! God may choose to have mercy on my son and restore him to health. However, He may choose to display the effects of a sin soaked world. He may choose to show that this world is broken and in need of rescue, in need of fixing. Whatever my good, and gracious God should decide He is still worthy to be praised! May we be ambassadors of His redemption! May we be a reminder to this broken world that Jesus is coming soon to right all that is broken. May we hope in our great God who will not disappoint. May we embrace this daily gift of life and see it as that, for every moment that I forget His grace is an affront on the life and death of my Jesus. Praise be to Jesus who gave of His life so that I could have mine!

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Hudson's story

2010-10-18T19:44:00.000-07:00

Hudson spent 5 weeks in the NICU after he was born. The NICU is a very sad, hard place to be after you have given birth. You walk into this wing of the hospital and see all these sick babies. Some not so sick, some hooked up to every sort of machinery. Some with parents holding them and visiting. Some who never seemed to have anyone at their bedside. Moms crying. Families holding each other. A very sad place.

For us, it was a place where we got to bond with our son and start this journey of medical treatment that still hasn't ended for him. It seems as though God wants us to have a presence in the medical community of Winston-Salem. It started with me in the hospital and has continued with Hudson.

He stayed in the NICU because he was not eating. He just didn't have the energy to eat a bottle. He would only take 10 or so ml in about 30 minutes. For a little perspective, it took him 30 minutes to drink 2 teaspoons. So, he had to have a feeding tube. Many tests, many, many tests were done on him. All of his tests came back negative. His most crucial test was his MRI. God had one of the doctors see more than was actually there and transferred us to the Children's hosptial that is 4 blocks away from our house. This doctor told us that Hudson was not going to live very long. He told us that he would not get better. It was the worst day of our life, July 28th. However, what could have been seen as horrible, God meant for good. Hudson was transferred to the other hospital because of this. It was at this hospital where he received amazing treatment and got to come home within a week and a half...

To be continued.

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Wow it's been a long time

2010-10-18T19:29:00.001-07:00

So, it's been over a year since I've written a blog and oh what a year it has been!

In August of last year, we sold our only car to go without for 7 months. Not the most fun thing to go through a real winter without a car. However it was amazing to know that we got rid of over thousands of dollars of debt in one day.

In November of last year, we found out that we were having our second child. He was born on July 2nd. Hudson Elijah Stone. Doesn't that have a great ring to it? Jesus blessed that baby with a ton of hair! His daddy is a little jealous :) I'll tell you more about his story in a little bit.

March proved to be a tough time of self examination and repentance in Dan and I's marriage. We needed and still need to see how much we are in desperate need of Jesus because we are huge sinners.

May I went into the hospital for 6 weeks because of preterm labor and severe polyhydramnios. It's where you retain a lot of extra amniotic fluid. At 29 weeks, my body was big enough to think that it was time to deliver that baby. So, I stayed in the hospital for 6 weeks trying to hold off on labor. Talk about being brought to a low when you are having contractions every 6-8 minutes for 6 weeks.

Jesus revealed Himself to me during that time in tremendous ways!One of those ways, I want to tell you about. A hard part about me being in the hospital was having an iv for 5 weeks. Apparently I have small rolling veins and so everytime I had an IV placed, it was a lot of pain for me. Sometimes the IV would become dislodged in my hand and that would cause swelling and extreme pain in the hand. I really hated the IVs more than I hated labor. Well, one night by IV was particularly sensitive and I couldn't rest well because I had to be careful not to screw up my IV. I looked at my hands and they were so bruised and had holes in them from all the other previous pokes. It was there that I saw Jesus. I looked at the holes in my hands and felt, literally felt the arms of Christ around me. It was like I could see His nail pierced hand on top of mine. The Spirit in me was reminding me that His hands were pierced so that I could live. My hands were being pierced so that my son could live. I have a special way to tell my son about Jesus someday.

Well, there are a lot of things that I could tell you about my hospital stay but I won't know. I'll let those memories come out in my everyday writing. Or, every month writing.

So Hudson was born on July 2nd but not without complications. He was 5 weeks early and not eating. Thankfully though, my labor went really well. I'll tell you about Hudson in my next post.

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Recent Happenings

2009-07-23T07:19:00.001-07:00

So, we've been in North Carolina for a little over a month now and we are absolutely loving it! We so clearly recognize that God desired for us to be here. Since moving, He has really shaken us out of a place of apathy and mobilized us for the sake of the gospel. Not that we didn't have purpose when we were back in Phoenix, we just weren't partaking in that purpose as we know see that God would have delighted us to do so. Even now, as I'm writing, I see that repentance should be sought for that lack of obedience in our time in Phoenix. However, God's grace is so sufficient to cover that sin of complacency that I'm convinced is so easy to find ourselves in when living in country. Praise Him for not letting me stay there!

I'd like to start giving some brief updates on our family as well. So, I'll start with my precious daughter Hannah. Since we have been here, she has really started to scoot around and test her own freedom. As someone told me before, crawling is when you really become a parent. Do you mean that hugging, kissing, and just watching a baby lay there isn't a full picture of parenting? I have a feeling that I may miss those days. But for now, I am loving seeing her little personality develop as she really explores the world around her. I love that she is crawling now!!

The week after we arrived her, she decided to cut her two top teeth. Let's just say that time in her life was a fight for joy in my life! It was Hiroshima in her mouth! One tooth came in and then two days later, out came the other one. I'm glad that they came quickly but man oh man that was a tough couple of days. With the new additions in her mouth, her smile as totally changed :) She just keeps getting cuter and cuter every day! I just fall in love with that little one all the time.

Dan is loving our new home of Winston-Salem as well. He is really jumping in and getting involved with 1.21 Church and enjoying getting to know our new community there. Praise God that in September, he will have an opportunity to stretch his preaching wings. He is so thankful that God gave him a topic of Biblical husbands and fathers. So, he's been studying and searching the Scriptures to prepare for that sermon. I'm thankful to because I can already start to see some of the buds of growth by studying this topic. It's so fun being apart of his life and seeing the Spirit work in him.

Lastly, I'm doing well. There are days when I miss my family and believe it or not Phoenix as well. But, God has really revealed Himself to me as my strength and sustainer through these past several weeks. He's challenged me to run to Him for comfort and familiarity. He's also provided the huge benefit of having my sister-in-law here. I love her so dearly and am immensely thankful for our friendship!

Thanks for your prayers and support. Thanks too for just keeping up with and caring about our family. We would love to hear from you as well!

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What I've Observed About North Carolina

2009-07-05T17:02:00.000-07:00

So, we've been in Winston-Salem for a little over two weeks now and we have seen God be good to us in so many ways. First, we had never seen our apartment before we decided to rent it, but it turned out to be awesome and in a great location. Second, we loved having both of our parents here to help us move in and get settled. We would definitely be living out of boxes still if it wasn't for all their help. Thanks Moms and Dads! Next, we have some great neighbors that we are excited to get to know more and share the love of Jesus. One of the downstairs tenants is in college going to med school, so it is fair to say that we never see him. However, he is also excited about working on getting a six pack with Dan. I'm sure that they'll be working out together and eating their eggwhites over a cup of water. The other one lives with his brother and works with underprivileged youth in the downtown area. He has a great heart to love on them and we're excited to partner with him in whatever ways that we can.

Those are just some of the ways that we've seen God's grace on us. Besides seeing those amazing things about our North Carolina move, I've also noticed a few other things about living in the Bible belt and in the south. For your reading enjoyment, I've decided to bullet them.

1. "-ing" words don't exist. It's not "waiting." It's "waitin." I've started to pick up on that a little bit, but I'm trying hard not to pick up an accent. However, it may be inevitable.

2. A man walking down the freeway in overalls with his shirt off is not an uncommon appearance. I'm pretty sure you may get shot if you did this in Phoenix.

3. When you get together to have a BBQ, people will think that you're going to have pulled pork with BBQ sauce, not just hamburgers and hot dogs. We can't say BBQ...we have to say grillin.

4. I have a new found love for sweet tea. That's a no brainer :)

5. People just aren't as concerned about their appearance here. It's actually quite settling to know that there are so many less people worried about what you're wearing. It makes it seem silly.

6. Hannah's name has added a prefix. She is now Miss Hannah.

7. Driver's licenses don't last 40 years. The longest you have a license is 8 years and you pay $4 for every year.

8. Southern hospitality is a real thing. People are so welcoming. We just pray that is done for the glory of Jesus and not for the sake of moralism.

9. There is a church on every corner, nook and cranny. Winston-Salem has more churches per square mile then any city in the nation. This brings a somber sense to our mission here. We, no doubt, recognize that not all of those that claim the name of Jesus are truly one of His disciples. Saint on Sunday and sinner Monday thru Saturday. We want to share with people that we're sinners every day of the week and saved only by the grace of Jesus, not our church or church activities.

With some of those observations in mind, pray for us! Pray that God uses us and our backgrounds for the glory of Jesus in this city. Pray that the word of God would go forth in power to the people of Winston-Salem. Pray that we continue to develop true community with not only people at 121 church, but our neighbors. Pray that God gives us the grace to speak truth into people's lives that have already been spoken a distortion of the truth. Pray for me as well at 121 church. I'm going to start working with the staff at 121 to help get their children's ministry organized. I love doing organizational projects like this, but have no idea what I am doing. I just have a willing heart and I love my child. Plus, I'm really starting to love the kids of 121. Pray that my desire to lead wouldn't bulldoze anyone. Pray that I have a humble heart of service to the parents and children of 121 church. We love you and miss you all!!

Our First Christmas and His First Christmas

2008-12-22T19:35:00.000-08:00

So, it's been a while since I've updated my blog. Yes, I know...slacker. Here is the update in a nutshell. We had our baby girl on October 8th. She was heavy and long. She is still heavy and long being in the 95 percentile for her age. She's a true Stone! We still live in Tempe and are still looking to move out to North Carolina in June. I'll write more about those things as the time draws nearer and as I get back into blogging.

With having our little Hannah this year, God has given me such a different perspective on this season. Think about it. God came to earth as a little baby. Totally helpless. Totally dependent on someone that He created. He had poopy diapers. He was fed by a woman that He created to function the way that she did. It's all just amazing! What humility He showed by coming to earth. It just shows that this plan of salvation was not made up by any human. I know that I would have done it differently if it were up to me to save man. Thank goodness it's not up to me! How great is this God that I serve! How great is His love that He should come to earth to save a wretched sinner like me! It just blows me away!

Remember to think on the true meaning of Christmas as you are opening your Christmas presents and spending time with family this holiday season. Take some time this year to thank Him for the gift that He is!

Hospital Trip

2008-08-04T20:56:00.000-07:00

So, today I went to the hospital. Now, when I talk about the hospital, remember that is my primary physician since I get free healthcare. Oh, the beauty of being Native American. Anyway, like I said yesterday, I haven't been feeling good. Well, woke up several times in the middle of the night because I had to go to the bathroom more often and because it felt like Hiroshima had exploded in my throat. I have never had a worse sore throat in my entire life!

What would a pregnant woman think in such a circumstance? Am I going to die and will this hurt the baby. Good news, I'm not dying and the baby is fine. I thought that I might have strep but we'll still have to wait a few days to see if that is true. When I went to the hospital they said that I was really dehydrated. So, they hooked me up to an IV in hopes of stopping the contractions that I was having. Yeah, I know. I was just as shocked to hear that I was having contractions because I wasn't feeling a thing. I must admit that I was pretty excited in that moment. Not because I was having contractions... I was pretty confident that those would go away once I got rehydrated. No... I was excited because I wondered, "When I'm in labor, am I going to feel the contractions?" I know, I know... wishful thinking. A girl can dream can't she.

Anyway, after a shot of tributalain (if that's how you spell it) and peeing in a cup, we were on our way home. I'll probably be here for a few more days until this cold blows over. Pray for a speedy recovery if that is God's will. If not, pray that my attitude will praise Him through this sickness.

So close and yet so far

2008-08-03T20:25:00.000-07:00

I'm almost 32 weeks pregnant. I'm tired (can you tell by the picture?). I'm getting sick. I'm uncomfortable. Funny how all this is ushering in what is supposed to be the best change in our life, our little girl. Right now, to be honest, I don't like the change that I've gone through. Sagginess here, bulging there, soar here, weird spot there, oh and so much more. Well, that was my two minutes of complaining. I'm really thankful for the title of this blog, because it gives me perspective in my rants. I shouldn't be thinking on how awful I may think things are. I should be thinking on what is good, pure, right. Good reminder.

Well, this picture is from when we were in North Carolina a few weeks ago. Have I mentioned yet that we are planning to move there next summer? I probably haven't mentioned it because we just broke the news to the last of our family members about two weeks ago. We are so excited and yet terrified at the same time. God is calling us to plant a church out there! Exciting, but hardwork is ahead of us. We see and know that we could be heading into the den of the Pharisees. Someone's got to love the people in the Bible belt. Looks like God is calling us to be that someone. Pray for us! We desperately need it! Pray for a little church in Winston-Salem called 121. Pray that God would grow the people. Pray that people would come to know Jesus because of the people at 121. Pray for change in the city of Winston-Salem, Lord willing our new home.

2008-06-20T14:41:00.000-07:00

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Weird Cravings

2008-06-20T10:11:00.000-07:00

Just a question that I had for all you people. Why is it that everyone is so excited to ask me the question, "So... have you had any weird cravings?" I think that it's so funny when someone asks me that. It's like they want me to say that I've been craving dog food, or some weird concoction. Maybe the next time someone says that to me, I'll tell them something completely outrageous. Maybe I'll say, "Yes! I've had this intense craving to just gnaw on a piece of cotton!" Do you think that will throw them off?

Finally the ultrasound pics!!

2008-06-11T16:53:00.000-07:00

So, I finally sat down to scan in my ultrasound pics. Look closely and you can already see that Hannah has my cheeks. Dan is very excited that she inherited those from my Claus family. In this first picture, she has her mouth open. Do you see her creepy looking eye sockets?

This second picture will hopefully be the one and only kind of this nature posted on the internet in Hannah's lifetime! Bet you can't tell from this picture that she's a girl. I can, but I'll just let you look for a really long and frustrating time.

The picture below is one of my favorites because you can see a little bit of her profile and you can see her spine. That is just so great to me! This is our little girl in there... our own flesh and blood! This picture is upside down, so it looks like she is laying on her back with her head to the right of the picture.

Well, that's my baby girl! She's been moving around a ton lately. I think that our hopes of having a docile child have been shot. But, we'll take her and love her exactly how she comes. I know that she is going to be even more amazing than I ever hoped or dreamed.

Pics of my precious nephew

2008-06-09T11:07:00.000-07:00

So, I haven't gotten around to putting up Hannah's ultrasound pics yet, but I do want to show off my adorable nephew. What a precious gift he has been to so many people. His story has literally reached around the world. It has been amazing to see what God has done! He is currently out of ICU and his parents are waiting to take him home when he starts to feed on his own. He really is a little miracle. I can't wait to see him soon!

Freedom!!

2008-06-05T08:46:00.000-07:00

I think that God has allowed me to see something great! I think that He's given me a blurry glimpse of what He has created me for! I only wish that my heart desired this truth more often.

So, I was reading a friend's blog the other day and she said something that I just couldn't get out of my head. She said, "How can something be so worth it even when it means that it will NEVER be about you again?" It started to make me think...are all the best things not about me? I know that there are good things that are about me, but are they the best things? Do I only settle for what is good when I think about me? Do I sacrifice best for what is only good? I'm more and more convinced that good is the enemy of best, not worst!

Anyway, I read her blog and then went for a walk around GCU's campus. That's when God gave me a moment of clarity. I walked around and just looked at everything. I started to look at the trees and how they swayed in the wind. I started to see these amazing colors that were all around me. I heard the beautiful melody of the birds. I saw a glimpse of the creativity of God and I was amazed! I started to ask myself..."What does this creation say about the Creator?" It tells me that He is beautiful and makes beauty according to the flower. He loves diversity according to the many colors. He is constantly holding all things together according to gravity. He is constantly bringing about change according to the wind. He brings refreshment according to a soft breeze. He is huge according to the testimony of the sky. He provides a covering according to the trees.

I looked at it all around me and realized that everything that I was thinking and seeing were beautiful. And the amazing thought is that it had nothing to do with me! The most captivating, refreshing, beautiful thoughts that I had yesterday had nothing to do with me! Do you know why it really was amazing? Because it was about God, about Jesus, about my Creator. It was about the Author and Perfector of all things. It was about the Origin of all that is good, beautiful and perfect. I'm convinced that is where freedom is from!! It's in losing sight of myself! That is what is best. John the Baptist said, "He must increase and I must decrease."

I know that it will be hard, but I'll have to start learning that freedom as a mom. That the really beautiful moments in life will be the ones that have nothing to do with making much of me.

It's a Girl!!

2008-05-19T09:58:00.000-07:00

I fully realize that by breaking the surprise in my title, you may not be interested in reading the rest of this entry...but oh well.

So, we found out on Thursday afternoon. It really is amazing how the ultrasound techs can look at a picture and see if it's a girl or a boy. Well... I guess that it's not quite as hard to see if it's a boy, but looking for a girl is amazing. My sister in law told me the most hysterical way of seeing whether it's a boy or a girl on an ultrasound. If you see a hotdog shape, it's a boy. If you see a hamburger, it's a girl. We definitely saw the hamburger shape!

We are just beaming with excitement about this little girl! I knew it. I knew for about the last month that we were having a girl. Just by the way that I'm carrying and by a few other indicators that will remain nameless. So... when the 4 foot tall Native American lady who was doing our ultrasound told us that we were having a girl, I wasn't surprised. Funny though. You would have thought that I was shocked because I just starting balling. I never would have thought that I would have reacted like that. In that moment that I heard those words, "You're having a girl," it really hit me that the baby that I was looking at on that screen was our little girl! This precious little gift from Jesus was right there. Knowing now that she's a she, just makes every kick, every swish, every movement that much more meaningful because SHE'S doing it.

We also took a fun little trip to BabiesRUs with my parents on Friday night. Girls' clothes are so much more cute than the boys clothes and their clothes section is at least twice the size as the boys. It was so fun looking at the tiny onesies that said, "Daddy's little girl," or "Little Princess." New ultrasound pics will be coming soon and maybe a pic of me and my growing belly.

Update on Lincoln: God has been so good to our little nephew! Every report that we get back seems to be better and better, but he's still not out of the woods yet. Today's he's having a few tests done. One is to see if his Hydrops (the disease that was causing the fluid build up) has gotten better. Another test is to see whether his PDA is closing. That's a little artery that goes between his two major arteries while he is developing in the womb, but should close a few days after a baby is born. As of last week, his hadn't closed yet which was causing high blood pressure and a slew of other issues. If his PDA hasn't closed, then they're going to do heart surgery tomorrow. But, the doctores are hopeful that it may be closing on it's own because he is doing so well. Continue to pray that his little frame develops, his lungs keep building strength, his PDA closes, his thoracic duct develops and that he grows to be a man that loves Jesus. We are so thankful for all the answers to prayer! God has and will continue to be good to this little boy. Of this, we don't have any doubt!

Update on Lincoln Michael Stone

2008-04-25T19:38:00.000-07:00

Today was Lincoln's birthday! He made it through the surgery, but he's not out of the woods yet. He is a whopping 6.5lbs, with some of that weight being the fluid that he was retaining. Even still, he's a good sized little boy which is working in his favor. He has a good heartbeat, but not a great heartbeat. What you can be praying for right now is his lungs. His lungs still have some fluid in them and are not working at the capacity that they need to be. Every report that we hear continues to be good, so we are thanking God for the healing that he's breathing into Lincoln's life.

What really is amazing is the reports that we hear about the hospital staff. God's glory is already being displayed in the hospital! Apparently, the staff told Mike and Rebecca that they are amazed to see how they have been handling this whole thing. Rebecca has constantly been in the Word and sharing their peace with every staff member of the hospital. Mike is reassuring us that God is in control of this little life. He'll do what is best for their family. That peace that we have been praying for them has definitely been poured out in abudance. We will continue to pray for Mike, Rebecca and Lincoln. Everything is still very touch and go! We're still praying that God would open the eyes of the staff at the hospital. I'm sure that there are people who are taking care of Mike and Rebecca that need the grace of Jesus in their lives. Will you continue to pray with us? Thank you so much for all the support that we have already received!!

Beautiful Death and Struggling Life

2008-04-25T08:22:00.000-07:00

What a week! That's what I've been telling so many people for the past several days. I think that it would be fair to say that this week has been the most emotionally charged week of my life thus far. I don't doubt that as I write this entry, tears will start and stop. They've been starting and stopping for the past several days.

"What's going on?" you ask. Well, last week we found out that my great aunt was not doing very well. She lives here in Phoenix. She was the aunt that mom and dad would take us over to their house every once in a while. What I remember of that house is the little adventures that Sonny and I would go on in their garden outside their trailer home. We would romp around that garden that hung on the side of a cliff, or what seemed to us like a cliff at the ripe age of 10. We also loved going over their because they had a kumkwat tree. Whenever I eat a kumkwat, for the rest of my life I will think of Floren and Maryella. Floren would also tell us these amazing stories of when he was younger and growing up. You've heard those stories before... the ones where he walked through 8 miles of a blizzard to get somewhere. He was a great story teller and I'm sure that Maryella loves being reunited with her husband right now. Maybe he's catching her up on all the stories that he has of him and Jesus walking, talking and going on adventures. Maryella was a wonderful, sweet, just darling lady! She was so loved, by so many people... you could see that just by looking at how many people were in the ICU waiting room.

That waiting room was home to some of my relatives for a couple weeks. We knew that her time could be soon but even knowing that, you're never prepared for the moment. You still think in that moment of death, "I'm just not ready for this yet! Just give me a little more time!" At least, that's what I felt when we stood in her room and watched her take her last breaths. What a sight to see! I've never been there with someone in that moment before. I've gotten the calls after that moment... but I've never been there. That moment was one of the most beautiful sights that I have ever seen! One of my cousins, when calling his mom to break the news, said, "I don't know if you can call death beautiful, but that was the most beautiful death I have ever seen." He was right. He was so right! She was being ushered into the presence of Beauty, Goodness, Love, Peace, Wonder, Safety. She was being ushered into the presence of Jesus with her family behind taking her to the gate and her family ahead opening the doors to welcome her in. Pain filled that moment for the people that were left behind, but that moment was unmistakably marked with peace. It's that peace that Jesus promises to those that are His... the peace that passes all understanding. No wonder that peace is beyond understanding... because a lot of times I think that it coexists with pain.

Let me just tell you about the beauty of that moment and some of the moments that led up to all these thoughts and emotions. She had been diagnosed with Pulmonary Fibrosis, a disease in her lungs. Her lungs had gotten so bad over a course of time that her heart started to shut down. I think that it was one of her arteries that needed to be fixed. That's what she initially went into the hospital for, to have heart surgery. After the surgery, the doctors then said that the heart needed to regain strength because it had been so underworked. In order for this to happen, her lungs needed to kick into gear, but I don't think that the doctors realized how bad her lungs had really gotten. It was from that point on that she started to fade. Even though she started going south, she was not going to stop fighting until she was told that it was over. Wednesday morning, she was told that the fight was coming to an end and that if she wanted to, she could be sustained until her son could get there. She tried to hang on for as long as she could, but at about 5:15pm on Wednesday it was time for her go. The nursing staff began to pull everything from her except for the medicine to ease the transition. At around 5:30pm on Wednesday, Maryella met Jesus. Her son, literally ran through the halls of the hospital to make it there in the very last seconds of her life. He made it! Just think... if he would have hit one more red light or spent just a few extra seconds in his car, he would have missed seeing his mom for the last time. You can't tell me that God wasn't in control of those moments. When Dan and I were in the room, almost everyone... about 15 family members had their hand on her. The sounds that were coming for that room were, "Go be with Jesus mom!", "Hallelujah", "She's going!", "Oh grandma!", "I want to see my sister!", "I love you mom, I love you so much!", "This is a beautiful woman!" Of course, everyone was crying... everyone probably still is crying at different times.

I'll never forget that experience! I never want to! That moment makes sense of the verse, "Precious in the sight of God is the death of His saints." That certainly was a precious sight. Please continue to pray for our family and Maryella's family. Healing is always a long process for those family members.

So, amidst the experiences at the hospital we received a call from Dan's family. Last week, Rebecca, Dan and I's sister-in-law, went to the doctor for an ordinary check-up. She was 31 weeks pregnant last week. When they measured her, to theirs and our surprise she was measuring at 34 weeks instead of 31. Immediately, all I thought was that this was a very big baby. From that doctors visit, they wanted to schedule an ultrasound to check little Lincoln's measurements and just to make sure that everything was going okay. On Wednesday, the same day that Maryella passed away, Mike and Rebecca went in for that ultrasound. When the technician took a look at the baby he told them right away, "You need to go to the emergency room now!" What the technician saw and what alarmed Mike and Rebecca is that there is some swelling in the baby. I got this news that Mike and Rebecca were at the hospital when I was on my way to the hospital to be with my mom and the rest of Maryella's family. Rebecca was undergoing some tests and they'd get the results back later. At about 5:15pm on Wednesday, we got a call from Dan's dad that the doctors don't know what is going on and that they need to run more tests. They were going to admit Rebecca for several days and the baby really didn't seem to be doing well. It was then that they were going to start thinking about taking the baby. Maybe they could treat him better outside of the womb then in.

At the very same time that they were pulling the oxygen off of my great aunt, I was receiving news that my nephew was struggling for his life as well. It was in that moment that I started to ask the question, "Lord, why are you doing this all at once? Does this have to be right now?" I would venture to say that anyone would ask that question. After all, when it rains it pours right? That expression had to come from someone else who had the crap hit the fan all at once. I wonder though if that person had the reassurance that I have. I wonder if when his life seemed to be falling apart, he could hear a reassuring voice, "I'm in control. I have every moment planned out for you and your family. I'm good! I can only do what is good!" Right now, in the midst of all the pain and sorrow, that's about the only though that comforts. That's the only truth that we know right now.

Yesterday, we found out that they are going to do an emergency C-section today. Today will be our nephew's birthday. The doctors told Mike and Rebecca that Lincoln has a 50/50 chance of survival. If God does pull him through this surgery, he'll have a long road ahead of him being 8 weeks premature. The C-section is today at 11:00am. The first two hours after the surgery are the most critical.

I am just at a loss for words! I don't think that I can write much more. Our hearts are breaking! There are obvious requests for prayer:
-- Pray that God sustains our nephew. We know that His will is good and perfect.
-- Pray that Mike and Rebecca be overwhelmed with the presence of God. Especially pray for them when they see Lincoln.
-- Pray for the rest of the family to trust Jesus and be a witness for His glory. God knows what it's like to lose a son and we may need his comfort for that reason.
-- Pray whatever else God puts on your heart to pray. Beyond this, we don't really know what to pray and you may know better than us at this point.

Thank you for your love and support.

Ultrasound Pics Finally!

2008-04-15T17:42:00.000-07:00

Here are those long awaited ultrasound pictures. These pictures are when I was 13 weeks. On Thursday, I'll be 16 weeks. So, our little one has grown quite a bit since these pictures. Although we couldn't tell from these pictures, if we had an ultrasound now we could see if it is a boy or a girl. My favorite pic is the one at the very top. The baby is either rubbing his/her eyes or sucking their thumb. How amazing is that! I just can't even wait to see this little one.

Emergency Room trip. Don't worry... everything is fine!

2008-04-03T13:33:00.000-07:00

So, I haven't put any of the ultrasound pics yet because I can't figure out my scanner. One of these days, you'll get to see some pics.

First, I'll tell you about the visit to the doctor last week and ultrasound. Then, I'll tell you about the visit to the emergency room. The doctor's visit was so great! I just love that little one so much already. Our appointment was at 11:30 and I was so anxious the whole morning. Dan was really hoping to find out if it was a boy or a girl, but we were about 2 weeks early for that type of news. Some people say that you can tell the sex of the baby around 15 weeks and I was only 13 weeks when we went. The doctors told me that I needed to have a full bladder when I went for the ultrasound, so they suggest drinking a quart of water an hour before the appointment. The worst part is, I wasn't allowed to pee for that whole hour!! Talk about painful, but I made it. For some reason, the Phoenix Indian Medical Center doesn't allow the dad in for the first few minutes of the ultrasound. While that stunk for Dan, I got to have a little time with just the kiddo and me. I couldn't see much, but it was amazing to see someone swimming around in my stomach. I didn't cry then, but I did cry when Dan came in the room. He is going to be and already is such an amazing dad. Right when he came in, he just started talking to my stomach. He saw the monitor and it's almost like it just clicked for him. He just started saying, "Hi little one." That's when I lost it. It hit me that this was our child!

They took some pictures and measurements. Hopefully you'll get to see those soon. We were also hoping that the sneak peek we got of the little one will be a preview of what our kid will be like. The tech said that our baby was really docile. It wasn't moving a whole lot, but then every once in a while it would make a little jerk movement. So, it was either sleeping or it was awake and had some hiccups. The baby is right on track for its growth and development. And, they said that my due date might be a little bit earlier. So, the due date could be between Sept 29th and Oct. 2nd.

We also got to hear the heartbeat, when we saw the doctor that same day. I absolutely loved hearing that little baby's heartbeat!!

So, the emergency room... I had to go to the emergency room yesterday because I had been having some severe abdominal pains. A lot of women had told me that it was probably just my uterus streching, but I knew that it had to be something different. So, we went to the hospital and after a series of awkward and uncomfortable tests, they found out that I have an infection. It's not a big deal or at least they made it sound like it was fairly normal. So, I have to take antibiotics for a week and then go in for a check up. If I am still having the pain, it may be that I have a cyst. Yucky! But, we'll find that out when we go for the check up on August 15th.

Throughout all of this, I've just been so amazed that Jesus... Jesus himself is weaving together this little child. How do I know this? John 1:3, "All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made." How amazing is that?! My Savior is in charge of bringing about the life that is growing inside of me! Praise Him for the life that He is and that He gives!

Ultrasound coming soon!

2008-03-26T09:57:00.000-07:00

Well, I haven't written in a while because my pregnancy has been fairly uneventful. No morning sickness except for being really picky about food. No substantial belly growth yet. No weird cravings. No feeling the baby yet. As far as I've been told, I have a pretty easy pregnancy so far. I guess you could say that the only really abnormality is that I can't eat meat. Just thinking about meat makes me a little nauseated. So, it's starting to get interesting to try and find my protein in other ways. About the only foods that I don't have to be picky about is cereal and an occassional chocolate shake. If it's going to be like this everytime, then I could see having 5 of the 12 kids that Dan wants.

On Thursday, I'll be 13 weeks. We also have our first ultrasound on Thursday!! I am so excited to meet our little one on Thursday! I'm halfway expecting the doctor to say that we are 12 weeks instead of 13, but we'll see tomorrow. We won't be able to find out if we have a little girl or boy yet. That ultrasound will probably be in another month or so. Oh the anticipation! Not knowing the gender yet isn't stopping me from looking at all the adorable clothes and themes for a nursery.

Actually, there may be more changes going on in me than I realize. I've started to do the infamous mommy belly rub. You know that you've seen it with every pregnant woman. She's just standing there and she can't help but rub her belly or have her hand rest on it. Even though my belly isn't all that big yet, I've started the rub. I think that it's my way of telling our little one that I haven't forgot about them in the busyness of my day. I think that it's my reminder to them that I love them already. Crazy how the mommy instinct is kicking in more. I'm starting to enjoy being a mom already.

Prayer - You can pray that God would continue to be my strength in the days that I am absolutely exhausted. You can pray that Dan and I will enjoy the moments that we have now and not be caught up in thoughts of the future. I don't want to miss out on these last few months that Dan and I will just be Dan and I. There are so many other things for you to pray about, but I won't bombard you at the moment. Thanks for your love and support. My next post will probably be in a few days with our first baby pictures!

Dr. Appt Update

2008-02-15T19:48:00.000-08:00

Well, didn't get an ultrasound, but we have our first one scheduled for the 27th of March. We'll get to hear the heartbeat then! Dr. said that everything looks fine and oh yes, I am really pregnant. That fact hit a little more today with the doctor confirming it. I feel like we have a little more freedom to celebrate. Well, it's late and I have a Pampered Chef show in the morning. Got to get my beauty rest.

JOY!!!

2008-02-15T06:56:00.000-08:00

Well, Dan and I have some great news! We've been waiting for a little one for a little over a year and two weeks ago we found out that God answered our prayers. We're pregnant! Today is our first doctors appointment and I would be lying if I didn't say that I'm a little scared. We couldn't get an appointment until two weeks after we had a positive pregnancy test! Oh the anticipation, the excitement! But, we're hoping to get to see our little munchkin today. I should be about 7 weeks. I'm thinking that the doctor might want me to have an ultrasound today because I have endometerosis, a disease where the endometerial fibers grow outside of the uterus. From everything that I've read, I may be considered as having a high risk pregnancy. We'll see. I definitely need to watch how much I am researching and reading. I think that sometimes it can be a cause of unneeded stress. Ignorance really can be bliss.

As far as changes in me... I haven't had very many changes yet. So far it seems as though God is blessing me with a fairly easy first trimester. I don't have morning sickness! The tiredness and soarness I can handle. I'm also starting to notice that my pants are getting just a little bit tighter. I've started to look at maternity clothes, but just for the fun of it at this point. I'm not popping out yet. As a child of God battling this culture of image, I have to constantly remind myself that this weight gain is a good thing. I'm not getting fat but God is growing a baby inside of me. It seems as though the self-denial of parenting has already begun in the way that I view myself. No longer room for me to be overly concerned with my body image. No more thoughts of diets. It should probably be this way anyway. Amazing how God is starting the process of growth even now.

Well, the reason that we tell people that we are pregnant before we've even heard from the doctor is because we want to beg for your prayers!! We realize that everything that has come into being is here because of the Lifegiver Jesus. He can choose to sustain this little life or take it home already. We're praying that He'll sustain it. Will you pray with us?!

The Beginning

2008-01-02T16:29:00.000-08:00

It's kind of weird starting a blog. I never thought that I would do something like this, but oh how life turns in directions other than planned. It almost feels as though I'm introducing myself to someone new...meeting them for the first time. You know. That awkward, "Hi. My name is Melissa. What's yours?" feeling. I suppose I may be meeting someone new, but that's not how I'm going to treat you blog. Blog, I'm going to treat you like you're my best friend. I'm going to treat you like you've known me for years. Why? Because I think that this world needs a little authenticity and let's just face it...change starts with me first. I can't expect someone else to be authentic with me if I'm not authentic with them. So, here's my attempt at authenticity. Hopefully, I won't use this thing as a scapegoat to avoid real authenticity with real people. If I do, I give any and everyone permission to call me out on that.

So, why the title "Think on Such Things?" Well, I'm a thinker. There's hardly ever a waking moment in my life when my mind is not racing with thoughts or ideas. Some people may call it Attention Deficit Disorder. I'd like to call it Intellection. Sometimes it's a huge curse because I have a hard time focusing on one thing, but other people have told me that it's a blessing. That somehow, God has given me an ability to see heart issues, ask good questions. I'm just constantly thinking, hence the "Think."

Why "on Such Things?" That part actually comes from Phillipians 4:8: "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." When my mind drifts, wanders, ponders, gets lost, I want it to get lost on such things; the true, the honorable, the just, the pure, the lovely, the commendable.

That's my hope for this blog.